Shadows of Love
by madmamabear
Summary: The birth of Renesmee Carlie Cullen changed everything for Jacob Black. Can he go on without Bella Swan in his life? Can Bella give him love some other way? Does the baby have a chance to be accepted in Jacob's life and his heart?
1. Chapter 1

Shadows of Love

Prologue

JPOV

Why is my life so bizarre and fucked up? Can anyone tell me what I did in a previous life to deserve any of this shit? I was a normal,  
teenage boy. Well, mostly normal. I lost my mom when I was pretty young and I take care of my Dad now, pretty much by myself.  
He's in a wheelchair and my older twin sisters have both left home for greener pastures. So it's all on me, ya know? My best buds  
and I used to hang out and do teenage boy stuff. We'd go to the beach and toss around a football. There was a bonfire to attend  
nearly every weekend in the summer. Those were great, lotsa food and drink, music and dancing, and girls even. Sometimes we'd  
just hang out in my garage tinkering around with a car or something. Then sometime during my 15th year on this earth, the girl of  
my dreams shows up at my doorstep. Things got real good, real interesting and then real freaky, real fast. Then it all went down the  
crapper in a big, noisy swirling rush.

I'll try to make a long story short. I knew Bella Swan from when I was a little squirt and her dad and my dad would go fishing together  
and stuff. She was older than me but younger than my older sisters and we gravitated to each other like peanut butter and jelly. She  
was really cool, for a girl. She was pretty, too, and I was crushing on her hard from the time I was like, five. Her parents split up and  
she moved away with her mom when we were still young, but she would come to visit on holidays and during the summers. Then when  
she was a junior in high school, she moved back to her dad's for good. She had a boyfriend for a short time and then he dumped her  
and she was real messed up about it. I mean REAL messed up. Her dad told my dad she was like a zombie. One day out of the blue  
she showed up at my house with a couple of junk motorcycles asking me if I could rebuild 'em and then teach her how to ride. She  
said she'd pay for the parts herself and give me one of the bikes in exchange for the riding lessons. Sah-WEET! I said sure, no prob.  
By the time the bikes were halfway done, I was head over heels, hopelessly and forever in love with Bella Swan. This last part goes  
fast, so pay attention.

Her boyfriend got back into her good graces. She strung me along with the "best friend, I love you" line for a while. I was always  
available, like a little kicked puppy dog, cause I was in love with her, and I'm an idiot. She married the guy after telling me she loved  
me but it wasn't enough. She comes back from her honeymoon and she's preggers. A month later she's havin' the kid and it's killin'  
her. Oh, and by the way, the reason it's killing her and showing up in just one month is her hubby is a vampire and the baby is some  
demon spawn hybrid something. Oh yeah, and I'm a werewolf. Did ya get all that?

The problem for me in this is, of course, I'm still in love with her and for some reason, she wants me around still and I can't tell her  
no. So here I am, hanging out in a house full of vampires, trying to convince Bella not to die trying to have the demon baby, and  
offering, at HER HUSBAND'S REQUEST(!) to let her have babies with me instead, cause half-werewolf babies are way better than  
half-vampire babies. Everybody knows that.

Then the moment comes when the demon spawn hybrid has decided, IT'S TIME!

Bella screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

Standing in the shadows of love,

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come.

Can't you see me standing in the shadows of love?

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come.

I wanna run but there's nowhere to go.

Cause heartaches will follow me I know.

Without your love, a love I need,

It's the beginning of the end for me.

Cause you've taken away all of my reasons for living.

When you pushed aside all the love I've been giving.

Now wait a minute,

Didn't I treat you right, now baby didn't I?

Didn't I do the best I could, now didn't I, didn't I?

So don't you leave me standing in the shadows of love.

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come.

Don't you see me standing in the shadows of love?

Trying my best to get ready for the heartaches to come.

All alone I'm destined to be,

With misery my only company.

It may come today, and it might come tomorrow.

But it's for sure I've got nothing but sorrow.

How can you watch me cry after all I've done for you?

Now hold on a minute,

Gave you all the love I had, now didn't I?

When you needed me I was always there, now wasn't I?

How can you leave me,

Standing in the shadows of love,

Getting ready for the heartaches to come?

I'm trying not to cry out loud.

You know cryin', it ain't gonna help me none.

What did I do to cause all this grief?

Now what did I say to make you wanna leave?

Now wait a minute,

I gave my heart and soul to you now didn't I?

And didn't I always treat you good now didn't I?

I'm standing in the shadows of love.

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come.

Don't you see me standing in the shadows of love?

Trying my best to get ready for the heartaches to come.

Oh, I'm standing in the shadows of love.

Lyrics and music by Holland, Dozier and Holland

Chapter One

The Beginning of the End

JPOV

"GET HIM OUT! NOW!"

She said he couldn't breathe. I'm not sure I really cared whether IT could breathe or not. All that concerned me in that horrific moment  
were the screams of pain issuing from Bella's mouth and the horrendous sounds coming from inside her distended belly. She may have  
once gone through what Charlie called a "zombie" stage, but right now she actually looked like a Hollywood zombie. She was skin and  
bones, her color was ashen, and her body was writhing on the exam table in the makeshift birthing room, blood still running down her  
chin from the gusher of it that she had just thrown up.

What a farce! What a sick joke. Birthing room. God only knows what Bella thought the ultimate outcome of this 'birth' could be. Every  
one of us, except the blonde bitch queen, tried to talk her out of this course of action she had chosen. Even Edward tried to persuade  
her not to go through with it and begged me to help him by offering to give her my children the old fashioned way. He'd really lost it  
but I considered it in spite of myself. The doc had told her that the research available only documented mother mortality. That's  
_**no survivors** _in Wolf English. She had gotten it into her mind that she was strong enough to survive this torture. She was deluding  
herself. She insisted if need be Edward could turn her at the last minute. Yeah, like that would be an acceptable resolution. None of  
the rest of us had any false hope at all. I certainly didn't.

I had no earthly idea what to do. I would say I had no earthly idea why I was still here, but that would be a lie. I knew exactly why I  
was still here. Because she still wanted me here, I still loved her, and I would do anything she asked. Look up masochistic moron in  
a dictionary, the picture of me there is a nice shot.

I shuddered while standing next to the table on which Bella's body twisted in unnatural angles. I was afraid to touch her but I gently  
tried to let her hand rest in my open palm. Edward, Rosalie and Alice were clustered around the other side of the table. When Edward  
stabbed a huge hypodermic of morphine into Bella's arm, I cringed from the force of the insertion. Then as if the morphine had been  
injected into me instead, things in the room began to blur, sounds became muffled and movement began to slow down.

The scalpel sliced through Bella's lower abdominal skin. Blood gushed again. Rosalie began to lose it. I leaped at her, slamming her  
into the far wall. Alice's stoic face began to falter and crumble and the two girl vamps retreated from the room, leaving Edward and  
me alone trying to tend to Bella. The scalpel could make no more headway on the tough wall of her womb. Edward flung the blade  
across the room and bent down to rip into the covering with his teeth. I couldn't believe I was still conscious but like a car crash on  
a highway, I couldn't make myself look away. This was my Bells. I had to try to keep her here with me.

Finally, Edward got through the barrier and pulled out a tiny, bloody thing, vaguely like a human baby in its shape. He lifted it up,  
and a goofy smile bloomed on his pasty face. He called it Renesmee, the girl's name Bella had invented. She held out her arms for  
Edward to hand the creature to her. She cooed and held it to her breast. And the thing bit her! I knew the thing was going to be a  
monster. What kind of baby bites its mother as its first act of life? Not on this earth should anything like that exist. Edward snatched  
it away from Bella's arms and began to coo to it as well, scolding it for attacking its mother. I wondered if maybe he'd ground it as  
punishment.

Edward was too consumed in the creature to notice that his wife was bleeding out through the gaping opening he had made in her with  
his teeth. I was still focused on Bella and holding her hand when her face lost all its muscle tension and her eyes grew glassy.

I began screaming at her to stay with me, to keep fighting, to keep her heart beating. She was completely unresponsive. Desperately,  
I began chest compressions and breathing into her mouth trying to refill her lungs with air. My tenuous hold on sanity was stretching  
to the thickness of a spider web. My girl was leaving me!

"Stay with me Bella! Keep your heart beating, you promised!"

Edward finally woke up when blondie returned and reached for the thing he had wrapped in a blanket. He handed it over and then  
yanked open a drawer and produced a gigantic stainless steel syringe. It looked like something a vet might use on a horse.

"What's that?!" I shook with terror and fury.

"My venom," he stated matter-of-factly.

Oh God, is this really it? Is this really the only option left? She can't be saved as a human? She can only remain on this earthly plain  
as a vampire? Can I handle the final solution? She'll be my mortal enemy. She'll be one of them. But she'll still be here, more or less.  
But she'll still be with him. I tried to shut down these thoughts. I had no say in the matter anyway. What was I thinking? It simply wasn't  
my call. It was out of my hands. It had been taken out of my hands long ago.

Edward instructed me to keep up the compressions to help pump the venom throughout her body. Oh, my God! Now I was helping her  
to become a vampire? My hands rebelled, along with my heart and my head. I began to listen to her heart thumping with each push. I  
listened to the short rush of fluid in her veins with each pump. That fluid was a mixture of her blood and his venom. What the fuck was  
I doing?

It quickly became evident that her heart was not going to continue on its own. My hands were doing the work for it and I stopped and  
backed away a step. I looked down at Bella's still, stony face. She was gone. The tears made the vision, which I knew would be burned  
into my memory forever, begin to blur. I stared across at Edward, still maniacally moving his mouth around over her body, adding fresh  
bites to various pulse points, frantically adding more venom trying to hedge his bet. I made sure he understood that I was going to ALLOW  
him to live, in spite of the fact that he had effectively broken the treaty. I wanted him to suffer the consequences of his actions. He had  
practically guaranteed this outcome when he had first approached her at Forks High School. He had sentenced her to death on that day.  
He thought he was preserving her body for eternity and that she would stay with him. In spite of what he had told me months earlier  
about wanting her to stay human, he now seemed eager to have her become a monster like him. Maybe he had lost his grip on sanity.  
He had gone over the edge, like I wish I could.

But I was still quite sane, quite lucid. The trauma of watching the girl I love being put through the wringer of death's sharp-toothed  
rollers, had not halted my brain function, nor had it frozen my feet in place. I knew what I had to do. The abomination that had taken  
her from me had to die. There was no question in my mind what was now required of me. It was time to be more than just a protector.  
It was time for me to be an avenger.

I followed blondie's scent down the hall and down to the den. There she was, lounging in front of the fireplace, in a comfortable chair,  
cradling and cooing lovingly to the murderous monster. She had cleaned it up and wrapped it in a blanket. She was just setting a bottle  
down on the table next to her. No doubt the little demon spawn had just had its first meal of human blood. Yeah, it was time for swift  
Alpha retribution.

As I began to approach them from behind, the vamp lifted the thing up onto her shoulder, as if preparing to burp it. Oh God, I fought  
to stop the urge to hurl. If that thing spits up blood all over the back of that chair, I will go completely berserk! I moved two more steps  
toward my goal of annihilation. At that instant, the thing lifted its eyes and looked at me. My gaze was locked in place. They were brown,  
so very brown. They were Bella's eyes. My vision narrowed down till all I could see was that baby's eyes. My world shifted over one  
giant sidestep. The child, who held my gaze in such an adult fashion, was the center of my universe. The strength of the reality of the  
moment brought me to my knees. Imprinted? On the child that killed Bella. How is this right? How is this fair?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

She's Really Gone?

JPOV

The waiting game began. I was able to stop the attack from Sam's pack by phasing and showing him the imprint that had  
found me. Though the other wolves, Leah and Seth included, were not happy or approving of me tying my life to a half-breed,  
there was no denying that now the child and the Cullen coven as well had fallen under Pack protection. There would be no  
more fighting. Now, we all waited, and wondered how long before Bella would join the coven as a full-fledged member.  
Carlisle and Edward felt certain it would be no more than three days.

Carlisle sutured Bella's stomach inside and out, in a pitiful attempt to hold in her insides. Edward had essentially gutted her  
like a hunter with a fresh kill in the field. Alice cleaned her up, brushed her hair and dressed her in something comfortable.  
I thought that was a little strange and a lot ironic. Clothes had always been way down the list for Bella as long as she was  
comfortable. If she became one of them, would her tastes and the things that made her uniquely 'Bells' fall by the wayside?  
We waited.

Three days. Hmph! So they said. 'Oh dear, they were wrong', I thought sarcastically. It's been three weeks! My imprint  
on Renesmee has my heart and soul torn into little pieces. I want to be with her, hold her, feed her, and just touch her tiny,  
rosy baby cheeks. She reaches out and grips my pinky finger with her delicate little hand. I'm sure she thinks she's squeezing  
it as hard as she can. I smile. Undoubtedly, she is. All the while, Bella's body has been lying on the bed in an upstairs room,  
perfectly still. I can't describe the conflict that is raging inside me. I swore long ago, in another lifetime, that I would fight any  
imprint that wasn't on Bella. This imprint isn't on Bella. But Bella is dead. Does any of that matter now?

I revel in the fulfilling contentment that the imprint and the little girl herself give me. But I worry about her mother. I now  
think of her as my imprint's mother. I no longer think of her as 'my Bells'. I can't cope with the notion that I loved her with  
every cell in my body, now she is gone, and that the deep, abiding love I held for her has been overshadowed by some cosmic  
Tribal ancestry mind fuck. Where's the justice in that? Somebody tell me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And I feel as if I'm not being fair to the baby that has my heart twisted into a knot. None of this is her fault. It's hardly her  
fault that her mother was delusional and misguided. It's not her fault that her father is a selfish, arrogant, tunnel-visioned  
prick of a vampire. It's not her fault that my people's Great Spirit chose her as my eternal soul-mate. And it's definitely not  
her fault that I feel like the worst excuse for a human being ever because my heart is broken and in mourning at the same  
time that it's binding itself to her tiny little hummingbird heart. What the fuck do I do with this maelstrom of emotions? How  
do I justify the polar opposite feelings crashing through my nerve endings like million-watt short circuits?

Bella's body is stone still. Is she a vampire yet? I have no idea but I do know this. Carlisle and Edward were certain that  
the transformation would take three days. There's been no twitch for four weeks now. Normal decomposition has taken  
over the body. I'm certain if the house didn't smell of 10 tons of cotton candy dipped in bleach, it would smell of rotting  
human flesh. Her cheeks and eye sockets are beginning to sink in. Her ribcage juts up almost piercing through the skin  
of her torso. The skin itself has begun to sag into the bed linens. It's time.

We all file into the bedroom one at a time. We're paying our last respects. I stand there and stare at what was once my  
best friend and the being that I loved above all others in my life. I now have a future with her daughter. My friend has no  
future at all. I hardly know my own heart.

I reach out and brush my fingers over Bella's knuckles. She feels as cold as any of the other residents in this house. But  
there's no evidence that she's still here. There's no marble hardness to her skin, no sparkle from the sunlight streaming  
through the window. Alice said her appearance would regenerate, that she'd be beautiful. She was beautiful before.  
Couldn't they see that? She'll never look like that girl again.

The last to enter is Edward. He has been by the bed for virtually the entire four weeks. I think he thought he could bring  
her around by sheer force of will. It is obvious that it will be eons before he is able to let go, if ever at all. His eyes have  
blackened from lack of feeding. He hasn't hunted since before the disaster in the birthing room. He appears to be slowly  
but surely losing his grip on reality. I'm not sure he is aware of what's going on around him now.

Carlisle and Esme both have tried to persuade him to leave her side and at least hunt a little. I can see the worry on all  
their faces. It's almost as if none of them ever considered this outcome to be a possibility. How could they have been so  
naïve? Now she's nowhere. They don't have her. Charlie doesn't have her. I don't have her. The bastard has stolen her  
from everyone who loved her, and destroyed her himself. Foolish doesn't even touch a description of his behavior. He's a  
murdering monster, plain and simple. He doesn't deserve to exist. I would end him if I could. I can't.

That tiny baby is so sweet and innocent. She has no idea what's been done to her. She'll never know what a wonderful girl  
her mother was. She'll be loved, no doubt about that, but she'll never know a mother's love. That's a different kind of love  
from any other. I haven't known that kind of love in way too many years. But at least I had it once upon a time. I wouldn't  
take anything for the handful of years I had Mom in my life. She loved with every cell of her being and if she loved you, you  
knew it all the way through to your bones. In a way, though, I'm glad she's not here to see the cluster my life has become.  
How would I ever explain to my Mom that I lost the love of my life to a vampire and then became the soulmate of her hybrid  
daughter? Yeah, not happening.

A week later, we are all in a funeral home together with a huge gathering of Bella's friends, high school mates, Charlie's friends  
and co-workers, Renee and her husband, both Wolf Packs and quite a few members of the Quileute Tribe. She had no idea  
how many lives she touched, most of them for the better. She had no clue about that either.

I push my Dad's wheelchair up the aisle toward the mahogany casket surrounded by beautiful flower arrangements. He reaches  
back and gives my hand a squeeze, thinking that will help me get through this. We stop right beside the coffin. Dad and I look  
at the peaceful, it-looks-as-if-she's-sleeping face. Thank God they didn't let Alice load her up with makeup. She almost looks  
like she used to. Almost.

My father is ready to return to his pew but my feet are frozen in place.

"I can't," is my strangled whisper.

He turns his head up to look at me. He whispers over his shoulder, "it's okay, son. We all understand." He wheels himself away  
in an arc to move aside to allow me better access to her. I stand there for what seems like hours, but is surely only minutes.  
The tears don't embarrass me. I don't try to brush them away. They fall like the first, heavy drops of a spring downpour onto  
the satin edging of the casket lining. My hands rest on the edge of the opening where the left half of the lid is propped open. I  
want to reach out and touch her. I want to stroke my fingers down her soft, pink cheek. I want to rearrange one of her chestnut  
curls. But I am afraid. I am afraid if I acknowledge what is resting before me, it will be too real. She really will be gone. Still  
clinging to the edge of the casket, I slowly sink to my knees and whisper a choked goodbye to someone who's not even here,  
and to my own heart.

She's already gone. So is my heart.

My voice is a raspy whisper.

"Oh. My Bells."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eventually, I feel several strong hands grip me by the elbows and begin hauling me to my feet. I can't find it in myself to help  
them. It's all I can do to lock my knees and stiffly lurch back to my seat. Just before I reach the rest of my Pack, Charlie is in  
front of me. His eyes give away his last month of crazed grief. He reaches his arms as far as he can around my shoulders. His  
own are heaving with the sobs of hysteria of a parent who has lost their only child. I can't fathom what that must feel like. I hug  
him back as tightly as I dare, trying to convey my depth of sympathy for his sorrow. We have each lost a huge chunk of our heart.

At the graveside service, the Cullens are all present. A light drizzle is falling from the cloud cover that allows them the boon of not  
appearing so callous as to not attend the ceremony. A few words are spoken by the preacher father of one of Bella's high school  
classmates. As a procession of mourners moves past the casket poised over the hole in the ground, the skies open up. A downpour  
worthy of a news headline smashes down on all of us as the casket is lowered into the cold, unforgiving earth. We each toss a white  
rose down onto the closed lid as huge raindrops splatter onto the wooden finish.

Everyone 'up there' is crying for the lost soul that was loved, so we know it's okay if we cry too.

And we do.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Three

Where Am I?

Part One

BPOV

The pain was unbelievable. I had not expected that. It had been painful for the last month, especially when my little nudger  
had begun to really make himself known. But then the cup of blood spilled and all hell broke loose inside my body. I couldn't  
describe that level of pain for I had never imagined it existed. The morphine Edward jammed into me had little to no effect.

I knew something was wrong with my baby. I screamed for Edward to get him out of me immediately. There was utter chaos  
in the room and in my head. Jacob was nearly frightened out of his skin. In my pain-hazed stupor, I was surprised he hadn't  
phased right there in the delivery room. Rosalie and Alice had to retreat from the amount of blood pouring from my body.  
Edward eventually gave up on the scalpel and used his teeth to extract my baby.

A girl! I was wrong! Renesmee. I held my arms out to take her to my breast. She was beautiful. She bit me. Ow! Was that  
normal? No, couldn't be. She's not normal. She's a hybrid. Nothing should be unexpected. Nothing could really be anticipated.  
I was exhausted and needed to rest. I relaxed back to the pillow and started to close my eyes. The room began to spin and the  
edges of my vision began to iris in with blackness. I heard Jacob and Edward both yelling. Jacob was grasping my hand and  
shouting something about a promise I had made to him. What promise? I couldn't remember just then. I would think about it  
later. Right now I just needed to rest.

My vision blurred over completely and finally faded all the way out. Suddenly, I was in no pain at all. None. I no longer struggled  
to breathe. I couldn't really put my finger on a description of how I felt at that moment. Only two words came to my mind, and  
they played over and over, growing louder, more prominent. Comfort. Peace. I had never been as comfortable in my entire life  
as I was right now. I was warm. I felt safe. I felt peaceful. I couldn't remember any worries or problems or sorrows that I had  
ever experienced. I seemed able to see now, except there was nothing to look at. Not exactly nothing, everything around me  
was white and light. It was bright and I was warm, comfortable, peaceful and safe. This was a most beautiful place to be. I  
wondered where I was.

I wasn't in Carlisle's office/delivery room any longer. There were no bookcases lining the walls. There were no walls. Was I  
dreaming? And I was alone. I wasn't too sure how I felt about that. Not pleased, I would think, but I couldn't actually place any  
unhappiness. None at all. How strange.

Then I heard the voice. It was female, but I didn't recognize it at all. She sounded mature and kind. There was love in that voice,  
and compassion. It made me feel happy to listen to her. Then I realized she was speaking to me.

"_Isabella? Can you hear me, dear?"  
_

"_Yes, I hear you. Who are you? Where am I? Where'd everybody go?"  
_

"_Oh my, so many questions so soon!"  
_

"_I'm sorry. Is that not allowed? Asking questions?"  
_

"_Oh no, it's perfectly acceptable, dear."  
_

"_Do I know you?"  
_

"_You knew me when you were very small. You knew my whole family."  
_

"_What's your name?"  
_

"_My name was Sarah."  
_

"_Jacob's mother?"  
_

"_At one time, yes I was Jacob's mother."  
_

"_He misses you a lot."  
_

"_I know he does, dear. It's the way it must be."  
_

"_Am I a vampire?"  
_

"_Not exactly."  
_

"_What is that supposed to mean? I'm sorry. That was rude of me."  
_

"_It's alright, Isabella. You're not expected to understand and be calm all at once. It can be confusing."  
_

"_You're right about not understanding. What should I be confused about? Are you here to explain things to me?"  
_

"_Yes, I am."  
_

"_Okay then, tell me. I'm ready. Let's have it."  
_

"_There's been a mistake. Well, to be accurate, there've been a bunch of mistakes."  
_

"_By me? I know I've made tons of mistakes."  
_

"_Yes, that's true, you have made quite a few, and they are on the list and have contributed to the special circumstances in  
which you now find yourself."  
_

"_What, exactly, does that mean, Sarah?"  
_

"_I'll explain as much as I can, Isabella. Yes, you have made mistakes. Everyone does. Sometimes, when a series of mistakes,  
a collection of mistakes comes together, they make a really big mistake. Really big mistakes call for interventions. This is why  
I'm here. I'm supposed to break this to you as gently as I can and try not to traumatize you. Please try to listen and stay calm,  
can you do that for me?"  
_

"_Okay. I'm calm. I'm also impatient."  
_

"_Very well. You're dead, Isabella."  
_

"'_Scuse me?"  
_

"_You're dead. I'll move along, shall I? You died giving birth to your daughter."  
_

"_But Edward's going to turn me at the last minute. I'm going to become a vampire, like him and his family. We're going to be  
together for eternity."  
_

Sarah laughed softly, shook her head and said_, "You should reconsider that for a bit, dear."  
_

I started to argue with her but she turned and walked away. I quickly lost sight of her and could not make my feet move to  
follow her. I was alone. I was still surrounded by whiteness with nothing whatsoever to see and it was incredibly quiet. I  
didn't think I'd ever felt so alone. I couldn't get a grip on any passage of time but it felt like Sarah had been gone for many  
hours. I don't know if I drifted off to sleep or lost consciousness or what, but suddenly a bright light began to shine in my  
eyes. I raised my hand to try to block it and see what was going on. Eventually I became aware of someone approaching me.

"_Sarah? Is that you?"  
_

An unfamiliar male voice answered me. I was instantly afraid.

"_Nope, ma little chickadee. I am most definitely not Sarah. She is nice though, isn't she?"  
_

"_Um, yes, she is. Who are you?"  
_

"_Oh, nobody you would recognize. You can call me Timothy. That's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"  
_

"_Yeah, if you say so. Hi, Timothy. What do you have to tell me?"  
_

"_Hah! Oh dearie! What makes you think I have anything to tell you?"  
_

"_Oh, um, I don't know. I figured that's why I was still here and now you're here. Is that wrong?"  
_

"_Nope, that's not wrong. I was just messin' with ya. __HA HA HA HA HA! __I'm so funny! I crack myself up sometimes."  
_

I was getting a little pissed off with 'Timothy', he didn't strike me as being that funny and apparently my annoyance was  
showing on my face. He shook his finger at me admonishing me to behave.

"_Listen here, baby doll, you need to step down off that tall horse. You do understand why you're here don't you?"  
_

"_Well, I thought I did. Suppose you tell me again. Refresh my memory."  
_

"_Ooohh! Feisty aren't we? Okay, whatever, we don't really have time to bond anyway. You're dead and you're not supposed  
to be. Got it? Good. Now, what do you suppose should happen to you, or what's left of you, now?"  
_

"_Well, all I know is what I thought was going to happen. My husband, Edward, is going to change me. Well, that was the  
plan anyway."  
_

I trailed off at the end because it was becoming evident that things were not exactly progressing according to my plan. After  
staring at me without speaking any more for several minutes, Timothy shook his head, rather sadly I thought, and turned  
and began walking away from me.

"_Wait! Where are you going?"  
_

"_I'm kicking your case up a level Bubela. I'll be sending someone I can be certain you'll listen to. Don't worry, she won't be long."  
_

"_Is Sarah coming back?"  
_

"_Oh no, not Sarah. She's busy sending down some fresh waves of comfort to the spot you just vacated. You really left a mess  
down there, didn't you Iszzzzzy?"  
_

"_I didn't mean to!"  
_

"_Yeah, that's always the story, isn't it? They never mean to."  
_

His voice drifted away and I barely heard that last bit. This was exasperating! Was this the way things were going to be for the  
three days it would take for me to complete the change and become a vampire? This was nothing like the way Edward and  
Carlisle described what the turning would be like.

An indeterminate amount of time passed by without me being aware at all. Finally, I saw a figure walking toward me in the  
distance. It got closer quite quickly and I saw that it was a woman. Good! The women around here were at least easier to  
talk to. Timothy was a real piece of work. As the woman drew near me, my mouth flew open as I realized who it was.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Three

Where Am I?

Part Two

BPOV

"_Gran! Oh, I'm so glad to see you!"  
_

She came right up to me and smiled so sweetly. She looked just like I remembered her. I had missed her so much.

"_Yes, I missed you too Isabella."  
_

"_How did...?"  
_

"_Not important right now, dear. I'm here to explain the situation and help you understand. Do you remember what Sarah told you?"  
_

"_That I'm dead?"  
_

"_That's the one."  
_

"_That wasn't supposed to happen."  
_

"_You're tellin' me! Anyway, we've got to do something to remedy this situation."  
_

"_Well, all we have to do is wait three days. Then I'll be with my Edward forever."  
_

"_That's where there's a bit of a problem, Isabella. Let me ask you, can you describe Edward?"  
_

"_Describe Edward? Well, of course, he's quite beautiful and incredibly smart and very protective and generous to a fault."  
_

"_Okay, that's a start. Can you give a physical description of him?"  
_

"_Oh, okay, sure. He's about 6 feet tall, slender, bronzy-coppery messy bed-head hair, golden eyes..."  
_

"_Golden eyes, that's unusual, don't you think?"  
_

"_Um, well, not really, I guess..."  
_

"_What about his complexion?"  
_

"_Complexion?"  
_

"_Yes, can you describe his skin?"  
_

"_Uh, he's very pale?"  
_

"_Isn't there a more pronounced characteristic than just lack of pigmentation?"  
_

"_I'm not sure what you mean?"  
_

"_He's a bit... stony, wouldn't you say?"  
_

"_Stony?"  
_

"_Yes, stony. Come on Isabella, just say it."  
_

"_I'm sorry, I don't know..."  
_

"_His...surface is quite hard and he sparkles in sunlight, isn't that an accurate description, Isabella?"  
_

"_Okay, yes. His skin is sparkly and very hard."  
_

"_And very cold, too, isn't it?"  
_

"_Yes, it's very cold, what are you getting at?"  
_

"_He's a vampire, right?"  
_

"_Yes, okay, he's a vampire! What does that have to do wi..."  
_

"_Let me give you a brief rundown. You see, vampires __are__ dead. They are not 'alive' in any sense of the word. Even if they move  
around and speak, they are dead. That's why they do not breathe or blink or sleep or eat or drink. It's why they have no heartbeat."  
_

_She lowered her chin and looked over the tops of her glasses at me with an arched eyebrow.  
_

"_It's why they are filled with flammable venom rather than saliva, blood, bile or any other bodily fluid. They are not born, they are  
'created' by other vampires. They are not supposed to '__**be**__'. And __**you**__ are not supposed to be one of the undead."  
_

"_What? No!"  
_

"_Isn't that what vampires are, dear? Dead people?"  
_

"_Well, no, that's not...that's rather rude, don't you think?"  
_

"_Oh, I don't know. Can you be rude to a dead thing?"  
_

"_He's not a thing!"  
_

"_You may not think so, Isabella, but I can assure you, he's not a person. He hasn't been an actual person for about 94 years if the  
records are correct. For Heaven's Sake child, he's older than me!"  
_

"_How is this anybody else's busi..."  
_

"_Well, it's not specifically MY business. But it is the business of those who are in charge of where we are."  
_

"_And where, exactly might that be?"  
_

"_Oh come now, child. Can't you suss that out for yourself? Look around you. What do you see?"  
_

"_A whole lot of nothing."  
_

"_Good, good observational skills. Now, with what happened to you just a few minutes ago, with the birthing situation, and now you see  
a whole lot of nothing..."  
_

"_This isn't Heaven!"  
_

"_Hah! No, not Heaven."  
_

"_Not hell!"  
_

"_Oh, no dear, you're not in hell... yet. This is a bit of a way-station for lack of a better description that you could understand. Have you ever  
heard of Limbo?"  
_

"_Um, yeah, I think so. What am I doing here?"  
_

"_Well, now that's where it gets a little complicated. You see, as Sarah explained to you before, you're dead and...well, that wasn't supposed to  
happen. It's not your time, you see. So you've been sent here until something is decided."  
_

"_I don't think I like the sound of that."  
_

"_Mmm, I don't wonder. I wouldn't care for it either. But then, I'm not the one who had sex with a dead thing."  
_

_I huffed at her and she held up her hands in mock surrender.  
_

"_I know, I know, but that's really just your opinion you know. The fact is, he's dead and it's a very different dead to the dead that you are  
right now. He's deliberately dead and has been so for a LOOONNG time. You, dear silly Isabella, are dead by mistake and something must  
be done to undo this mishap. Now, I don't have all day to explain this to you so please pay attention. You're dead and you're not supposed  
to be. Your daughter should not exist because dead things cannot make babies. Yes, I know. But still, there is a baby that has just come  
into the world, in a most unorthodox manner I might add, and it has no soul."  
_

"_But Edward said it would take three days for the transformation to be complete. I'll wake up and be a newborn vampire."  
_

"_No, dear, that's not how it works. Edward was telling you what you wanted to hear. He basically lied to you to get what he wanted. You  
need to accept the flaws in his makeup and the flaws in your decisions. Let me continue. The child you bore is not supposed to exist. A  
mating of a dead thing and a live person is never a good idea, to put it mildly, and in the case of you and 'your Edward' this is a very large  
mistake on the list. To run to the end of this dilemma, you were not supposed to mate with something that was dead, you were not  
supposed to become pregnant, you were not meant to give birth to a child, half-breed or otherwise. You were not supposed to die. And  
this requires a solution, of magnificent proportions."  
_

"_This sounds like a magnificent practical joke to me. Let's say I believe all you're telling me. What happens now?"  
_

"_Well, dear, actually that's the easiest part of all to explain. The child you bore will be all human, someday. There was no contribution that  
could be made by 'your mate' to create an offspring; this is why the child is a girl. All her DNA is yours. There was no other. There was no  
soul. The human child that exists now, the one that was taken from your body, causing your body's death, has no Spirit of its own."  
_

"_That's ludicrous! How can that be fair? It's just a little baby!"  
_

"_It's no more ludicrous or unfair than the situation in which you put yourself and your family and friends."  
_

"_Well, what's supposed to happen now? You can't leave her like that! All alone!"  
_

"_She won't be left alone, Isabella. You will take your place in the child. Since your human body has been utterly ruined in delivering this  
poor soulless child, you shall be relocated into the baby. Don't panic. It will all work out in the end, I'm sure. You will remember all that  
has transpired in_ _your_ _shortened life, but you must "grow up" again, in the baby's body."  
_

"_WHAT!"  
_

"_Okay, Isabella, please pay attention. I've only been allotted a certain amount of time to prepare you for this. You were never meant to  
marry and 'join' with Edward Cullen. He's dead. He can't really father children and you were not supposed to have a child, but you did  
and she has no essence or soul of her own. The 'why' of this situation must be left for another time. Right now, the child must be dealt  
with. Since your teenage 'Isabella Swan' body is quite useless now, and you were not supposed to die now, your Spirit will move into the  
body of the child. She will only exhibit one vampire trait, she is mostly human, and the rapid growth and physical development that the  
doctor predicted will take place. You will be fully matured in 5 years, but before that time you will have become fully human. No traces  
of anything inhuman will remain. Now, it is time for you to be on your way, Isabella."_

"There are two things you must remember. First you will be a baby, but your mind, your consciousness, is still 19. At first, naturally, you  
will be at the mercy of your undeveloped body and your caregivers, but as you grow, you will be able to function and make decisions with  
all 19 years of your experience. You must **not** abuse this privilege nor squander the opportunity. The second thing you must remember,  
and this is of the utmost importance, you must not try to tell anyone who you are. Once you have been 'returned' you must be Renesmee  
Carlie Cullen. Once you have reached legal age, you can make all your own decisions and, if you wish, you may change your name to  
anything you would like. But consider the uphill battle you would face if you were to attempt to convince anyone that you were Isabella  
Marie Swan. Your body will be declared dead and your grieving family and friends will attend your funeral. Try to look at this as a Golden  
Opportunity, Isabella. You are being given a second chance, and if you think you don't deserve one, I can assure you, if you didn't deserve  
it, it would not be given."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Four

Consequences

**BPOV**

"_Oh no! My family! Edward! Charlie! Renee! JACOB!"  
_

"_Now you begin to see, Isabella. You have the chance to try to fill a small part of the void that your death caused in their  
hearts. You can comfort them right from the start, even as a tiny baby. You will have your experience and intelligence,  
Isabella! Use them! Grab the chance to show the people in your life how much you love them! Make up for lost time!  
Rebuild those bridges! You can do this, Renesmee! I have faith in you!"  
_

"_Gran, what do I do if someone tries to figure out who I am? Gran? Gran?"  
_

I am once again alone. But all the white is gone. Everything is black now. But I am still warm and comfortable and I feel  
safe. I can hear noises. Someone's singing. It's a smooth, deep voice, a man, singing very softly. I don't recognize the  
tune and the words are not in English. They're familiar though. I think that's Quileute! What a hauntingly beautiful song!  
What a beautiful voice he has! I can see something besides the darkness now. Things are kind of pink. Okay, Bel_, I mean  
Renesmee, you can do this! Open your eyes!

**JPOV**

"Hey! There she is! Hello Little One, did you have a nice nap? Are you ready for some supper? You are so beautiful, my little  
Renesmee, such a pretty girl!"

Her big, brown eyes remind me so much of Bella. My heart gives a little twist every time she opens them to me. She looks at  
me with such love and curiosity in her eyes. She's so tiny and helpless. I know she has a place in my heart and that I will love  
and protect her for the rest of my life. She is the only remaining bit of Bella that I have and the imprint has cemented my devotion  
to her along with the vestiges of the love that will always live in my soul for her mother. I will spend the rest of my natural life  
trying to make her happy and when she is older, I will tell her about the beautiful girl that gave up her own life in exchange for  
her daughter's. I will make certain Renesmee knows how much her mother loved her, even though she only held her for a few  
seconds. She will know that Bella loved her long before she ever made her appearance. And I will never, ever tell her that she  
was responsible for her mother's death. She can never be allowed to think that she should carry the burden for that. That's all  
on Edward as far as I'm concerned. I hold him 100 percent to task for that.

But I haven't attempted to exact any revenge against him. Not that I didn't want to, oh no. I wanted to tear Edward Cullen into  
a thousand little pieces and burn each one individually. All the way back to the day he met Bella, Edward was set on a course for  
her destruction. I don't care what he said he felt for her. I don't give a damn what he made her believe about their destined future  
together. He was set on causing her death, one way or another, from day one. But Edward's behavior since Bella's funeral has  
stopped me from carrying out any of the vengeful scenarios I've come up with. That and the fact that he's the father of my imprint.  
Oh my God! That hurts to even think. Sometimes it hurts more than I can tolerate. Edward has taken on the role of zombie now.  
He moves around the house in slow motion. He speaks to no one. He does nothing. He interacts not at all with his child. He's acting  
like she doesn't exist. He's just wandering around like a dried up leaf blowing around the forest in a whirlwind.

I've still been living in the Cullen household, so I can be near Renesmee. It's hard, and it's getting more difficult every day. Esme and  
Carlisle have told me that if I need to be back home in La Push, I can have visitation with her. It feels ludicrous to ask permission to  
babysit my imprint. This has got to be the most fucked up situation I've ever experienced. Though Edward has been locked in his own  
head for several days now, the rest of the family and Seth and Leah have all been sharing baby duties.

She's being given formula in her bottles. Thank God and Taha Aki and anyone else in charge, the Cullens tried to feed her a bottle filled  
with blood, and she refused it outright. I have never been so grateful for such a seemingly small thing in my entire life. She prefers  
human food. Thank you Bella. Thank you for giving your daughter enough of yourself to make her as human as possible.

She's growing kind of fast, like Carlisle predicted. If his research proves to be accurate, she should reach adulthood, about like an  
eighteen-year-old, in five or so years. I think I'm happy about this. The jury is still out. Perhaps in five years, I will have learned to  
accept the bizarre nature and crippling tragedy of how she came into the world and my crazy relationship and connection to her. She  
is an adorable little girl. She really does look like a tiny little Bella. The fact that I just thought that disturbs me on several different  
levels. Will I ever be able to let go of the aching sorrow in that part of my heart?

When she was about 5 weeks old, already walking and talking in complete sentences, Renesmee found me sitting on the front steps  
of the Cullen home, watching the sunset turn the sky pink and orange. She came up behind me and, placing her tiny hands on my  
shoulder, leaned around as I turned my head and gave me a sweet little kiss on my cheek. Then she hit the target dead center with  
a perfectly innocent but heart-felt question.

"Jacob, why are you sometimes so happy but sometimes so sad?"

I gasped and then stared at her for a couple minutes while I tried to grasp her depth of empathy and understanding and come up with  
a plausible white lie. I hated the idea of reminding her that her mother only lived past her birth by a few minutes. On the other side  
of that double-edged sword, I wanted her to know everything about her mother and it was becoming apparent that she couldn't get  
that information from Edward. I realized that the best approach I could take for this answer was the truth.

"Well, honey, it's pretty simple, really. I loved your Mommy very much. She was my very best friend in the world and I miss her a lot.  
I'm very sad that she's not here right now. But you, little girl are so sweet, that you make me happy, and I can smile again."

The tot reached up her delicate hand and patted my cheek, then smoothed across my hair.

"I'm sorry you're so sad, Jacob. I'm glad you loved my Mommy. I'm sure she loved you very much, too."

As hard as I tried to suck it up, a single tear leaked out of one eye and rolled down my face.

"Yes, she did love me, sweetie. She told me many times."

She caught the tear on a little finger and placed it to her lips in a gesture that took me by surprise, it was so mature for such a young  
child.

"Please don't cry, Jacob. I'll be your best friend and love you with all my heart. You're very special to me."

I wrapped an arm around her legs and lifted her up against my shoulder.

"I'll be better now, little one. And you are my best friend, and I love you, because you are special, too."

Finally, when Renesmee was about two months old, she was about the size of a two-year-old, I decided it was time I made the move back  
to La Push. I discussed this at great length with Carlisle, Sam, Seth, Leah and my dad. Sam wanted to reunite the Packs and requested  
that I step up into the Alpha role. Dad agreed that it was time and he seemed to think I was ready. I wasn't quite so sure, but it got put  
to a vote and they were all yeas, with me being the one abstain of course. Even my other Pack brothers forgave me and wanted me to  
return to the fold. They were all ready to try to get back to some sort of normalcy in our lives. I hoped we could leave behind some of  
the drama we'd been forced to endure. If that could happen, I'd gladly take over as Alpha. It wouldn't be such a pain in the ass and a  
thankless job if things would settle down a little.

Esme, Carlisle, Leah and I put our heads together and arranged a schedule for Ren's trips to La Push. I could no longer handle the mouthful  
name that Bella came up with to honor the two grandmothers, so I shortened it to 'Ren'. I had at first thought of calling her 'Nessie' or 'Ness'  
but then Leah poked me hard in the ribs and said, "Leave it to you, Black, to give a defenseless baby the name of a sea monster! Is that an  
editorial comment on your part?" That talked me out of 'Nessie' right then and there. No monster references please.

Ren came home with us at three months. She really was growing rapidly, already reaching the size of an average four year old child. She  
had begun to walk and talk so fast it made all our heads spin. She didn't talk much, but she was quite capable and her vocabulary was  
growing exponentially. I was puffed up for days when the first word she spoke was 'Jake'. She was only about 2 weeks old when that  
happened. We were sitting on the sofa in the Cullen's living room; I was slouched way down with Ren on my belly, playing patty cake. I  
held her tiny hands with my fingers and supported her with my thighs with my feet propped on the coffee table. Rosalie was berating me,  
taking a dim view of my posture and manner, and her scolding had caught little Ren's attention.

"Honestly, dog, can you not sit up on the cushions like a normal person? Come on, boy, sit."

Believe it or not, Alice stood up for me and got up in Barbie's face.

"Oh hush, Rose. Jake you sit however you're comfortable, especially while you're holding Rennie. After all, she's your responsibility too!"

She leaned down and rubbed noses with Ren and said, "and he's your big, bad Jake, isn't he?"

My little angel opened her rosy lips and let out a shrieking giggle, then looked back up at me and popped out 'JAKE' with no prompting from  
me at all. You should have seen the look on her face, she was so proud of herself! I howled with laughter, especially with the look of disgust  
on the blonde's face as she stomped up the stairs. I lifted Ren up over my head, causing more giggling, and we serenaded her with, "Jake!  
Jake! Jake!" She squealed and joined in almost at once, shouting my name to the heavens. I couldn't have liked it more.

So at three months, or four years, however you wanted to look at it, Ren came home to La Push. The visit was kept as low key as possible.  
Dad and I were both thrilled at the prospect of having our little princess with us at our own home. We had fixed up my sisters' old room for  
her for when it was nap time or if she stayed over. She would also need a place for some private alone time, something she never had at  
the Cullen place. They were always all over her, all except Eddie of course. They were so freaking fascinated with her they simply couldn't  
leave her alone. I think even at her tender age she was experiencing some anxiety over their hovering attitude toward her. Carlisle had  
the inside scoop, or so he thought, on how her development would go and he thought it would make more sense to ease her into Rez life  
gradually. I secretly harbored suspicions that she would be relieved to call La Push her home.

Not that it was an issue with me or my dad or anybody else, for that matter, she wouldn't be living at my house. It was presumed that for  
propriety's sake, or maybe just for Billy's and my sanity, she would live at the Clearwater home. Leah stepped up and offered to be the  
surrogate to look after Ren while she was on the Rez. Sue would be there to help and with her medical background, we felt confident Ren  
would be thoroughly taken care of, in any eventuality.

I was stunned by Leah's volunteer move until she explained to me how much sense it made. Ren couldn't really stay with me permanently,  
yet. Dad and I were neither one really equipped to take care of a baby. And, as Leah not so delicately put it, "I can't shake and bake one  
of my own, so I get a second hand thrill of looking after a baby." When she followed that up with a 'don't ask' and a 'butt out, Black' I  
deferred to her wisdom. I knew Ren would be well cared for there, and with two wolves in residence, she would be protected to the nth  
degree.

Her first visit lasted about a month. She returned to spend some time with the Cullens after that. I wasn't completely comfortable with  
her being there, mainly because of Edward. From the moment Bella was 'officially' pronounced dead and her body was prepared and  
buried, Eddie-boy had been withdrawn and uncommunicative. He was especially reticent with his daughter. He had never held her when  
she was really tiny. He leaned over to peer into her bassinet once or twice, and when she got big enough to walk and talk, and notice his  
behavior, he simply began to back away from her altogether. When she would toddle into the room, if he was there, he'd beat a hasty  
retreat. When she tried to say a word or two to him, he would cringe away from her and escape as quickly as possible. Once when she  
walked into the music room and plinked and plunked on a few keys of his piano, he rushed into the room and hustled her out, slamming  
the cover down over the keys in the process. That was one of the few times he ever touched her and I had to be restrained to keep from  
tearing him apart right then.

I was torn over this development. I would be happy if no vampire ever laid a finger on my imprint, my little angel. But he was ...ugh ...her  
father, for Pete's sake! How could he behave that way toward her? She certainly didn't understand and I could tell that her feelings were  
hurt sometimes. But I tried to keep her occupied, everyone else helped, too, and we lavished her with as much love as we could. No child  
deserved any less as far as I was concerned. I wondered sometimes if it might not be better to try to convince her that Edward was  
someone other than her father, like maybe another uncle or something. I worried that her emotional makeup would be scarred if she  
thought she'd been rejected by her own father. It was going to be hard enough to someday explain to her that her mother had died  
bringing her into this world. Fortunately, she seemed to take it in stride and she didn't seem as adversely affected as I'd feared. That's  
my girl. She was a smart one. I'd happily stand in for any capacity vacated by Edweird. No child should have to put up with a father like  
him.

The last time Ren went to stay with the Cullens was when she was about six months old. She was about the size of a seven or eight year  
old, and her mental and emotional stage was along the lines of a fifteen year old. She was amazing! She was smart, staggeringly so, and  
she was sweet. She had to be the friendliest, most outgoing little girl any of us had ever seen. She didn't have any vampire superpowers,  
though I didn't mind that at all. She was pretty fast on her feet and graceful and balanced in a way that would have made Bells extremely  
jealous. She started taking ballet lessons at five months, and her first recital left me speechless with goose bumps and my stupid mouth  
hanging open. She really was something. The most special thing I saw about her was her kindness and compassion. She was so  
understanding and forgiving. She had me spilling my guts on a regular basis about anything and everything that was bothering me. She  
was like my own personal therapist and best friend rolled into one. Her insight was astounding and she helped me handle many of my  
unresolved issues of betrayal, loss and sorrow. A little girl shouldn't be able to see into someone's soul like that, but Ren could. I don't  
know, maybe it was only me she related to like that. I didn't care. I was growing to love her more every day.

At first this was only going to be a visit, I had intended to return her to the care of the Cullens after a while. We had no way of knowing  
what near disaster would prompt me to keep her with me after her ill-fated trip to First Beach.


	7. Chapter 7

Shadows of Love

Chapter Five

Learning to Cope

BPOV

I was so thankful that Sarah Black and Gran had prepared me for what I would be facing. I didn't initially think how difficult  
it would be to keep my mouth shut for five or six years, until I was physically able to approach Jacob and tell him the truth.  
And I definitely would need all those years to figure out how to do that without scaring him to death. That was going to be  
a battle from the start unless I could figure out a way to convince him I was me. Did I want him to know? Yes, I think I did.  
I think he deserved to know that he no longer needed to grieve for his best friend that he loved so completely and with every  
fiber of his being. I so longed to tell him right now, to end his suffering. What I did to Jacob was essentially unforgivable, but  
I was going to work to earn his forgiveness. I had been given a second chance to do just that and I didn't intend to waste it.  
I owed that to Jake.

The first months were absolutely unbelievable. Until the tiny body I was now living in was able to function on its own, I was at  
the mercy of the people around me who were caring for me, just like Gran had foretold. My first memory was Jacob's face smiling  
down at me and cooing to me in sweet, dulcet tones. I couldn't have been happier to see him and I so wanted to tell him it was  
me, that I was here. When I tried to talk to Jacob or anyone else, my mouth simply hadn't yet learned to form words. My vocal  
chords were not yet developed enough to push the proper varying amounts of air through and over. What issued forth from my  
lips was just babbling. It was utter nonsense and totally useless! My lungs were too weak for speech, but not for gurgling, cooing  
and crying. And I did a lot of that. I found that crying as long and loud as I could manage got the quickest and most extreme  
results. That would come in handy and was good information to have. The gurgling and cooing got a reaction I desired the most  
from the adults around me. They seemed to appreciate those noises, probably because I wasn't crying. I found it was a quick  
way to get really spoiled. If I experienced any pain or discomfort, I cried. The problem was rapidly addressed and remedied. No  
wonder babies did so much of that crying stuff.

Since I was unable to communicate at first, I had the luxury of spending all my time observing. I could tell quickly what actions  
or sounds pleased the Cullens, and which ones pleased Jacob or Leah or Seth. They were two different sets of things, I can tell  
you. The Cullens were thrilled with any advanced ability I demonstrated. When I began to be able to form words and articulate  
simple ideas, Carlisle was beside himself and wanted to keep me in his study for hours drilling me and getting a head start on my  
education. When they tried a second attempt at giving me a bottle with blood in it and at the moment the first drops passed my  
lips I spit up and turned away in disgust, Jacob and the other wolves were so proud of me. I pitched an appropriately vehement  
fit after that to make sure they didn't try to give me any more of that mess. I couldn't tell them with words yet at that point, but  
I was fully aware that I did NOT want any blood for breakfast! I would do whatever I could think of to make sure the bottles  
contained milk or formula. Although, to be honest, that crap is nasty too. I couldn't wait to graduate to solid food.

My time spent with Jacob filled my heart with such joy. It didn't take long for me to figure out that he had imprinted on the baby  
that was now me. Imprinted! I couldn't get over it! This made for a whole new aspect to my second chance. I could be certain  
that he would be around me from now on. He would be devoted to me and would care for me. I began to hope that the happy  
ending I knew he deserved was within his grasp, as well as within mine. If only he knew! I so wanted to give that to him. I knew  
how much he loathed the idea of imprinting, but if I could keep him around long enough, until I was able to communicate with him,  
perhaps I could change his opinion about imprinting, just enough. I could make the most of the opportunity and surround him with  
as much love as I could, lavish it on him, maybe it would rebuild his heart from the damage I had caused.

So many times, I wished I could just come out and tell him everything. I stopped each time. He would think I was off my rocker  
and I would alienate him completely. I couldn't risk that. I needed him more now than ever before. It broke my heart when I saw  
how my 'death' had affected him and all the others, too. I was so sorry for the wretchedness I had caused. I had hurt every single  
person in my life. I had destroyed Edward. He had withdrawn into himself as if he had lost a battle to retain his sanity. He shunned  
me in the form of his daughter. That made me sad but I realized there was nothing I could do about it. I had broken Jacob, but I had  
a second chance at making him happy. I could put him back together. Charlie and Renee would never be whole again and the Cullens  
mourned me as well. I couldn't imagine what I had done to deserve the chance to make it up to them. I didn't dwell on that so much  
as making my plan for taking care of the wrongs I had perpetrated. I had a lifetime of love to spread around to try and salve the injuries  
I had inflicted.

Starting out as a baby, but being 19 in my mind, was certainly an eye-opening experience. It was frustrating at first that I was limited  
by what the body I was in could do. Of course, a baby's body can't do much of anything, except eat, cry, sleep and poop. Diaper changes  
and baths were...interesting I guess, just...don't ask, okay? Thank God I grew rapidly and left the diapers and kitchen sink baths behind  
me. I noticed Jacob's furrowed brows when he noticed how I blushed when bath time rolled around. He tended to let Esme or Leah take  
those duties. I never realized how severely he himself could blush!

I was so grateful at the rapid growth of my body. I was grateful for so many things. I was grateful for the second chance. I was grateful  
for Jacob and the rest of the wolves. I was grateful for the Cullens. Except for Edward. His behavior was unexpected and heartbreaking.  
I couldn't tell him who I was, so I had to be his daughter. But he wasn't interested. I understood that he was grieving for me, for his wife,  
but I couldn't see how he could shut out a blameless little child. I began to see his true nature coming through. With my vast amounts of  
time to simply observe, I had the opportunity to see how he behaved without Bella-me around. I was astonished. He was cruel and mean.  
He was beyond rude to Jacob and the other wolves. He was snippy with his own family and more often than not, he shut himself away and  
would have nothing to do with me or anyone else. He brooded and sulked. I began to understand that this was the real Edward. This was  
the being that my idiotic, teenage, angsty, emotional self thought was the end-all be-all for me. What was I thinking? Why could I not see  
what he was? Why could I not see how he behaved? I spent 2 or 3 weeks being morose over my monumental stupidity. I pulled out of it  
when I saw the worry on Jacob's face at the change in my demeanor.

I realized quickly that this would not be a cakewalk. This behaving like a child when I really wasn't one may have sounded easy, but it took  
concentration. I had to pay attention. And I couldn't imagine any better person to pay attention to than Jacob. My Jacob. I was so happy  
in the knowledge that someday I would be with him again. I would have his love and we would be the way we were always meant to be. We  
would love each other and be devoted to one another. And in the meantime, I could be the true, loving friend I should have always been to  
him. I let him down once, twice. I would not do it again. As I became more able to communicate and get around under my own power, I set  
about repairing as much damage as I could. I would earn his forgiveness.

I spent hours with Grandpa Charlie. It broke my heart to see his eyes mist up when he looked at me because I knew the resemblance made  
him think of the daughter he lost. I tried to bring him as much joy as I could and comforted myself with the knowledge that someday I would  
be able to tell him that it was me. Maybe. That conversation would take some planning, I knew. I had a few years to prepare for that. In the  
meantime, I listened to Charlie talk about Bella anytime he wanted. We would sit for hours while he taught me about baseball and football. It  
seemed to really make him happy that I was interested and was trying to understand the games. Other times he would reminisce about his  
daughter. He seemed to appreciate some of the insights and just simple comfort I could give him. It would be a much harder thing to tell  
Renee. Oh God, should I tell Renee at all? That was another big decision I had shoved on the back burner until the time was right.

One thing that made my life easier was the fact that Jacob had decided to tell Charlie about the supernatural world that had existed around him  
without his knowledge. It may have been ill-advised, and it may have made several people really annoyed at him, but in the long run, and once  
Charlie got over being lied to for so many years, it was actually helpful for all concerned. It was that one strip-tease in the woods on Jacob's part  
that allowed me to spend time with my father. If he hadn't been told, we could never have explained the rapid physical aging. It was a shock to  
say the least but Charlie handled it better than we could have hoped and I was happy as a clam.

The only problem I encountered, besides the near open hostility from Edward, was containing my enthusiasm and blowing my cover. I sometimes  
wished I could have had some sort of Alpha order to prevent me from spilling the beans. There were so many times I wanted to, but had to cut  
myself off in the middle of a sentence to keep from mentioning something that Renesmee would have no way of knowing. On the other side of  
that coin, that was how I planned to let Jacob in on the secret when the time came. When I had grown to a physical age where I could actually  
'be' with Jacob in something beyond a best friend scenario, I needed some sort of secret message I could give him to convince him of who I was.  
It had to be just right. It had to be something that nobody would know but Jake and me. It had to be unique, convincing and surefire. Fortunately,  
I had about 5 years to decide what would be perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

Shadows of Love

Chapter Six

I Know A Change Is Gonna Come

JPOV

When Ren was due to come back to La Push for one of her stints with us, the Pack planned a bonfire to celebrate her return. She had  
won the hearts of each of the wolves, each of the Council of Elders and anyone else on the Rez she had met. She was beautiful, happy,  
friendly and sweet. We all loved her and her time with us was precious to us all.

She was almost 4 months old and physically about 4 years old. She was lovely. I was biased, but other people agreed they found her  
adorable too. She had long wavy/curly auburn hair. Her skin was ivory and luminous with rosy cheeks. As a baby, she had resembled  
nothing so much as a Valentine card cherub with her curls and chubby pink cheeks. Her eyes were a rich cocoa brown. They were actually  
a little lighter than Bella's had been, but they were beautiful nonetheless. I tried not to compare Ren to Bella too often, but sometimes it  
was inevitable. She was Bella's daughter, after all. It was only natural that she would look like her.

The night was clear and starry, a little chilly. Those in attendance who were sensitive to the cold air stayed close to the fire and were  
comfortable. I was kicked back with Embry and Quil, sipping on a cold beer, chatting about work and patrolling, and staring into the  
flames, getting lost. Ren was on her way, being delivered to the treaty line by Esme and Carlisle. Leah and Seth were there to meet  
them and would bring Ren to the beach to join us.

They should be here any minute, I thought, and I was looking around for their approach when my cell phone began to vibrate in my  
pocket. My blood stopped and froze when I pulled it out and saw Leah's picture on the I. D. I snatched it open with a low growl,

"What's wrong, Leah?"

"Edward...Ren...coming there...stop him!"

As her words died away and I dropped the phone to the sand, I jumped to my feet. I went into a defensive crouch, not knowing where  
the threat was coming from. In seconds, my questions were answered. Every wolf on the beach began to prepare to phase as we  
turned toward the sound of my Ren's screams. We couldn't believe what our eyes were seeing. On Quileute land, coming toward us  
down the beach at an inhuman rate of speed was Edward Cullen, running with Ren clutched tightly in his arms. She was crying and  
screaming, begging him to put her down. He would be on us in seconds and my decision had to be instantaneous.

"Paul! Embry! Phase now! Take his arms! Attack with me! On my mark!"

The look in Edward's eyes left no question that he had lost it completely. They were wild and unseeing. As he drew nearer to us, I could  
hear him talking to Ren and to himself, it sounded like. He was utterly ignoring her cries and pleas and was instead telling her that she  
had killed her mother and that it was his fault and her fault together and they both had to pay the ultimate price to atone for their sin.  
He muttered something about promising Bella that he wouldn't exist in a world without her in it. To my horror, I quickly realized that  
he was making straight for the huge, roaring fire in the middle of our gathering. It only took me a second to conclude that his intention  
was suicide...and murder. NO! By God, no! He took Bella from me and somehow, someway, the powers that be decided to give me a  
second chance and give me Ren. He would NOT take her from me too! I didn't care what happened to him, but my little angel would  
not go with him.

The whole episode took 20 seconds, tops. From the moment I dropped my phone and we all heard Ren scream and turned to see Edward  
running with her, until the moment I launched myself through the air and tackled him with a glancing blow, just close enough to snatch  
Ren and fall to the sand with her, rolling over her to protect her from the impact, time slowed down in my eyes but the terror was quick  
and devastating. Embry and Paul leaped at the same instant as me, aiming their sharp fangs past Ren's body and clamping down and  
twisting off Edward's arms at the shoulders. Edward's momentum carried him on another 10 feet after I had grabbed my Ren away from  
him. The fire was 7 feet ahead of him when I went past him. He skidded to a stop, sparks flying, in the middle of the bonfire. He turned  
and stared with black eyes at Ren and me laying a few feet beyond where I'd grabbed her from his clutches. It was almost as if he wasn't  
aware that he was standing in the middle of a raging fire. Ren cried out and I cradled her in my arms and pulled her face into my chest,  
covering her whole head with one arm to try to protect her from the horrific vision in front of us. I tried to cover her ears as well as Edward  
began to wail like a banshee as the flames began to consume him. I had never seen a vampire burn without being dismembered first. It  
was a nightmarish and gruesome sight that none of us who failed to turn our faces away would soon forget. Paul and Embry waited until  
his body was mostly ash before flinging the arms from their jaws into the flames as I escaped with Ren.

As the noises from within the fire began to abate, the crowd of Pack and others began to disperse quickly. The thick, purple smoke and the  
pungent smell coming from the fire pit was too much to take for even the non-wolf members of our group. I had gotten to my feet even  
before the screams had begun to diminish and, cradling Ren close to my body, I ran down the beach in the opposite direction as fast as I  
could without jostling her too badly. I wanted to get her away from the horror of what her father had just done, to her and to himself. This  
could be an emotional setback in her development from which she might never recover. She was still just a child, an innocent little girl. That  
twisted, sick bastard could have ruined this beautiful creature forever. I made up my mind in that moment, that Ren would never be apart  
from me again. She would not return to the Cullen home. I resolved to drive them out of Forks, hell, out of Washington, out of the country!  
They would be allowed to say goodbye and keep in touch with Ren, if she wished it, via email, phone, snailmail, Skype, whatever...but not in  
person. My girl would not have any more contact with vampires. Never again.

When I was deep enough into the forest that the sights and sounds on the beach were removed from us, I stopped and knelt down with Ren  
still cradled in my arms. She was still sobbing against my chest, taking great heaving gasps of air, trying to get a grip on her fear. I caressed  
her cheek and turned her face up to me to look into her eyes. Oh, my poor little angel. Her eyes were red and puffy, still watery even though  
she was fighting hard to gain some control. She was too young to be subjected to such fear and heartache. I was not doing a good enough  
job protecting her. I was letting her down, just like I did her mother. I needed to step up and be a better man for Ren. She deserved nothing  
less than my complete dedication and I would see to it that she never again knew fear or sorrow.

"Ren, honey, are you hurt? Did he hurt you, baby?"

She choked on her tears and sucked in some more air and tried to speak. She shook her head and looked into my eyes. Her voice was barely  
a whisper. She sounded so tiny and scared.

"No, I'm not hurt. Jacob, why? Why would he try to kill me? Did he really hate me so much? Did I really kill my mother?"

I held her close to me and breathed in her scent. Her aroma was cinnamon and spring rain and sunshine, but now it was tainted with fear and pain.

"Oh, Ren. No, baby, you didn't kill your mother. Nobody killed Bella. She simply wasn't strong enough to make it through having a baby. That is  
not your fault, honey. It's nobody's fault. It's just the way things turned out. And Edward didn't hate you. He just really missed Bella and  
couldn't stand being that sad anymore. I don't think he understood that you would be hurt by what he was doing. He was just really confused."

"He's dead, isn't he?"

"Ren, yes, honey, he's gone. I'm so sorry."

She looked at me a long time without saying a word. She was deep in thought and I worried what sort of explanations she was cooking up on her  
own. Finally, still sniffling, she opened her mouth and asked me a question that I never in a million years expected.

"Jacob, were you in love with my mother?"

Oh my God. How does she even know what that means? How do I answer this? How do I tell my imprint, the little girl I have grown to love, that  
I was indeed in love with her mother? How do I tell her that at first I loved the baby because she was the only part of the woman that remained?  
How do I make her understand that some part of me still loves Bella, always will. How do I reassure her that even though Bella is still in my heart  
that the rest of my whole being belongs to her? I sucked in a deep breath and shook off the tremors that had settled up and down my spine.

"Renesmee, I won't lie to you, I can't lie to you. Yes, I was in love with your mother. A part of me will always love her. But you must know how  
I feel about you. You are so young and you can't understand what you mean to me, but someday you will. You are the reason I live, Ren. You are  
my world and I will always be with you. I will always protect you. I never want you to wonder about my feelings. You have made my life so much  
better than it has ever been. You are a wonder."

She turned her widened eyes away from me and gazed out into the forest. She didn't speak for many tense minutes. Eventually, I began to fear I  
had told her too much. She was much too young for any declarations of a lifetime of devotion, but I wanted her to not be afraid that I would ever  
leave her alone. I needed her to understand and believe that I would always stay with her, that I would never disappear like her mother or run  
away like her father.

"Jacob, I know you miss my mother. I know my father missed her too. But I don't miss her. I never knew her. And I can't miss my father. I had  
no chance to ever know him. He left me long ago, almost the same time my mother did. What I do know is that you haven't left me. You've been  
right here with me from the first moment you saw me. You are the only person who hasn't abandoned me. You are the only one who loves me. Do  
you know what that means to me? I know I am young but I won't be for long. I'm aging fast, Grandpa Carlisle says so. I can catch you. Will you  
wait for me, Jacob?"

I was stunned. How could a child understand these kinds of feelings? This little girl really was a wonder. And she was filling all the empty corners  
of my heart. She was healing me. I hugged her close.

"Yes, my little Rennie. I will wait for you."


	9. Chapter 9

Shadows Of Love

Chapter Seven

They Grow Up So Fast

JPOV

Ren stayed with us in La Push for the next two months. I let her go back to visit the Cullens one last time when she was six  
months old. I had consulted closely with Carlisle about her development and progress and we brought Sue Clearwater into  
the discussions to have her input and bring her up to speed with Carlisle's research. He duplicated all of Renesmee's medical  
records for us, showing us the evidence he had collected indicating that Ren was virtually 100 percent human. This was the  
best news we'd had in a while. It appeared, Carlisle explained, that as she aged she was becoming more human, less vampire.  
It was as if by the time she was fully grown she would be fully human. What would happen with her aging at that point was  
strictly guesswork on everyone's part. Carlisle reasoned that if she did indeed become completely human, she would no longer  
have need of a vampire physician. They began to make their preparations to leave, forever.

The first parting gift the vampire side of Ren's family gave her was the biggest and most important in my opinion. A few weeks  
after she was born, Alice had a crippling vision and called us all together to tell us that the Volturi were on their way to Washington.  
With no other warning than that, the Italian vampire royalty appeared on the Cullen's doorstep less than 24 hours later. The Pack  
was on high alert with wolves in the woods surrounding the house. Ren was hidden as far away as we dared take her. I had phased  
and carried her into the Canadian Rockies with camping and survival gear and supplies for 2 months. Carlisle answered the door and  
welcomed seven of the bloodsuckers into the house like old friends or long lost cousins. With wolves close by and me phased up North,  
I had a front row seat to the whole scene. Sam's black wolf had the prime view through a window as all the Pack bore witness to the  
defense of our lives mounted by the Cullens.

The head leech, Aro they called him, tried to act nice and happy to see everyone, until he noticed that 'everyone' wasn't there. He  
demanded to know where Edward and Bella were and had Bella been turned yet. He didn't initially believe the story he was hearing  
and the group began to get agitated and threatening. But that little pixie, Alice, came to the rescue. She stepped up to Aro, brazen  
as anything, and held her hand out to him as if to shake his hand in greeting. We watched in paralyzed silence as he gripped her  
hand and closed his eyes, dropping his head as if in prayer. I know all of the Pack was praying at that moment. We had been told  
that this bloodsucker could touch you and read all the thoughts you'd ever had in your life AND see everything you'd ever seen in  
your life. It didn't take long. Alice showed him Bella's death after Renesmee's birth. Then she showed him the vision she had of  
Edward running with Ren toward the bonfire. Since the wolves were blind spots for her visions, there was nobody for Aro to see  
but Edward and Ren, the rest of the beach appeared empty. Alice's vision had shown her that Edward had been successful in his  
insane meltdown and had killed himself and his daughter in the flames. This was what she showed Aro. We all held our breath.  
Finally, Aro opened his eyes, released Alice's hand and stepped back. He expressed what seemed to me to be a false sadness at  
the events he'd seen, offered Alice a position with his organization, which she declined, and he and his entourage departed the  
home with a farewell and an invitation to Carlisle to visit them in Italy soon. Almost immediately after they left, Alice had a new  
vision of them returning to Italy without delay and promptly forgetting that Forks even existed. I waited another 10 days before  
returning to La Push with my girl. We camped in the wilderness and took advantage of the time alone to get to know each other  
better. It was a time I would treasure for the rest of my life.

I had not demanded it, just strongly suggested that it would benefit everybody if the amber-eyed coven left the area, and didn't  
return. All of the Cullens were not of the same mind. Neither Esme nor Rosalie wanted to go. They said it felt like they were  
abandoning Ren. Rosalie said that since Bella had not survived that she should be the one to raise Renesmee. I made it clear  
that would happen over my dead body. Rosalie offered to help me achieve that situation but Ren stepped between us and put  
a stop to the confrontation with just a look. The rest of the family saw the logic in leaving. They felt that more than enough  
damage had been done and their absence, their distance, was the greatest gift they could give to her. I was not amazed at  
all when Ren was the one to convince Esme and Rose to go. She made them understand that their presence reminded her of  
her father and it had grown uncomfortable for her to be around them. She promised she would keep in touch with them and  
persuaded them to carry out their plans to sign over their home and lands to me and vacate the area permanently. I protested  
the property transfer, but Ren persuaded me as well, telling me that it would normally be hers as their next of kin, but that she  
was too young to own property. The Cullens legally named Leah as Renesmee's guardian. This satisfied my little girl.

"Jacob, you will always be with me. I trust you. You and Leah can take care of this for me, won't you? Please?"

Of course, any refusal to her was not going to happen. I was incapable of telling her no. But she was so far from being a spoiled  
brat. She was so mature and sound-minded. She was wise. Sometimes I would try, but I simply could not put into words how  
amazing this child was. I was so proud of her.

The Cullens left when Renesmee was 8 months old. They moved to Europe and the Pack could not have been happier. Another  
bonfire was in the offing but I postponed it. It was still too soon I felt. The memory of Edward's last act of insanity was still raw  
in our minds. I knew it would be a while before I could look at a bonfire without remembering that horrible night. I feared what  
would go through Ren's mind if she were brought to the beach with a roaring blaze in front of her. I told the rest of the Pack.

"Just a little bit longer, let's make sure the past has had enough time to fade."

With the departure of our local vampire coven, life in Forks and La Push calmed right down. The rare nomad would pass through.  
Actually, they would pass in, just not out. No bloodsucker ever entered our territory; which now encompassed the entire county  
and the National Forest; that we didn't find them, and end them. Patrols were constant, but relaxed. With 10 wolves, it was  
simple to have one on patrol at all times. The estate that had been left to Ren benefitted the Rez, at her insistence, and income  
worries were a thing of the past. The wolf pack members could work if they chose. There were businesses within the Reservation  
that employed most of us. A construction company and an auto repair garage occupied the majority. Leah had essentially become  
a full-time mother to Renesmee. She and Sue were taking excellent care of her, even home-schooling her since her attendance at  
a public school would have attracted too much attention. Her rapid growth was one thing, but her incredible intelligence and  
learning capacity was the most noticeable. When she was two years old and physically about fourteen, she was taking online college  
courses. By the time she was big enough to be considered an adult, she would have a master's degree. I couldn't get over it.

Charlie was impressed, too. He was proud to the bursting point of his granddaughter. They spent a great deal of time together.  
They bonded in such a special way, it made me hopeful for Charlie's peace of mind. The loss of Bella weighed heavily on his  
shoulders still, but I knew that, slowly, Ren was making a difference in his life. Not only would they hang out together, she  
would actually watch sports on TV with him. She became a student of baseball, basketball and football and Charlie became her  
professor. And she enjoyed watching and was smart enough to grasp what he was telling her and converse with him about what  
was happening. The most important thing that she did for him, however, was ask him about Bella. She wanted him to talk about  
Bella and tell her what kind of a person her mother had been. At first, it was painful for Charlie, and Ren never asked him to talk  
about Bells unless I was with them. The three of us had some long, deep into the night conversations about her. Ren wanted to  
understand the relationship that Charlie had with his daughter and she had some remarkable insights that she shared with him.  
I think it was the best thing anyone could have done for him. She was healing him. Just like she healed me.

Healing was the supernatural power that Renesmee got. She had no other vampire traits. But she definitely had a gift. She could  
love with her whole self and if that love was directed at you, you felt it right through to your bones. She could sense when someone  
was sad or worried, even if they were making every effort to hide it. Her abilities to empathize were boundless. She could put  
herself in your shoes. And then she could commiserate and give gentle advice that didn't sound like advice. I would often stand  
off to the side at gatherings and watch her sit next to someone that seemed to her to be distraught about something. She would  
take their hand and look directly into their eyes and sooth their souls. She did that for me more times than I could count. She did  
it for Charlie. She did it for Leah.

That had been a most astonishing thing to watch. The transformation of Leah Clearwater, as implemented by Renesmee Cullen, was  
a story for the ages. At first Leah approached Ren's caretaking as an obligation, a duty, and not necessarily a pleasant one, just  
something that needed to be done. By the time Ren was in her teenage body, Leah, who had also continued to phase so had not  
aged, was Ren's best friend. Leah's bitterness had left her, talked out of her by her charge, Renesmee. I wasn't privy to most of  
those conversations, but the end result was nothing short of miraculous. Leah had been reborn and it was strictly due to her  
association with Renesmee. What can I say, my girl was a healer.


	10. Chapter 10

Shadows of Love

Chapter Eight

Ren and The Wolves

JPOV

Renesmee was one of the most charming children you'd ever want to meet. She could disarm the grouchiest and most  
disagreeable grumps she encountered. Her conquest of the rest of the Pack was a tale that I felt would eventually be  
told among the stories and legends shared at the bonfires.

When Ren was physically around 13, she completed her high school studies and began taking online college courses. Her  
amazing capacity for learning was only exceeded by her ability to see into someone's heart and soul and touch the very  
center of them. She could go straight to what made someone tick and suss them out if they were attempting subterfuge  
with her. Her relationship with Leah was that of closest girlfriend, BFF if you will. Leah studied some of the same college-  
level courses as Ren and then branched off into Pre-Med, presumably to follow in her mother's footsteps. At Ren's urging,  
Leah actually began to date some too. This may seem far-fetched, until you understand that she was dating Embry Call.  
None of us were anticipating that. But it had a sort of symmetry to it.

Ren had begun getting better acquainted with the rest of the Pack as time wore on. She was completely accepted by Sam,  
and by extension Emily. She annexed Seth as her older 'little' brother. He couldn't have been more pleased at the designation.  
Brady and Collin thought she was the greatest thing since sliced bread. For reasons kept to themselves, they looked up to her.  
Their admiration of her increased exponentially when she passed them in physical age. She became like a big sister to them.  
I anticipated that Leah might resent that, the big sister role would have naturally been hers to assume, but she begrudged Ren  
nothing. She claimed that she was already a big sister to Seth and she didn't have the bandwidth to take on extra little brothers.  
But Renesmee reveled in the experience. Claiming that since she had no actual siblings, that Brady and Collin were the perfect  
stand-ins, and she practically adopted them as her own. In a way it was a bit ludicrous to see a 16 year old girl giving dating  
advice to two 15 year old boys, but somehow, it worked. In this process the whole Pack became her Protectors. She had no  
idea how much influence she wielded.

Ren's most important conquest, as she termed it, was Paul Lahote. He had never been openly hostile toward her, but his deep-  
seated hatred of the Cullens, his solid mistrust and lack of respect for Bella, would prove to be a challenge for her to overcome.  
Or so I thought. Ren was many things, smart, of course, kind, to a fault, but as I came to understand when she was about 17,  
she was also just a bit devious. Paul had imprinted on my sister Rachel early in the Pack's existence. Things between them  
could have been smoother. My sister was, to put it mildly, a firecracker. She was a strong-willed woman, just like our mother  
had been. She was also hard-headed, stubborn, impossible to reason with and confrontational. She would go toe to toe with  
Paul any time she wanted to do something of which he didn't approve. She would get up in his face and inform him that she  
would allow him to ask her out on a date and then she would think about it. I don't think she ever had any intention of actually  
refusing the imprint; she was just contrary and wanted to make him work for it. She saw the volatile wolf that Paul contained  
within his skin and knew she needed to set some sort of strong precedent or he would bulldoze right over her. A war was in the  
cards for them. Or so I thought.

Without any hint of her intentions, Ren asked me one day if I could take her and Rachel to Port Angeles shopping. She knew I  
didn't want her to leave the Reservation without a wolf accompanying her, so she just headed me off and asked me to be their  
chaperone. We piled in the car with Embry and Quil and the five of us headed for the...ugh...mall. The guys and I kept our  
distance, milling around in the outer promenade while the girls went in store after store. We all stopped in the food court and  
shared a laughter-filled lunch and then they went at it again. Embry, Quil and I were astounded. Ren had declared to all of us  
many times in the past that she hated shopping, yet here she was hitting virtually every store in that mall with Rachel. The  
topper, though, she bought almost nothing. I asked her if she was having trouble finding what she was looking for. Her response  
utterly floored me.

"Oh, I'm not looking for anything. I don't need anything."

"Then Honey, I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, but why are we here?"

She gave a slight chuckle as if to say 'silly boy'.

"I needed to talk to Rachel about something very important. I need her not to notice that I'm trying to put an idea in her head  
and make her think it's hers. Shopping is the best distraction and cover to do that kind of undercover work."

I was dumbfounded. I looked over my shoulder to where Embry and Quil were eyeing a video game arcade and turned back to  
look at the twinkling eyes and sneaky smile on my girl's lips. I couldn't think of what to say to her declaration. Any deeper  
information was none of my business, I could tell that by the tone of Ren's voice. I just nodded to her and mumbled something  
about going to play a game or two with the guys. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and waved me off, returning to the clothing  
store where Rachel was waiting for Ren to join her.

I never did find out any other details about that shopping trip. All I can tell you is that Ren bought two items, a CD for me and a  
scarf for Sue Clearwater's birthday the next week. Rachel bought some clothes and shoes. That was it. However, the following  
month saw a turnaround of epic proportions in Rachel's relationship with Paul. Ren performed the rest of her miracle at one of  
our bonfires. She sidled up to Paul and struck up a conversation. He was a touch stiff at first but Ren soon had him laughing and  
chatting up a storm. At one point, they walked off a short distance from the rest of the group and were deep in conversation for  
about 10 minutes. When they returned, Paul made a beeline for Rachel and Ren came over to sit beside me. She had such a self-  
satisfied smirk on her face. I stared after Paul and Rachel for a minute as they strolled down the beach hand in hand and then  
turned my gaze to my girl. I arched a questioning eyebrow at her and she just tossed her hair back over her shoulder.

"I just planted a little seed."

That was all she would say. Two months later, Rachel and Paul announced their engagement. Everyone was speechless, except  
Renesmee. I could only shake my head and laugh to myself. The little devil was a matchmaker now.

Ah-mazing.

She didn't stop there either. I tried my hardest to discover what she was doing, what she was saying to cause these matchups,  
Embry and Leah, yeah I know, and oh my God, Charlie and Sue! These pairings that all seemed to be just the right thing, Ren saw  
them exactly as they should be. And she cared enough about all these people to insert herself, exert her special brand of influence,  
and make her contribution to the love lives of all of her family, natural and adopted. She even told me she had a mind to talk to  
Embry's mom and my dad. She wanted everybody coupled up it seemed. I marveled at her one day while we were hanging out  
watching TV at my house.

"Ren, have you just made it your mission in life to match up all these pairs of people that you think belong together? What in the  
world are you thinking?"

She reached and grabbed my hand, lacing her fingers with mine. She stroked her fingertips up the back of my hand, making goose  
bumps form on my arms and shivers run up my spine.

"Jacob, do you love me?"

"Whoa, what a question! Yes, of course I love you, honey."

"That makes me happy. Does it make you happy?"

"Yeah, it does. It makes me very happy."

"I don't want to be selfish, do you?"

"Selfish? No. What do you mean, baby?"

"I don't want us to be the only people in our family who are happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. The best way I know to be  
happy is to have what you and I have. Someone who we love, who means the world to us, who we would go to the ends of the  
earth for. That is the most direct path to happiness that I know of and I want to do what little I can to help the people I love and  
care about achieve that kind of happiness."

Her words were doing laps around and around in my brain.

_**'Someone who we love, who means the world to us,**_** who **_**we would go to the ends of the earth for'**__._

I looked down at our hands clasped together. I looked back up at her shining cocoa eyes. Her rosy lips pulled up in a gentle smile  
that stole straight into my heart. I reached up my other hand and pressed my palm to her soft cheek. As I leaned toward her I asked  
her with my eyes for permission to show her just how wonderful I thought she was. She dropped her eyes only for a moment and then  
looked back up at me through her lashes and gave me the most adorably shy nod I'd ever seen. I kept my eyes open as I gently touched  
my lips to hers. I didn't want to miss a second of this. As I pressed my mouth to hers more firmly, she lifted her other hand and placed it  
over my hand on her cheek. Then she moved it to my face and threaded her fingers into my hair. My heart was pounding at about a  
thousand beats per minute and I could hear hers doing the same pace. Our first real romantic kiss was more than I could have ever  
dreamed of and all I could have wanted.

BPOV

I've never been so terrified in my life. I hoped I was covering that up enough that Jake wouldn't notice and pull away. I didn't want him  
to be afraid to tell me how he felt; even though I was afraid to tell him my feelings. We had told each other 'I love you' millions of times.  
From the moment I could control my voice and speak actual words, 'I love you' was one of my favorite phrases. I said it to everyone that  
was special to me. I wanted to make certain that each person who meant something in my life, and who I loved, knew it. I had told Jake  
I loved him over and over, and he had said it back to me, but this was new and uncharted territory. This was opening the door for romance  
and we had never approached that subject. Physically, I was about 17. Jake was still around 25 in his body, though chronologically he was  
21. In spite of the imprint, which we never really talked about in depth, I didn't know how Jake really felt about me. I knew he felt drawn  
to me, connected to me, bound to me. But that wasn't automatic romantic love. I didn't want that anyway and I don't think Jake did either.  
We had shied away from the topic for so long, because I was still physically too young and it wasn't appropriate, and we simply hadn't ever  
touched on the future of our relationship. I knew what I hoped would happen, but I wasn't certain what was in Jake's mind and heart. At  
least I wasn't until this moment.

I had waited so long to find out where we were going and if we'd be going together. Now, I had my answer. Jake's warm hands and lips  
were telling me everything I needed to know. I had longed for these answers to my questions about us and now I had exactly what I had  
hoped for. After way too few minutes, he pulled away from the kiss and just gazed into my eyes. I couldn't find words to express to him  
how I was feeling in that exact moment, but apparently some part of me was able to show him my emotions. His smile faded a bit and he  
reached up to catch a lone tear as it rolled down my cheek. He moved away from me on the couch and began to mumble an apology.

"I'm sorry Ren. I overstepped...I misread...I didn't mean to..."

I had to stop him and I had to stop him fast. He misunderstood. He was slipping away. I reached out for him, taking his face in both of my  
hands. I turned him to face me, though he was now looking down at his own hands in his lap.

"Jacob, look at me. Please."

He waited several seconds while I urged him up so I could look into his eyes. I needed to make myself very clear, quickly. I could leave no  
doubt in his mind.

"Jacob, I'm not crying because I didn't want you to kiss me. I'm crying because I'm happy."

"Oh, come on Ren. I've heard that one before."

"No, Jacob, I mean it. Listen to me, please. You know I've loved you practically my whole life, right? And you know that the Spirits up there  
somewhere think we're meant to be together. Well, now that I'm getting pretty close to being 'grown up' I've been feeling...more for you. I'm  
not sure of the right words. But I'm crying because I've wanted you to kiss me, that way, for a while now, and I wasn't sure if you wanted to  
or felt that way and all I could do was be here for you and wait for you. I didn't want to push you or scare you off. But, I love you, Jacob. I've  
fallen in love with you. Please don't say I'm too young, still. I can't help the way I feel."

He stared at me and for a panic-filled moment I thought I had blown it. He looked as frightened of me as I had been before he kissed me when  
I wondered if he ever would. He lifted my hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. Oh no, I didn't like the way that felt at all. He was going  
to push me away. He was going to put my hand back in my own lap, pat the back of it and tell me I was still just a child to him and he would  
always be my Protector but that it was way too soon for anything else between us. Another couple of tears began to make their way down my  
cheeks. I began to tremble at the thought that I had botched the whole thing, pushing before he was ready and now I was going to lose him.  
Instead of easing off the couch like I was afraid he was going to do, he leaned in toward me again and kissed the tears away before they made  
it to my chin.

"Aw, my sweet Renesmee. You have no idea how much I've wanted to tell you how I feel. I didn't want you to think I was some sort of pervert  
or cradle robber or something. Honey, I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you. You are the sweetest child I have ever known and I'm proud  
to call you my best friend. No, don't cry baby! Let me finish. I don't think you're still a child. I think you are the most beautiful young lady I've  
ever seen and what I feel for you right here is deeper than I know how to tell you. Ren, I love you. And I'm in love with you too. I was so scared  
to tell you. C'mere, Honey."

Jacob wrapped me up in his strong, warm embrace, held my hand in his on his chest, covering his heart, and all was right with my world. I buried  
my face in his shoulder and drew in a deep breath of his woodsy, spicy scent. He soothed my soul. Any sacrifice I had ever made or would make  
in the future would be worth it because of him. I knew he was my future and that I loved him more than my own life. I would do anything for him  
and I would trust him and try to make sure he trusted me. I only had the one secret from him. Someday I would tell him. But for now, I would  
just love him. Thank God for second chances.

JPOV

My girl wasn't really a girl anymore. She was a young woman and she was beautiful with a loving heart and a kind spirit. And she was mine. She  
was all mine. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me drawing in a deep breath of her sweet, spicy fresh fragrance. This angel  
had patched together the scattered and broken pieces of my heart and my mind. She soothed my soul. Because I loved her, and because she  
loved me, I could see a future. I could see my life stretching out and having meaning. She had saved me. She had healed me. I could breathe  
and think and feel because she had made me whole again. And she had taught me how to love my memories, let go of the sorrow, and live for  
the future. She was a miracle. She was my miracle.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Nine

Billy Black and The Wolfpack Succumb

"Ummm, ohhhhh, that is simply ambrosia, that's what it is."

"Why thank you, Billy. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I thought you might need a treat before your trip to Hell today."

"Aw, sweetheart, did you have to mention that now? I've got 3 bites left. Let me wallow in pleasure uninterrupted, 'kay?"

"Okay, I get it. I'll stay quiet till you're done."

Renesmee sat quietly at the kitchen table in the Black home for a few more minutes. She smiled as she watched Billy Black close  
his eyes in ecstasy, savoring the last bites of the pie she'd made for him. Billy didn't know it was sugar-free. He may not have  
cared either way. All he knew was that the flavor of the chocolate pecan pie was heavenly and the angel across the table from  
him had made it especially for him and nobody else. Renesmee's intentions weren't widely broadcast by her, but were completely  
transparent for anyone who'd take notice. She was helping Billy get a grip on his diabetes. She loved Billy and understood how  
much everyone else loved him too and how important it was that he hang around for a very long time. She had begun a diet and  
exercise program tailored just for him with help from Sue Clearwater Swan. She had even given Sue the encouragement to take  
a shot at Charlie's diet and lack of exercise regimen. Both men protested vehemently at first, then Renesmee worked on them,  
together and individually, and used her powers of persuasion to insinuate her ideas into their heads. The men soon felt like they  
were both stepping up to take better care of themselves as a demonstration of their strong characters and dedication to a healthy  
lifestyle, their own ideas, their own decisions. Renesmee thought to herself, whatever works.

Once Billy had finished his slice of pie, he wheeled himself over to the therapy table Renesmee had set up in the living room. She  
had shoved furniture out of the way to make room and set up the portable folding table. She adjusted the height to its lowest  
setting and Billy maneuvered himself from his chair to the table. Renesmee proceeded to work Billy's legs unmercifully to strengthen  
his muscles away from the atrophy that his inactivity had begun to produce. After several months of this focused attention, Billy's  
legs had begun to show significant signs of recovery. He could lift them from the table on his own and push against Renesmee with  
his feet. Jacob joined in for many of these therapy sessions and eventually Billy could even push against his towering son with  
noticeably increased strength. They also concentrated efforts on Billy's upper body strength. After several months, Billy had trimmed  
down his waistline and begun to develop muscles that slightly resembled his son's. One day as Jacob entered the cabin after a patrol,  
he caught his father doing bench presses, with his imprint. Billy was lying on his back on the therapy table, pumping madly up with  
his arms, holding a kitchen chair by the woven seat. This may not seem like such a feat, until you consider that Renesmee was sitting  
in the chair, holding on for dear life and laughing hysterically. Billy was as excited as he could be about his growing strength and Jacob  
was swelled with pride and gratitude at the dedication of his best friend.

Jacob would sit at the start and just watch Renesmee work with Billy, love in his eyes and his heart for his girl. He had never known  
anyone with such a caring heart and spirit. She was perfect and exquisite to him. After Billy had begun to make so many giant strides,  
Jacob had joined in with gusto, singing Renesmee's praises and exalting Billy's hard work.

Bella's intentions were honorable and self-serving at the same time. She still sometimes felt twinges of guilt at the havoc and pain she  
had caused to so many people around her who were important in her life. She was concentrated entirely on making up for lost time.  
Quite simply, she was doing penance. Her conversations in her time in limbo with Sarah Black and her grandmother had opened her  
eyes to wrongs that she had done. This was a second chance. She could imagine that hardly anyone ever got those for real. She had  
a luxury of time, and yet her time was short. She could concentrate on what she hoped to achieve, and yet she felt the press of her five  
year window. When she was officially grown up, she wanted to find a way to tell Jacob who she really was. The clock was ticking.

When she completed her work with Billy for the day, she bid him goodbye and headed out to the Ateara's grocery store. Quil was tending  
the business today and they had plans for when they were both finished with their chores and duties. She hopped up the steps to the little  
wood-frame grocery building and pushed open the door, ringing the little bell over the top edge. Quil looked up from a magazine he was  
perusing at the cash register. The store was quiet and slow at the moment.

"Hey there, little Mee Mee! How you doin'?"

"I'm good Quil, thank you Sir."

"Whoa! Sir? Okay, whaddaya want Little Bit?"

Quil and Renesmee had grown close over the years. When she was younger, she had bonded with Claire, Quil's imprint. Quil appreciated  
the friendship Renesmee had extended to Claire. They were both imprints and were both very young little girls. Neither Emily, Kim nor  
Rachel could relate to Claire's unique situation on a youthful level. They all felt like much older sisters or even aunts toward her. Renesmee,  
on the other hand, went through a stage where she was on an equal footing with Claire and even when she passed her in size and maturity,  
she retained her childlike approach that kept Claire as a close and loving friend.

In the beginning of their relationship, Claire had a great deal of trouble pronouncing Renesmee's name. The three of them would hang out  
together and Quil would try to help Claire with the too big word.

"It's okay, Claire-Bear, you'll get it eventually. Say REN-ES-MEE."

"Wwwwen-essssss-mee mee mee!"

She would sing the last syllable over and over causing fits of giggles in all three. Finally, Quil hit on the nick-name that delighted Claire and  
would stick to Renesmee like glue from that day on.

"Okay, that's it. Ren, this isn't working and I've got the solution. Your new name, at least in the Ateara household, is Mee Mee."

"Mee Mee!"

Claire shouted and giggled at the blush on her Mee Mee's cheeks. It was settled. Renesmee was perfectly satisfied and even secretly pleased  
that she now had a new nick-name that was exclusively her own with Claire and Quil.

On this sunny day in La Push, Renesmee had come to visit Quil with a specific mission in her mind. She had already petitioned Billy Black and  
her Grandpa Charlie for assistance with the vocabulary, but now she needed help with the mechanics.

"Quilly, are you going down to the beach later for the game?"

"You know it. My football expertise is an absolute requirement down there!"

"Good. I need a favor."

Quil folded up his magazine and placed both hands on the counter gazing at Renesmee. He cocked one eyebrow quizzically.

"A favor, huh? What do I get?"

"Hmmm, cookies?"

"Done!"

One talent that once had belonged to Bella, but was now Renesmee's claim to fame was her cooking abilities. She was especially popular with  
the Pack because of her prowess with baked goods. Hell, she was popular with everyone she knew because of her cookies, brownies, cakes  
and pies. Jacob would sometimes look wistfully at her while she toiled in the kitchen at the Clearwater-Swan residence. Renesmee would  
always catch him, stop what she was doing and walk over to him just to squeeze his hand and give him a kiss on the cheek. It never failed  
to surprise him. Could she know what he was remembering?

"Great! Now, Quil, this is very important and top secret, got it?"

"Hmm, top secret, huh? May require a pie too."

"Ooh, haggling! I like it! Okay, cookies AND a pie it is. Shake."

"I've always said I drive a hard bargain. But if it wasn't you, there's no tellin' what the price would've been. Now what do you need me to do,  
or should I say, who do you need me to kill?"

"I need football lessons."

"'Scuse me?"

"Football lessons."

"Don't you already watch football with Billy and Charlie all the time? They've taught you all of the terms and plays and stuff haven't they?"

"They have. But I need physical training."

"For...?"

"I want you to teach me how to throw and catch the ball."

When the laughter died down and Quil had ducked the couple of items Renesmee had chucked at him, he responded, wiping the tears from  
his eyes.

"Oh, Mee Mee, I didn't know you had it in ya! Okay, okay! Stop with the abuse already. Ya know...you've got pretty good aim for a girl  
and not a bad arm, if all you're gonna throw is loaves of bread and bags of chips."

"Aw, come on Quil! Please? Pwetty pwease?"

"Whoa, not fair. Cookies, pie AND pwetty pwease? Okay, kid, let me lock up and you go get the ball out of the backseat of my car. I'll meet  
you out back."

They didn't have much time. Just under two hours before the beach football game was scheduled to get underway. But Renesmee surprised  
Quil yet again with her agility and sure hands. He started with showing her how to hold the ball. He placed her little hands with her fingertips  
skimming down the top of the lacing. She could just barely reach around far enough to grip the ball in her palm. If she held it a little closer  
to the end, where the shape tapered down, she could hang on long enough to toss it. Quil showed her that with practice, she could put her  
index finger on the tip of the ball and give it a final push when she released it. He taught her how to snap the ball to the quarterback. She  
was particularly adept at this since she could use both hands and the position didn't require a lot of strength or height. They covered short  
snaps and long snaps and Quil pronounced her ready to play center for the Seahawks.

Their last lesson, receiving, another area where Renesmee could excel because she could usually use both hands. When Quil hiked the ball  
for himself and Renesmee took off running 'downfield' he wondered how far he should let her go before he lofted the ball in her direction.  
They had tossed the ball back and forth to each other face to face and standing still for several minutes to give her the feel of the hardness  
of the ball and what it felt like to grip it in her hands when she caught it. This was quite a bit different and Quil waited probably a little longer  
than he should before sailing a perfect spiral toward her. The wind caught the pass a bit and Quil sighed with regret that she wouldn't be  
able to get to it. Then his eyes went wide and he pumped the air and whooped loudly.

Renesmee had looked over her shoulder as Quil had released the ball into the air and saw the wind get under it and push its path away from  
her. Without losing her stride, she swerved to the right, keeping her eyes on the projectile, and made an over-the-shoulder catch that would  
stun the Seahawks' coach.

"Oh man! Girl, you are one in a million! That was amazing! How did you do that?"

Renesmee trotted back up to him and tossed the ball back to him casually, grinning from ear to ear.

"I don't know. I just did it. I kept watching it like you told me and I just followed it into my hands. It worked just like you said, Quil! Let's  
do that again!"

Bella continually delighted in the physical improvements she had gained with the body she now inhabited. This football thing was something  
she had been planning since the previous year when she could only sit on the beach and watch the guys and Leah having what was obviously  
a blast. She knew she was too small and not near strong enough to play with them. But then, she was watching a game with Charlie and Billy  
and noticed a player's bio pop up on the screen. The guy had just run a 79-yard touchdown and the TV was showing his picture and statistics.  
He was only 5 foot 9! He was a little guy! But he was playing in the NFL, the Pros! He'd just scored a touchdown! Bella sparked with a new  
attention to the game and began to question Billy and her grandfather at length about small football players. She was taller than she had been  
in her previous life. She was nearly 5 foot 8 and this, she decided, was close enough. After all, the beach wasn't the stadium in Seattle. It was  
her boys and they'd never hurt her, but she wanted to show them she didn't have to be treated like a delicate flower either.

Renesmee and Quil practiced a few more passes. He taught her a couple of play patterns, where she could zig zag a bit before catching the ball.  
She caught every single pass he threw at her. He was sorely impressed. The zig-zagging would confuse the defense, he explained to her. She  
said she didn't care about that so much. She just wanted to attract Jacob's attention.

"Ooooohh, so you tell the truth now? You are just a little devil, aren't you? Okay, if that's your game, who am I to stand in your way?"

He handed her the ball and they began to make their way toward First Beach.

"Besides, you now qualify as a 'ringer' and I'm the only one who knows what you can do. YOU, little lady, will be on MY team."


	12. Chapter 12

Shadows of Love

Chapter Ten

Beach Game

Everyone else was already on the beach and warming up for the big game. It was November and the season was winding down.  
A champion had to be determined before the weather would seriously hamper the playing conditions. Would it be Jacob's team  
or Jared's? The line-ups had been determined long ago. Black's Bengals were Jacob, Embry, Leah, Paul and Brady. Jared's  
Jaguars consisted of Jared, Sam, Quil, Seth and Collin.

When Renesmee and Quil came sauntering down the beach, with Ren tossing the ball up and catching it as she walked, the group  
all turned and called out to them.

"Man, Quil! Where you been bro? Did you forget what time kickoff was scheduled? Hey Ren. Toss the ball over here. You gonna  
cheerlead, baby?"

Renesmee kept possession of the ball and smiled, nodding shyly at Jacob while Quil approached Collin and pulled him to the side  
for a discussion.

"What's goin' on Quil? You guys been hangin' out or what? You know Ren's spoken for, right?"

"Of course I know that Collin! Don't be daft. Listen, I need you to develop a sprained toe and sit this one out, okay?"

"Sit it out? Are you on drugs?"

"No, Coll, I'm serious. Get this, I've been teachin' Mee Mee over there to play. You should see her man! She can center, run, throw,  
although not so great on that one, small hands, ya know, but damn, she can catch anything that's in the same county, dude! We'll  
start the game and you can play for a while then I want you to fall over and sprain somethin'. You got me?"

"Ateara, you have lost your mind! But I'm gonna trust you. Just this once. You know if this doesn't work, Jared, Sam and Seth are  
gonna murder you, right?"

"It'll work Keen-wah. Trust me."

"Yeah, I've heard that one before. Where's the valuable real estate you want me to buy? I know there's a catch."

"You're damn straight there's a catch! She's a ringer, man. We'll lay a friendly wager on the outcome, with odds since we're subbing  
her for you, and We. Will. Clean. Up!"

"Always with the angles, Quil. Will you ever give that up?"

"When I'm too old to care, bubba. When I'm too old to care."

And so the battle got underway, with Renesmee on the sidelines guarding the cooler full of Gatorade, keeping score and remembering  
what down it was and how many yards were needed, and cheerleading for both teams. The action was fierce at La Push Stadium and  
the First Beach Bowl was a tight contest. The teams were equally matched and the time limit on the game was pretty simple,...dark.  
Even though the competitors could still see the ball and each other as well, their audience could not. All of the imprints were in  
attendance and the chill night air would be too much for them. They had maybe an hour left to play and the score was 21 – 21. Quil  
gave Collin a wink and a nudge in the huddle and on the next play, Collin went down.

"Ow, ow, ow, oh man! That hurts like a mother!"

Everyone crowded around him.

"Dude, what'd you do?"

"I don't know! It felt like I stepped in a hole or somethin'."

"Is it broken?"

"No, but I think somethin's sprained."

"Well, that's the game, then. Jared, you guys have to forfeit."

"Forfeit!? Are you crazy? Forget it bubba. We'll play you guys a man down. This is the Super Bowl, dude!"

"Howsabout a substitution?"

"Substitution? Who you gonna get on this short notice and in a hell of hurry? The sun's goin' down!"

"Can I play?"

"Ren? You wanna play? With us? Now?"

"Yeah! I've watched a lot of football with Billy and Grandpa Charlie!"

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Honey, you can't play with us. It's too rough. You'll get hurt."

"No I won't Jacob. It's touch football, right? Y'all don't actually tackle each other. I've been watching and there's really not all that  
much bodily contact."

"But Ren Honey, it just wouldn't be fair to their team. You're so little."

Renesmee held up her hand in front of Jacob's face, the back of her hand toward him, fingers splayed out wide. She pulled her fingers  
down one at a time until she had made an impressive fist, calling out names with each finger curled.

"Doug Baldwin, Deon Butler, Jeron Johnson, Barry Sanders, Warrick Dunne. And in case you didn't notice, those first three play for  
Seattle right now. They're ALL under 5' 9". So...I'm playing."

Jacob was dumbfounded, along with the rest of his team and their opponents, except Quil, of course.

"Well, I guess that's it then Jake old buddy. Mee Mee will play out the rest of the second half with us. If you guys wanna take it easy on  
her, that's your call, but looking at the expression on her face when she showed you her fist, I wouldn't advise it. Just sayin'."

The teams huddled up a few yards apart and Jared eyed Quil and his Mee Mee.

"What are you tryin' to pull Ateara? You're gonna get our Alpha's imprint hurt and yourself killed."

"Dude, ya gotta trust me on this. Mee Mee can center the ball like a pro and then she can just run downfield for a pass."

"Renesmee, are you sure you wanna do this? I mean, I know Leah's out here, but she's a wolf too, and she's a good bit bigger than you."

"I'm not that much shorter than Leah, Jared, and I won't get tackled, right, just tagged?"

"Yeah, that's the rule."

"That's good enough for me. Besides, I'm kinda fast. Please give me a chance."

Jared looked at Renesmee and then Quil. They both looked back with confidence in their eyes.

"Oh God, I'm gonna regret this, I just know it. Okay, Ren, center the ball to me and run down the middle. I'll throw the first pass to Quil  
and the next one to you. They'll expect me to keep throwin' to Quil cause they'll think I have better sense than to throw to you.  
Unfortunately, it looks like they would be wrong."

The conversation in the other huddle was a bit different. Jacob was laying down the law.

"Okay, listen up. There's no way around this. I really don't wanna piss off my imprint cause I'm a chauvinist pig, yeah Leah I heard ya,  
but if anyone lays a finger on her, I'm gonna remove it for 'em. You got me? Brady you line up opposite her and try to keep her away  
from wherever the play is going."

"Aw, Jake. Why do I have to guard her?"

"Cause you're not as intimidating as Paul, Embry or me and if I put Leah on her, she'll get insulted cause we put the girl guarding her.  
I know Leah, but you know she will. Okay, now let's break and put this thing away so I can take my girl to the far side of the bonfire.  
Daylight's a'wastin'."

The two teams lined up across from one another. It was still first down, allowed due to Collin's injury. There was a limited amount of  
trash talk across the line of scrimmage. They were trying to tone it down for the 'little lady'. If she'd known that she'd probably have  
made another fist. Quil was down and set and then suddenly rose back up and called to their opponents.

"Hey guys, are we gonna have a little friendly 'action' on the outcome of the game, as per usual?"

Paul snorted and responded arrogantly.

"Dude! You really wanna continue to bet when you're fielding a little girl? If you're that nuts, you're on! Same bet as every year previous?"

"Why don't we make it interesting in honor of our 'little girl' and say double or nothing?"

"Done!"

Jared called his signal.

"Hut hut!"

Renesmee snapped the ball to him perfectly and darted around Brady in a flash. Before anyone could notice; she was far enough down the  
beach for it to be considered a touchdown. Jacob was all over Quil and Jared needed to get rid of the ball. Leah was bearing down on him  
with her hands raised. He saw Renesmee all alone, jumping and waving, and he hauled off and sailed a Hail Mary right at her. The quiet

slow motion that kicked in was truly impressive. Everyone on the beach stopped in their tracks. Every head turned to follow the trajectory

of the perfect spiral pass. Every eye swiveled to the end of the beach and watched as Renesmee realized the ball was going to sail over her

head and turned to run further down the beach. As she stretched out her dancer's legs, she twisted her head to look back over her shoulder.

The ball cleared it by inches and thunked into her outstretched arms. Just for effect, she took another step and leaped onto the sand in a  
three-point roll. She popped to her feet, holding the ball in the air, dancing just like she'd seen that Ocho Cinco guy. She wondered if any  
of her friends on the beach who were all running toward her hollering wildly knew that that dude's number was 85 and Ochocinco was Spanish  
for 85. His real name was Chad Johnson. Grandpa Charlie had taught her that. But that certainly wasn't important right now.

"Baby! Oh, Baby! That was fantastic, Ren! C'mere Honey."

Even though her catch had just won the game for the other team, Jacob lifted her into the air riding on one of his broad shoulders. The whole  
Pack crowded around them with congratulations and 'how'd you do that?' and especially 'where'd you learn to do that?' and Quil couldn't have  
been more puffed up.

"Taught 'er everything she knows. I'm tellin' ya, I'll get 'er into the NFL before it's all over. First female ever."

Jacob was happy and proud of Renesmee but a stern look at Quil let him know that they would be having a chat later about Quil teaching  
Jacob's imprint how to play football. Staying in character as best she could, Bella did a quick eye roll at Jake's overprotective side. He didn't  
see her and she didn't much care. She'd never had any success at anything athletic and this new experience was something she really wanted  
to revel in. Thank God Renesmee was blessed with coordination and balance. It was a freaking miracle!


	13. Chapter 13

Shadows Of Love

Chapter Eleven

Growing Closer

JPOV

Once Ren reached that moment when she was really no longer a little girl, our relationship began to change. When we  
declared our love for one another that day, we became a couple and life took on a whole new meaning. It wasn't 'I' or  
'me' or 'her' or 'she' anymore; it was now 'us' and 'we' and soon everyone around La Push began to expect to see us  
together, all the time. Ren was busy through much of her days. She helped my Dad with his exercise and diet. She  
was deeply involved with her studies online as well as her ballet classes. She spent many afternoons with her Grandpa  
Charlie and continued with her matchmaking efforts. I had my own busy and hectic schedule. I was also pursuing my  
studies online. I had gotten my high school diploma and begun college courses. I was working on cars on the side.  
Being a mechanic was the most normal thing I could do for myself. Using my hands to repair a piece of machinery was  
basic and real. Ren loved hanging out in the garage with me and watching me work. She was my tool manager and  
soon learned what each one did and could hand me the right one when I was stuck under a car or truck.

I kept trying to tell myself that it wasn't weird for Ren to spend time with me in the garage, like her mother had done for  
a short time. Having her there always made me think of Bella, but I shook off the déjà vu as best I could. Ren was so  
much more interested in what I was doing than Bella had been. Bella would watch and talk, although I did most of the  
talking back then and she was always a good listener. Ren took it a step further. She wanted to know how an engine  
worked and what was wrong with the particular one I was working on at that moment. She made a concerted effort to  
learn the different tools so she could actually help me. I even got her her own creeper and she would slide under the  
automobiles side by side with me and get me to point out and explain the parts I was replacing or repairing. She really  
seemed to enjoy learning what I was doing. It warmed my heart that she cared so much about these little things in my  
life, and I tried to return the favor.

I was a dedicated front row attendee at her dance recitals and performances. She was so breathtaking spinning around  
on her toes, her long, delicate arms gracefully waving about. She even invited me to come to her classes with her now  
and then and a few times when the lesson was over and we were alone in the dance schoolroom, she persuaded me to  
be her partner while she practiced. She taught me how to hold her waist while she would twirl. I learned how to not  
hold her too tightly, but just firm enough to steady her so she could turn in my hands. She showed me how to hold her  
hand over her head for spins and how to lift her high and then support her in a deep dip. She even demonstrated for me  
how to bow with her. I would hold her hand in mine, with my other hand on her waist, step forward with her two steps  
and then she would continue forward two more steps while I backed up a step. I would do an elaborate sweeping bow  
that I almost never got the hang of, and she would do a deep curtsy, lowering her head in humility and bringing her  
delicate hand to her throat. Ren got such a kick out of teaching me that bow. I had to disappoint her though. We only  
did our little practices alone in her classroom. I flat out refused to let anyone else see that and I told her she'd get me in  
tights over my dead body. She pouted for a while but I tickled her and kissed her nose and all was forgiven.

Once in a while, we actually had time to walk along the shore holding hands and just being together. Sometimes we would  
talk, sometimes not. Ren was so smart and I loved listening to her talk about what she was into with her college courses.  
She said she loved listening to me talk about what was going on with the Pack now that there weren't any vampires living  
in the area. Things with my wolf brothers had definitely gotten quieter over the last few years. We had occasional nomads  
pass through, but nothing remotely resembling the invasions we'd had before.

Once when Ren and I were strolling down First Beach, we came upon the old driftwood tree where Bella and I used to sit.  
When I realized where we were I immediately stiffened and pulled back on Ren's hand, trying to turn to walk in the other  
direction.

"What's wrong Jacob?"

"I think we've gone far enough in this direction, let's turn around, okay?"

"Oh, I don't want to turn back yet. Can't we sit here on this log for a bit and watch the waves?"

"It wouldn't be very comfortable, Ren. It's rough and scratchy, you might get your pants torn."

"It doesn't seem very rough. If it tears my pants, that's okay, I can mend them. Come on, let's sit."

"I don't really want to sit now Ren, okay?"

"What's the matter, Jacob? Talk to me, please. Tell me what's wrong."

I stared at the tree for a minute and then looked back to Ren, heaved a deep breath and let it out.

"Ren, honey, I'm sorry. I'm being a stupid ass. This is where Bella and I used to sit together."

I don't know what I expected her to do or say to my statement, but I didn't expect what she did and said. She took my hand  
in both of hers, clasped it to her chest so I could feel her beating heart and looked lovingly into my eyes.

"Jacob, I know that. I know all about your driftwood tree. Embry told me one day last year. I didn't know how you would feel  
about it so I thought I'd try and find out. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. Do you think we could just stand here by the  
tree for a bit? You could tell me some more about my mother. We haven't had much of a chance to talk about her on our own  
lately."

I stared at her in shock for a moment. She held my hand tightly in her own and gave me a little smile of encouragement. She  
was so understanding. I knew she'd never try to hurt me on purpose and I knew if I asked her to skip this, she would. What  
would it hurt to sit on her mother's tree and talk about her mother? Why couldn't I do this? Wasn't it time? I leaned down and  
gave Ren a light kiss on her cheek and guided her to sit beside me on the driftwood. We sat quietly at first. Ren kept her grip  
on my hand and eventually I was able to unstiffen the muscles in my back and shoulders. She waited. She gave me all the love  
and patience I needed. Finally, I was able to speak.

"Bella loved this beach. She loved the sea breezes and the tidal pools with all the life in them. We spent many happy hours on  
this old log."

It was about there that I choked up and I couldn't go on. I hadn't shed any tears for Bella in a long time. I didn't know I had any  
left and I didn't realize I still had all this sadness bottled up in my heart. Ren wrapped her arms around me and I sobbed like a  
baby into her shoulder, my arms wrapped around her, my hands clinging to her back. I held her tightly to me as if clutching her  
to my chest could help hold my heart in place when it wanted to leap from its spot and run for cover. She cooed and murmured  
soft words of love to me, words of comfort. I guess it was time for me to get all of this out of my system, if I could.

BPOV

"It's gonna be okay, Jacob. I'm right here. I won't leave you, I promise. I've got you."

I wasn't sure how difficult it would be for him. But I wanted to try to help him. I knew I was taking a chance bringing Jake to the  
driftwood tree. I'd wanted to do this for a long time because I missed it and I had a feeling that it might do him some good. I  
suspected he was holding onto some pockets of pain and sadness in his heart and soul. I hoped I could help him deal with them  
without causing too much damage. I tried to be as gentle as I could about getting him there. At first, he seemed like he might be  
okay. I stayed close to him but silent and just let him work it out for himself. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I still  
didn't understand the depth of the pain my Jacob was in.

When he began to speak, I knew it wasn't going to be easy for either of us. He quickly began to tremble and I began to find my own  
throat closing up fighting off unshed tears. I missed the time I had shared with Jake on this log as much as he did. When he began  
to cry, I held him as close as I could. I tried to contain the parts of him that were threatening to fly off in all directions, to hold him  
together with just my two arms and my heart. He eventually sank to the sand on his knees and I went with him. He held onto me so  
tightly and his soul just poured out onto the ground around him. This had been a mistake. I found myself crying with him and I came  
as close as I ever had to telling him who I was. But I made myself hold off. I didn't want my revelation of my identity to be in the  
middle of an emotional catharsis for either of us. I wanted to have my wits about me when I told him so I would have the calm and  
wherewithal to explain it and make him understand. Make him understand that I had come back to him.

After some time holding onto each other on the sand, Jacob began to breathe more evenly and was obviously trying to get a grip on  
himself. My face was wet from my own tears shed over the sorrow and the loss of our time together, time that we could have been  
happy, time that I had squandered. Finally, Jacob lifted his face and looked at me with grief in his eyes. There was also contrition  
there. He was about to apologize to me for breaking down. Oh no. Not on my watch. Especially since I had caused this breakdown  
and all the others he had ever had. I gently placed my hands on either side of his face and pressed my lips to his. I held the kiss a  
long time, slowly moving my lips on Jacob's mouth, trying to tell him through the touch that he had nothing to be embarrassed about  
or to apologize for. When I needed to take in a deep breath, I hugged Jacob tightly and placed my mouth next to his ear and spoke  
softly.

"Jacob, I'm sorry I brought you here without warning. I hoped I could help and make you feel not so bad about the past. I don't want  
to force you to dwell on unpleasant memories. I just thought maybe I could stand by you and hold you and make it a little easier. I  
didn't realize it would be so hard. I didn't know your heart was still hurting so much. Please forgive me, Jacob. Please."

He lifted his face to stare at me stroking my cheeks, wiping away my tears, which he shouldn't have to do.

"Ren, you can't imagine what it means to me to hear you say that. To know that you're trying to understand what I went through when  
your mother was alive. And the fact that you want to comfort me and help me move forward and put the past in the past, like I know I  
should, means so much more to me than I know how to explain. I love you, Ren. And I know that, with your love, and with you by my  
side, I can really do that. I can move forward and leave the past where it belongs, behind me. Thank you, baby."

"My Jacob. I will be by your side always and I will never leave you. I promise."


	14. Chapter 14

Shadows of Love

Chapter Twelve

Ren's Test

JPOV

A few months after the showdown at the First Beach Bowl, Ren was put to the test again. But this time was much more

dangerous than the football game could have possibly been. I thought I had lost her and the abject fear running through

my veins simply brought me to my knees.

Ren had been at the cabin working with Billy. It was 'don't tell him the dessert is sugar free' and exercise day. They had

gotten into the habit of going out onto the back patio after Billy's workout, if the weather was decent, and sitting at our old

picnic table, sharing a cup of tea and thoughts from their hearts. My Dad loved Ren so much. He treated her as if she was

a member of the family, a beloved daughter. He had taken her into his heart the same as everyone else that knew her.

This particular afternoon, Ren had no other pressing commitments and they were lingering out back, enjoying an unseasonably

warm early spring evening. While they were chatting, their surroundings had faded from their consciousness and they paid

no attention to the unusual noises coming from the edge of the woods that ran right up behind the house.

Suddenly, a twig snapped and a low rumbling growl came from the trees just a few feet from where they were sitting. They

stopped their conversation, listening intently for any more noises to tell them who their visitor might be. Ren naturally assumed

it was either me or one of the other wolves, sneaking up on them to play a practical joke. That was Quil's M.O. and it wouldn't

have surprised anyone if he had decided to try to, in his own inimitable way, say boo to Ren and my Dad.

Ren had looked over at her companion, winked and put her finger to her lips. She eased off of the picnic bench and began to

shuffle quietly toward the edge of the concrete patio. Dusk was gathering and neither of them could really see what was hiding

in the trees, but no fear overtook them. They were assuming that their peeping tom was a wolf and all would come out shortly

and be a big joke. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

As Ren got to the end of the concrete and quietly began stalking over the ground toward the spot they'd heard the rumble, Embry

came trotting by on a patrol at the opposite edge of the back yard boundary with the forest. I happened to be patrolling on the far

side of the Rez but of course, I had a front row seat to what was happening behind my house. The series of things I saw next pulled

a heart-rending howl from my muzzle and brought the entire rest of the Pack into the joined mind with Embry and me. As soon as

they were all in our heads, creating a cacophony of discord, I silenced them all with an Alpha order that I thought I would never have

to use.

_**"Everyone stay silent! ** **Ren is walking toward something in the woods behind my house, and it's not one of us!"  
**_

Embry still couldn't see what it was but Ren was so close to it, he didn't dare try to move or make a sound. There was no way he

could get to her in time to intercept an attack from whatever lurked in the dense, dark tree line. Along with every other wolf in the

Pack, I ran at top speed toward my home, fear and panic already gripping and squeezing my heart that I might be about to lose the

one person that made my life worth anything at all, made my life worth everything, worth living. I begged Ren inside my mind to

please stop and turn around. I tried to call to her through the imprint bond to please stop walking toward whatever that was and

back away slowly and carefully. Perhaps if the imprint had been sealed it would have worked, but all I was getting was her curiosity

and a slight tremor of nervousness. I figured that might be the tiny trickle of my off-the-graph fear that she was feeling.

I sent images back and forth with Embry trying to work out a strategy for getting in between Ren and whatever it was. Time had

slowed down to a molasses pace when Embry's eyes riveted away from Ren and onto a huge pair of yellowish green eyes. They

were locked on my girl and moving forward. Within a couple of seconds, the biggest cougar I had ever seen stalked slowly out of

the trees.

Forks and the surrounding area occasionally got the odd lone cougar coming down below their natural habitat elevation, especially

if the winter in their mountains had been particularly brutal and food had been scarce. They were attracted by food smells, just like

bears, and would sometimes venture much closer to human settlements than either they or the humans could really be comfortable

with. I had heard of them coming around, very seldom, but I had never actually seen a Western mountain cougar up close and certainly

not IN La Push!

But I didn't have time to worry about how this big cat was blowing the statistics and patterns for his kind out of the water. All I could

see was the too few feet distance between him and my imprint, and no obvious way for my brother, who was right there, to get between

them. As the rest of the Pack rapidly closed in on the scene unfolding in my backyard, I began to despair of a happy outcome to this day.

I never anticipated the miracle I watched occurring through my brother's eyes.

When Ren caught sight of the cougar that she obviously fully expected to be a wolf, she became a statue. I was able to feel the spike

of fear from her then. She had the good sense to stand stock still but it was obvious her eyes were flitting around wildly trying to come

up with a solution to her dangerous dilemma. Just seconds before I arrived at Embry's side, we all watched in complete shock as a chunk

of a brick sailed through the air straight for the cougar's head. The aim was true and the speed and trajectory carried the projectile right

into the side of cat's ear. The brick was tumbling and actually rolled over the cougar's neck as a glancing blow but it was enough to take

his focus off of Ren for a split second. The first throw was immediately followed with another piece of brick hurled even faster and more

deadly accurate than the first. It banged the giant cat right between the eyes and staggered him for several seconds. He stumbled to his

knees for a moment, shook his head hard to stop the ringing that no doubt populated his brain with confusion, regained his footing and

spun on his big paws, escaping into the darkened forest. Ren was unharmed and safe.

But that was not the miracle we all witnessed. The miracle was my father, the source of the thrown bricks from a STANDING position in

front of his wheelchair. He wasn't even holding onto the arm of the chair. For several moments, nobody moved. Ren had turned in fright

when the second brick had finally driven the cougar to retreat. All of the Pack had by then arrived at the edge of my backyard, but had

not yet advanced into the clearing. My father was alternately looking up at Ren and down at his feet with an expression of stunned

bewilderment covering his face. As suddenly as the thrown brick had appeared in the air hurtling toward the cougar, everyone was moving

toward my father and Renesmee.

She reached him first and skidded to a stop right up to his toes whereupon she looked down at his legs, up at his face, and then wrapped

her arms around his shoulders as far as she could reach, holding him tightly. The rest of us phased and quickly threw on cutoffs or sweats

and clustered around the duo on the patio. We were almost afraid to approach them but I walked up behind Ren, who was looking over her

shoulder at me, grinning like an idiot but with tears running down her face. I looked at Dad, who also had wet cheeks, and couldn't make my

mouth or lungs cooperate to form speech so I simply wrapped my arms around both of them together. We stood hugging one another,

growing more into the family I always hoped we'd be. I didn't feel so bad about my choked up throat since it appeared nobody else had

found their voice either.

Finally, Dad began to tremble and spoke to both Ren and me.

"Kids, I'm just as shocked and proud as you guys are, but I think I'm gonna need to sit down now. That may be all the energy little Rennie's

got built up in these old legs so far."

We both released him instantly and Ren reached to make sure the brakes were set on the wheels, while I held his arms to help steady him as

he lowered himself back into the chair that had been his prison for so many years. As he settled tiredly back into the seat, the rest of the Pack

broke into cheers and shouts as they clustered around us. They were all initially slapping Dad on the shoulders, congratulating him on both his

rise from the chair and his quick thinking and true aim. When Dad acknowledged their attention and deflected, telling us to give credit where

credit was due, he pointed at Ren, still speechless and crying in my arms.

"Right there's your hero folks. She's an angel and my champion all rolled into one. Ren, Honey, I hardly know what to say except thank you

and I love you."

If it was possible she began to cry even harder, but she still wiggled out of my grasp and flung herself at Dad. He wrapped his arms around her

shaking shoulders and held her to his chest, stroking her hair as she soaked his shirt with salty tears.

"Ssshhh. Don't cry, Honey. We're supposed to be happy right? This is what our workouts have accomplished. This is the payoff, the reward.

You did good baby girl."

She sobbed and mumbled into his shoulder.

"Oh, B-B-Billy. I AM happy! It's just that I was so scared and you saved me! I should be the one saying thank you, and you know I love you

too don't you?"

"Yes, I know, sweetie, I know. Come on now. Let's get the waterworks under control. It'll be okay."

Ren couldn't be persuaded to release him for a few more minutes, but finally she sniffled and hiccupped a few times and stood back to her feet.

Dad brushed some of the wetness from her face with his thumbs and handed her his handkerchief for her messy nose. She blew into it noisily

prompting him to assure her she could keep the square of cotton for her very own.

Dad eventually looked up at me, at the wetness on my own face, and smiled proudly. I couldn't find any words profound enough to express what

I was feeling and he nodded his understanding. We grasped forearms and I put my hand behind his neck to pull him in for a more thorough hug

and a quick kiss on top of his head. Our joy at his milestone accomplishment overflowed onto my Pack, still gathered around us basking in the

glow of his and Ren's achievement.

Sometime later, after the rest of my brothers and my sister wolf had dispersed to their patrols, jobs or homes, I called out to my father that I was

leaving to walk Ren home to the Clearwater residence and would be back shortly. He hollered goodnight to Ren and said he'd see her on their

next workout date.

"Okay, sweetie, sleep tight. I'll see you Thursday."

I walked my girl down the path toward her adopted home, holding hands and just enjoying the silence of the evening. When we were almost there,

I pulled lightly on her hand to stop her progress and she turned to look at me with puzzlement in her eyes.

"Babe, I don't really know what to say to you right now, but I have to say something. What you've done for Dad is beyond words to adequately

express how I feel about it. You're a marvelous work and wonder to me and you've given my father a long overdue open window to go along with

that closed door he's been looking at for so many years. Thank you Renesmee, just,...thank you."

She looked at me for a long while without speaking, just gazing up with the barest hint of a smile playing about her soft lips.

"You're welcome, Jacob."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I kissed Ren goodnight and made sure the door closed tight behind her, waiting until I heard the lock click, then I made my way back home.

When I got close to our little red cabin, I could hear my Dad talking inside. I couldn't imagine who was visiting at this late hour and there

were no strange vehicles parked out front. As I got to the top of the steps and approached the door I could clearly hear Dad's voice, only Dad's.

"Sarah you wouldn't have believed it, Honey. That big ol' cat was right behind the house and little Ren was nearly on top of him before he

showed himself. I had to do somethin', ya know? Jake couldn't take it if somethin' happened to that little girl, and truth be told, neither

could I. Then I just felt it Honey. I had reached over and picked up those two broken pieces of firebrick off that ol' barbecue pit. I was

gonna try to use just my arm strength to get them there but then my legs just...I don't know...felt strong. I had nothing to lose and Ren

and Jake had everything to lose. You'da been proud o' me Sarah. At least I think you would have. I hope so anyway. I miss you Sarah.

Every day. Good night, Honey."

I stayed on the porch for quite a while before I went inside.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Once you read this chapter and the next, you'll all figure out that the end is in sight. There are these two 13s, 14 and  
an Epilogue. There are at least two outtakes in the works. I thank all of you for reading. I thank you for your support and  
kind words. I hope you've been entertained for a short while by this story. Thank you to the best Beta in the world, I love  
you Murfy. Thank you again to the best readers/reviewers in the world. Always, mama

Shadows of Love

Chapter Thirteen

It's Now or Never

Part One

JPOV

Ren is so grown up these days. She's 5 actual years old today. Physically she's about 19 or 20. She's become the most beautiful

young lady. She's smart beyond belief and so accomplished. She finished her Bachelor's Degree online, in Art History and Literature,

and she's had several dance recitals that were more like command performances. She's my very own Prima Ballerina. I love her

very much.

But I have a dark secret that no one knows. The imprint pointed out Renesmee as the soulmate for my wolf and my perfect match, but

it didn't connect my heart to her. I've come to love her over the years for who she is. But my heart is not wholly hers. And that's partially

her fault. Part of my heart is still irrevocably tied to and will always belong to Ren's mother. I could have kept that part under control and

under wraps except for one small problem. Ren's resemblance to her mother is astounding, and not just her appearance. She has Bella's

sense of humor, her compassionate nature, her kind heart, her generous spirit. Every day, I look at my imprint, and I see her mother. This

is so wrong. I love Ren. But one of the many reasons I love her is that she reminds me of Bella. It even got so bad a couple of years ago,

I persuaded Ren to call me Jacob instead of Jake, which was what Bells always called me. I managed to convince her that I simply had a

preference for my full, given name. This is tearing my heart in two and I don't know what I can do to fix this.

Once Ren was grown, we began to see each other in a different light from the way we saw each other when she was a child. I hadn't

stopped phasing, had the body of a 25 year old man, and I was 22 on my last birthday. Ren is now in the body of a drop-dead gorgeous

20 year old woman. She has long, silky auburn hair that falls almost to her waist and her lean and lithe body is soft and graceful. I feel

more for her now than if I was just her protector and friend. We have fallen in love with one another. Sparks have begun to fly and I've

never been more terrified in my life. What if this is so wrong, it falls apart someday because Ren finds out that I think of Bella when I see

her? I think of Bella A LOT when I see Ren. The love I feel for Ren makes me happy, deliriously so. But the reminders of Bella make me

miss her so badly. Sometimes I have to slip away for some quiet, private time and I think about Bells. I remember the good times we had,

the sad times, the sweetness of loving her, the tragedy of her death. Out in the deepest woods of La Push, strolling in human form, my

thoughts are my own. And I can cry without anyone seeing my heartbreak and shame. I barely survived the trip to the driftwood tree and

I don't think my girl knows that I still have this turmoil in my heart. I hope I can figure something out before tonight's birthday party. I

have an engagement ring for Renesmee in my pocket and this is going to be...tricky. I have to find a way to put Bella out of my mind, at

least as much as is humanly possible for me.

The party was a huge success. We watched Renesmee open presents and cut cake at the Clearwater home and then everyone migrated to

the beach where the guys lit the biggest bonfire I guess we've ever had. The music was playing and Ren and I were dancing in the glow of

the flames. After everyone danced a few dances and had a drink or two, I grabbed Ren up in my arms and carried her, squealing madly, over

to one of the log benches and stood her up on it. Needless to say, someone turned down the music and all eyes focused on us. Without any

preamble at all, I went down on one knee and pulled the little black velvet box from my pocket. Several of the girls in the group let out squeals

of their own, but Ren opened her little mouth with a gasp to a perfect "O" and clasped her hands in front of her chin, utterly speechless.

"Renesmee, you are the most wonderful and beautiful young lady I know and I love you with all that I am. You have made me the happiest

guy on either side of the Rockies. Will you marry me?"

I barely got the last words out before she shouted out, "YES! YES! I WILL, JACOB!"

I stood in front of her, opened the little box and slipped the ring on her perfectly delicate finger. I think she may have liked it, because she threw

herself into my arms, kissed me soundly and then began to admire the bauble over my shoulder. I'm sure she thought I had no idea what she

was doing. Sweet girl.

Everyone burst forth with applause and congratulations. The guys all tried to hammer my shoulders together, except of course for Quil, who only

wanted to steal a kiss from his 'Mee Mee'. Finally, we were able to escape and go for a walk down the beach to have a little privacy to celebrate,

just the two of us. We stopped next to an outcropping of rocks and I leaned against them after I lifted Ren to sit on top next to me. Her favorite

position on these rocks was to sit behind me and snuggle up behind my shoulder blades while reaching her arms around my shoulders, cradling

her head into my neck. I held her hands with my own across my chest and we watched the waves break up the moonbeam that shone down on

the ocean.

I held Ren's left hand up to let the diamond in the ring reflect the moonlight, moving it back and forth.

"Do you like it, Honey?"

"I love it, Jacob. It's just perfect."

"A perfect ring, for a perfect girl."

"From a perfect guy."

"Hah, I'm far from perfect."

"Not in these eyes, you're not."

"If you see me that way, I'm happy."

"I've always seen you that way, Jacob."

"You're too good for me, baby."

"Nope, don't think so. We're perfect together. We are just right."

"Now that, I'll go along with."

"Oh, oh, I can't wait to tell Grampa Charlie. He'll be so excited, won't he?"

"Yeah, I imagine he will, Bells."

If it could have, the Pacific would have stopped rolling its waves. In any case, the silence was deafening. After a second or two, it hit me,

what had just come out of my mouth. I quickly turned to face Ren and tried to put my arms around her. She sat stone still, pale like she'd

seen a ghost, I felt like I'd seen one too. She scooted away from me when I tried to embrace her but I was able to catch both of her hands

in my own. I held them to my lips, kissing both of them frantically.

"Oh, God, Ren! I'm so sorry. You know I didn't mean that, don't you, baby? It just slipped out. I wasn't thinking...when you mentioned

Charlie...I never meant...oh shit, Honey! Say you understand, please forgive me!"

She looked at me hard, right in the eyes. She didn't make a sound for I know at least 60 (felt like a million) seconds. I just thought I was

scared earlier today. This was my whole future I was about to fuck up because of a moment's inattention and a slip of the tongue. Really,

it was a slip of the heart, but for God's sake, NOT NOW! As Ren continued to just search my face for a nonverbal explanation, I felt the

stinging panic gathering in my eyes. A tear or two began to roll down my cheeks as I reached around Ren and lifted her into my arms,

sinking to my knees on the sand. I was so mortified at what I had done that I simply was not ashamed to cry like a baby if it made Ren

understand how sorry I was and how much she meant to me.

"Please talk to me Ren. Please say something, Honey. You know I love you, I do, baby."

Finally, she looked up at me with shining, glittering eyes and place one small hand on my cheek.

"Jacob, do you think of my mother when you're with me?"

"NO! Honey, I only think of you. I only see you! It's just...you've always reminded me of Bella. Of course, you look like her, but your

personality is so like hers, too. You're sweet and kind and loving and compassionate, and she was all those things, too. But, Honey,

Ren...I love you. Only you."

"Have you always been reminded of her when you look at me?"

Aw man, she was not gonna let this go! And it seemed as if maybe she was gonna make me pay dearly for the slip of the tongue.

"Not always, Honey. I mean...only since you've gotten older ...I mean ...when you were little, you didn't...but lately, you look more like she

did before she di..."

The full force of the reality of what I was saying hit me as if the boulder next to me had been upended on my chest. I crumpled in on myself,

leaning over Ren's shoulders, sobbing in great heaving gasps. Oh God, help me! I DID think of Bella when I looked at Ren, all the time. She

was so much like Bella in every way it was spooky. Her appearance wasn't quite the same as Bella's pale, ethereal beauty. But her personality

was sometimes almost a duplicate of my best friend. The girl I once loved. The friend who gave her life to bring the girl I now held in my arms,

into this world. And SHE was the one who was meant for me, not the best friend I lost all those years ago. I had to get a grip on myself and

apologize to this angel in my arms. I had to make her understand that I loved HER!

_(Bella thought perhaps the moment should dictate her plans. She couldn't let him suffer any longer.)_

"Ren, Honey, please forgive me. I may think of Bells often, but I love you! You!"

"But you loved her too, didn't you?"

"Yes, Renesmee. I'm not gonna lie to you. I did love Bella, as much as I'd ever loved anyone. But I love you more, baby. I do. Please believe me!"

"I believe you, Jake."

The name pulled me up short. I felt like a running dog who had just reached the end of his long leash. I was yanked out of my crying jag and into

a twilight zone of déjà vu that was making my head spin.

"Wha...what?"

"I said, I believe you, Jake."

"Honey, why did you call me 'Jake'?"

"Isn't that what Bella used to call you?"

"It is, but you haven't called me that in years."

"I think maybe now might be a good time to tell you something."

I was pretty sure I didn't want to hear whatever she was talking about, judging by the look on her face. She almost made me think she was gonna

plop that ring back in my hand and stomp right out of my life. Oh hell. I was done for.

"Tell me what, Ren?"

"Okay, this is going to sound a little weird. I'm glad you're sitting down. You say that I remind you of my mother, a whole lot, right?"

"Well ...yes, Ren, but that's not..."

"Ahn, ahn, ahn, patience grasshopper. All will be revealed."


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Okay my dear chillun, only 3 1/2 days since Part One. I hope none of you have turned blue. If so, breathe now. Love ya babies. mama

Shadows Of Love

Chapter Thirteen

It's Now or Never

Part Two

JPOV

When she said 'patience grasshopper' I thought my blood would freeze in my veins. Bella used to say that all the time and I hadn't heard that

phrase in years. Renesmee had a little smile twitching around her lips and I was having a nervous breakdown. I sucked in a deep, resetting

breath, and let it out slowly, though my whole body had acquired a severe case of the shakes.

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Okay, good. Now, I remind you of Bella Swan, a lot, but she's not around anymore. She's departed this earthly plane, yes? Okay, now, Jake,

listen very carefully."

She leaned into me very closely and put her lips right against my ear. I could feel her panting breath, warm and moist. Why was she torturing me?

"Rikki, don't lose that number."

Another deafening silence. This one could cause avalanches.

"What?"

"Rikki, don't lose that number."

"I don't understand, Ren."

I really didn't.

"When Bella was in the Taj with you, right after you guys started rebuilding the motorcycles. She didn't like listening to music because she was still

kind of a zombie, right?"

"Y-yeah, but how would you know that? Where is this going, Honey?"

"Oh, yeah, you used to call her 'honey' too, a lot. But that's not important right now. I like that you call me Honey, I really do. One day, you guys

were in the Taj, and she got up, walked over and snapped off your radio. You said 'Hey, why'd you turn that off? That was a good song.' And she

said she just didn't like music much anymore."

By this point, I simply could not form words. All I could give Ren was a wide-eyed affirmative nod. She couldn't know this. She just couldn't.

"That was the song that was playing when she turned off the radio. Rikki Don't Lose That Number by Steely Dan."

She leaned back to look at me, waiting for...something. I don't know what. Maybe for me to pass out. Maybe for me to scream like an escapee

from the mental ward and run into the woods, never to be heard from again.

"Who told you that story, Ren?"

"Nobody."

"Come on, Ren. That's really not funny. Who told you? How could you know that?"

**"That's the question I wanted to hear!"**

She nearly gave me a heart attack with her outburst.

"What? How **could** you know that? The only way is if somebody told you."

"Not quite the ONLY way."

"Ren, Honey, this is silly. Nobody else was there that day but me and Bel... What are you trying to say, Ren?"

"Think about it, Jake. How could I possibly know what song was on the radio when she turned it off?"

"Well, you couldn't. That's just it. There was only the two of us there. And I never told anyone else that story, just that Bells didn't like music."

"Yeah. Sooo?"

"Aaarrgghh! What are you trying to do to me, Ren? What do you want me to say?"

"Do you believe in angels, Jake?"

"What? Ren! C'mon now! What's going on? I don't see what you're getting at!"

"Okay, Jake. How about this? What if, on the day I was born, Bella Swan Cullen didn't actually die, at least not permanently? What if the whole

thing had been a mistake and she wasn't meant to have a baby and she wasn't meant to die?"

And now, the tears began to flow freely again.

"Ren! Don't do this! Don't dredge up all these memories! Not now! Please don't do this, honey!"

She put both hands on my face and smoothed away some of the tears with her fingers. Why was she ripping my heart out all over again? Why now?

"Jake, I'm sorry. I know this is hard. So I'm just gonna say it outright, okay?"

I just nodded and tried to stop my man-card-erasing waterworks.

"Bella didn't die that day. Her body did, but her spirit didn't because it wasn't her time. She wasn't supposed to have married Edward, she wasn't

supposed to have gotten pregnant, and she wasn't supposed to have died giving birth. The baby wasn't supposed to exist."

"But you had to exist, Ren! You're mine! You're my life! You can't say that!"

"Baby, it's okay! Hang on! Stay with me, Jake! Right here! Bella's body was too messed up but her spirit went to an in-between place, not Heaven or

Hell. I talked to Sarah, Jake. I talked to your mother."

"Oh God!"

"Easy, baby! I've got you! She told me that it wasn't my time and that the baby wasn't supposed to be and there wasn't a soul for the baby. So they

put my spirit in my daughter's body. It's me, Jake. It's Bells. I'm here. I'm with you. I've always been with you."

She whispered that last bit really softly and she was holding me close and placing tons of kisses all over my face. If my teenage years had not been

severely interrupted by myths, legends, demons and monsters coming to life, I would have simply fallen over the edge at this point and let the guys

in the white coats come cart me off. I shook my head as if to clear out cobwebs or haze or fog. Ren took it as a refusal to believe. She kissed me again

and nodded her head, holding both my hands in hers, gazing earnestly into my eyes. And as she looked deep into my eyes, and held tightly to my hands,

and smiled 'that' smile that I remembered from so long ago, I knew. I could barely find my own voice.

"B-Bells? Is it you? Oh, God! Is it really you? How is this possible?"

"It's me, Jake. It's really me. I wasn't allowed to tell you to start with. I had to wait till I was a grown-up and, honestly, I wanted to wait till you loved

Renesmee, too. So you would love both of us, sort of."

She cast her eyes downward and looked thoroughly abashed as she barely murmured her next words.

"I wanted to hedge my bet. I couldn't bear losing you again."

The rest of my ability to speak tried to leave me. I began to sob all over again and I enveloped her in my arms and held her as close as I could.

"Oh my God, Bells, I've missed you so bad. I nearly died when I realized I'd lost you for good. I've never felt so alone in my whole life. Why couldn't

you tell me? Didn't you know how I was suffering? How we all were suffering? Couldn't you see? Bells, I needed you so much."

She held me tightly and stroked my hair and my shoulders. She was crying too and trying to find her voice to apologize and tell me that everything would

be alright now. Finally we were both able to calm down and quiet our emotions. It was as if we were afraid to let each other go. I couldn't bear to lose

physical contact with her. All I could do was hold her hands in my own and stare into her beautiful brown eyes. A light was beginning to come on in the

back of my mind. Could I get a grip on what Ren was telling me? On what Bella was telling me? If this was possible, and why the hell not (?) and she was

really being on the level with me, then I'd fallen in love with my best friend...again. And she had been waiting for me for five years. Oh God, I had so many

questions for her. Sniffling, I began to chuckle with just a note of hysteria in it.

"You asked me to wait for you."

She looked at me questioningly and that little crease formed between her eyebrows even as she pursed her lips and made that dimple in her left cheek show up.

"Way back, when you were, oh I don't know, maybe 4 or 5 months old, you told me that you were growing up fast and you asked me if I would wait for you."

The smile faded from her lips and she looked at me sadly. I wrapped my arms around her again and pulled her close, flush against my body, to try to warm her

and stop the shivers that were skittering across her shoulders. She looked down for a minute, drew in a deep, shuddering breath, and looked back up till our

eyes locked.

"That was the night Edward killed himself and tried to kill me too."

I started to apologize for bringing her back to such a painful memory, but she pressed her fingers against my lips to stop me.

"No, it's okay, Jake. It's in the past. I've dealt with the loss and moved on and do you know why? Because of you. Because I knew you really would wait for

me and I would have your love and friendship to make me strong. And I am strong, Jake. You've made me strong with your love and your devotion and loyalty

and your steadfast faith that we would be together and we'd be okay. I want to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you so deeply."

"You don't have to apologize for anything, Ren, uh, Bells. Oh geez, what do I call you now?"

She smiled up at me warmly and reached her hand up to stroke her cool fingers across my brow.

"Whatever you want to call me is fine. You can stick with 'Honey' if you want. I always liked that anyway. It might simplify things at first."

"Well, Honey, you don't have to say you're sorry..."

"But I really do, Jake. But I won't beat the dead horse. Let me say it and we'll move on. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you and I'm sorry for breaking

your heart. I have no excuse, only reasons. I was young, foolish, and stupid; the list goes on and on. Okay, that's done, I promise. The main thing is that

I was lucky. Lucky to have known you and have you in my life and lucky to have been given a second chance to right some of the wrongs I did. I don't

know that I was so deserving but I embraced the opportunity to fix some stuff. That's one reason I've spent so much time with Charlie. I've tried to ease

his pain of losing me. I can never erase it, but I can love him now and try to help him be a little happier maybe. But you, Jake, my Jacob, you mean everything

to me. You always have but I was too blind to see it. You were always enough for me. You were always more than good enough. I didn't understand how

much you loved me and how much I truly loved you, until it was too late. But it wasn't too late, do you see? Please don't think I'm crazy. Please tell me

you believe me."

I felt like I was floating and I was numb. I was trying to wrap my mind around everything Re_, Bella was telling me. Could this possibly be true? If it was I

would have to say that I was the luckiest bastard that ever walked the face of the earth. There was no way I was going to waste this chance. Even if she's

just pulling my leg, I didn't care. This girl, this woman, loved me, made me happy, was my soul mate. I felt my heart swelling to more than its full proportion.

I hugged my girl close to me, placing sweet kisses on her forehead, her cheeks, and her eyelids. Then I found her lips and I attempted to answer her requests.

I didn't think she was crazy and I believed her with all my heart. I could feel it in her kiss. This was Bella in my arms. My soul and my heart and my wolf all

settled down and were completely at peace, for the first time in a very long time, much too long. I put every ounce of love and passion I felt into that kiss. I

knew that this woman would be with me till the end of our days and she would love me with all she had, as I would love her.

"Bella. My Bells. I believe you. Thank you for coming back for me. I don't know how you did it, but I'm so happy you did. And I love you, with everything

that I am. Forever."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: This is long enough to be a One Shot. Please read it anyway. I got carried away imagining the behind the scenes action. Hope you enjoy.

Shadows Of Love

Outtake #1

The Camping Trip

JPOV

"Do you think you have everything you'll need?"

"Yeah, Embry, I think so. Leah and Seth, Alice and Esme all helped me gather stuff and we all had our own checklists. If it's not in this pack,  
I don't think we'll need it. If we do, tough. Thanks for all your help bud. I couldn't have made it this far without your support and input, you  
know that right?"

"Yeah, Jake I know. I just hope you know what you're doing. I hope the 'Addams' family knows what they're doing. But hey, if it all goes to  
hell in a handbasket, you know you can come home to us and you can bring Ren. You understand, we love her as much as you do now."

"I get it, Emb. Although I'm not sure anyone loves that little girl as much as I do. It's impossible to explain, and I'm not saying that cause  
you're not imprinted, right?"

"I know that, bro. Don't worry. I know what you're saying. Listen, go ahead and talk to Ren and come back out and phase. I'll help you get  
hitched up. Yah, mule!"

"Very funny, my man. I'll be right back."

I moved toward the cottage where Ren was waiting for me with Alice and Esme. This was to have been Edward and Bella's home when they  
returned from their honeymoon. Nobody had ever lived here. It was a shame, too, because Esme and everyone had done a great job fixing  
it up and decorating it. But now, there were sheets over almost all of the furniture and a fine covering of dust on every surface. There was a  
somber darkness about the place that gave me the creeps and I wasn't happy about being here.

In an attempt to contain our scents, the preparations for my escape to the mountains with Renesmee had all been made here instead of the  
Cullen home. The anticipated visit from the Volturi had everyone on edge and the sooner I got out of Dodge with my girl, the better I'd feel.  
My Pack brothers and sister, Alice and Esme had worked together to gather together all the supplies we could possibly need for 2 months in  
the mountains. I was going to hide in the Canadian Rockies with my imprint, protecting her with the distance and my life if that's what it took.

A harness for carrying our supplies and providing a place for Ren to ride on my back was assembled of nylon straps and canvas. The straps,  
tarps, tents and virtually all of our equipment had been obtained from Newton's Outfitters. I wondered if anyone else saw the irony in that  
that I did. Bella would have been there to sell us everything we required, with an employee discount even. But if she had not made the  
choices she had she'd still be working at Newton's more than likely and we wouldn't need any of this junk. I wrestled with my own bitterness  
about the twists and turns life could throw at you.

I walked into the front room of the cottage and joined Alice, Leah and Esme as they busied themselves fussing over Ren's clothing. Keeping  
her safe was one thing, keeping her warm on wolf back at 60 miles an hour was an entirely different challenge. The little thing was bundled  
up to within an inch of her life. She could barely move and would need my help extricating herself from this papoose once we reached our  
destination. Esme knelt in front of her and fastened a final snap at her chin. Alice gave her an approving once over and turned to me.

"She's got on enough layers to roast a turkey under there. With your heat underneath her and rising up around her, I think she'll be toasty  
all the way there. All you have to do is get her there in one piece, keep her warm and heed her requests for nature breaks. You mustn't delay  
stopping when she says it's time and she needs to go. If you run fast enough, she may be good to go the whole trip. Just keep your ear  
trained toward her right?"

I looked at the little pixie as she gazed up at me with the stern admonition showing in her features. I managed to resist an obscene reply to  
her since my imprint was standing right there. I had trouble putting a lid on the sarcasm that vampires just naturally brought out in me.

"Alice, thank you hon, but you do know I'll be totally focused on Ren throughout the rest of my life, right? I think a request for a potty break  
won't go unnoticed. You can count on me. Relax, Pixie, I got this. If you don't calm down now, you'll be struggling later when you really need  
to have your wits about you. Just sayin'."

I gave her a knowing hard look. Her performance would be crucial to everyone's survival. She had to go for the Oscar. The Italians HAD to  
believe her. There were no other options.

She stared back up at me, her amber eyes wide with acceptance that this was it. The final countdown was about to begin.

I squatted down in front of Ren and gently grasped her petite shoulders. She was still pretty small but the layers of down and thermal material  
had nearly doubled her size. She looked so cute, a little bit like an Oompah Loompah. There was another irony, I thought. Ren's favorite color  
was purple, just like Bella's had been. Of course, Esme and Alice had provided her with sleeping bag, tent, mittens, cap, scarf, ski suit, even  
thermal underwear, virtually all of it purple. I never dreamed there were that many different shades of purple. But I didn't worry too much about  
it. She was adorable and she was warm. That was the number one thing on my checklist.

"Hey, Honey. Are you ready to get started on our long hike? We should probably be on our way so we can get where we're going before dark."

Her little nose and rosy lips just barely showed through the gap in her scarf and hood. Her eyes were shining with excitement as she brought her  
mittened hands up to my cheeks.

"Oh yes, Jacob. I'm ready. This is going to be so much fun! Let's go!"

"Okay Littlun. I'll go out and phase and then you guys can come out and get me loaded up. I'll be turning into a pack mule instead of a wolf."

She giggled and clapped her hands, the sound muffled by the mittens on her tiny hands, and I stood to head out the door. I glanced at Esme and  
she nodded.

"Just give me about a minute. I'll strip and phase first and you guys can come on out and help Embry and Leah get me hitched up and get Little Bit  
in the saddle."

I turned and strode out the door, pulling off my t-shirt as I went. When I got to Embry, I kicked out of my shorts and sneakers and allowed the wolf  
to take the front row pilot's seat. Emb gathered my clothing and shoes, stuffing them into a pocket of the backpack, shaking his head. He zipped up  
the pocket and stepped back regarding me. I cocked my head and looked at him with the question in my eyes.

"I don't guess I'll ever get used to how quickly and easily you do that. If anyone of us was ever a natural at being a supernatural, it's you Jake."

I gave him an amused chuff and motioned with my head toward the pack harness. Seth and Leah were there to help and the three of them and Esme  
each took a corner and lifted the whole affair a few feet off the ground. I simply walked under it like pulling a car into a carport and they lowered it to  
my back. Straps were buckled around and under my belly and double checked for a snug fit. Then the makeshift saddle for Renesmee was attached  
toward the front, just ahead of my shoulder blades. It was a heavily padded affair with extra straps for safety. The plan was that she would be secured  
to the pack but not part of the pack. I could run as fast as the load would allow, cover as much ground as quickly as possible, and if she needed to get  
down, she could actually extricate herself from the seat without my help. If she only needed to stop for a short break, I could stay wolf and stay loaded.  
With any luck at all, she wouldn't need to get down until we reached our final destination and were ready to make camp.

Once the saddle was secured, everyone gathered around Ren and began the series of goodbyes and instructions for the trip. There were plenty of  
'be careful' and 'have fun' and kisses and hugs. Finally Leah stepped up and knelt down in front of my girl.

"You ready, Sugar?"

Ren nodded her head vigorously, too excited and choked up to speak, and held up her arms to the tall she wolf. Leah picked her up and lifted her into  
her seat and fastened all the straps, making sure she was secure but steady and comfortable. My girl reached down and did her best to grab a handful  
of fur in her mitten-covered hand, giving it a little tug to tell me she was all tucked in. I slowly stood to my full height causing a little shriek of excitement  
to bubble up from her throat. She looked down at her family members making up the going-away party, wolf and vampire alike with concern on their faces.

"I'm okay. That's just a long way up!"

I looked at each one of the group that stood around us. My wolf family almost looked relieved that our departure was imminent. The vampires, on the  
other hand, looked at us with longing and trepidation. They were acutely aware that if their explanation and Alice's little ruse were not accepted, this could  
be the last time any of them would see Renesmee. I turned and looked toward the tree line beyond the cottage and saw the remaining Cullens standing just  
in view, catching what could be a last glimpse of their niece and granddaughter. Most of the farewells had been spoken before we came to the little rock  
house in the woods. Alice and Esme looked up at Renesmee with tearless eyes, trying to smile through their anxiety and not convey their fear to my tiny  
passenger.

"We'll see you soon Rennie. You be a good girl and stay close to Jake and do what he says. Have fun sweetie," Esme murmured.

Alice couldn't speak and only managed to reach up on her tiptoes and give Ren's leg a squeeze before she backed away with her hand over her lips. I was  
beginning to feel sorry for the lot of them and knew if I didn't get moving that Ren would start to get upset as well. I gave her a warning yip to let her know  
I was about to head out and I trotted away from the group. I turned before entering the thickest part of the trees in our intended direction and Ren waved  
madly at our families. I didn't linger and quickly moved beyond the underbrush and out of sight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew exactly where I was headed with my imprint. And to get us there in my wolf form would require a circuitous route to stay away from civilization.  
But it would be worth it in the long run. The area in British Columbia where we were going would require many miles of running to reach. It would take us  
at least three days to reach my intended stopping point. We stayed as deep in the forests as possible at first heading south to circle widely around Seattle  
and then into the Mount Baker/Snoqualmie National Forest. This was where we spent our first night. Once we were that many miles from Forks and La Push,  
I began to breathe a little easier and was able to relax. Fortunately, Ren seemed to be enjoying the ride, the scenery and I dared to hope, my company, even  
as a wolf.

When we reached a good spot to camp, next to a sparkling stream, I dropped to my belly and Ren slipped from her harness and slid to the ground. Two  
buckles and only two, as Embry had planned it, released our pack from my back. Ren popped the quick-release buckles and jumped back as all of our  
belongings plunged to the ground. As we'd planned ahead of time, Ren stayed put close to the pack while I trotted deeper into the trees to phase and dress.  
When I came back into sight, my heart swelled when Ren ran to me and jumped into my arms.

"Oh Jacob, that was so much fun! I love riding on your wolf!"

"It doesn't scare you, or make you uncomfortable?"

"Oh no, it doesn't scare me at all! And the seat and harness is comfy and feels so...solid! I feel so safe with you Jacob."

"I'm glad Ren. You know you'll always be safe when I'm around. I promise you that."

"I know Jacob. I trust you. And I love you."

"Aw, I love you too little one. Come on, let's get this tent thrown up and get some food in our bellies. I'm starving!"

"Jacob! You're always starving!"

"So feed me already!"

I pulled the tent out of its bag and popped it up. It was easy, packable, lightweight and most importantly, big. It would actually hold 4 adults so I knew  
there'd be plenty of room for Ren and me. We each had sleeping bags and I raked up a wide pad of leaves, moss and pine needles and anchored the tent  
on top of it. I unrolled the sleeping bags and set up the small light stand we'd packed. Ren dove into the bag with our rations and water and I started  
gathering up sticks, pine cones and fallen branches to get a fire started.

We ate sandwiches and cookies, sipped our water, and listened to a small radio I brought along. We talked about everything and nothing. Ren wanted to  
know what I could tell her about the reason we were here, why we were running away. I explained gently but as honestly as I could that some really  
unfriendly vampires were coming to visit the Cullens and we didn't want them to know about her existence and who her parents were. We also didn't want  
them to know of the existence of the Pack and we were all doing everything we could to make sure they didn't find out any of those things. She seemed  
to take all I said with a grain of salt but accepted it quietly. I knew she was worried about her other family and I resolved to distract her as much as I could.

After the first day traveling, Ren was pretty wiped out and I tucked her into her little purple sleeping bag before the stars had finished making their appearance.  
I was tired too but for different reasons. I was simply exhausted with stress and worry. I unzipped my king size bag and hunkered down intending to try and  
at least relax my muscles a bit. My dear little imprint somehow knew exactly what I needed. After just a few minutes of silence she whispered to me in the  
sweetest, tiny voice.

"Hey Jacob?"

"Yeah Ren?"

"It's really dark here, and there's funny noises out there, would you please hold my hand?"

I smiled at her through the gloom in the tent.

"Of course honey. Don't be afraid. I'm right here."

I held my hand over close to her face and she pushed her delicate palm into mine, clutching it tightly. I wrapped it up in my fingers placing my other hand  
over the top of hers. We were both asleep within minutes, hands clasped snugly together. My mind was at peace for the first time in days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, we awakened to brilliant sunshine struggling against the chilly temperatures. We ate some breakfast and I helped Ren get bundled up in  
her snowsuit and boots again. She helped me repack the rations, sleeping bags and tent and I got them squared away in the travel pack. Then came our  
first real obstacle, well MY first one anyway. Ren turned around and I made my first attempt to get into the pack on my own. Ren was just too little to really  
help so I was trying an idea I had by myself. With her back to me, I stripped and crawled on my belly on the ground until I was underneath the pack and  
threaded through the straps. It was do or die, now or never. I cleared my mind and phased under the pack and into the straps. Son of gun, it worked!

I chuffed at Ren and she turned and jumped up and down clapping for me.

"Jacob! You did it! It's like magic!"

I gave myself a shake and the pack settled into place. I wiggled a bit here and there until the straps were adjusted in a comfortable but stable position. I  
went back to my belly and Ren used handholds Embry had designed and built into her harness to climb up and snuggle herself into her traveling cubby. It  
was a bit like a short, fat papoose crossed with a big basket of soft cotton-stuffed nylon sides. Even if something had happened and God forbid I had stumbled  
or fallen, Ren would likely not be injured. Her safety was number one on the list and that riding harness setup was the first thing Embry and I had set our  
minds to.

Once she was secured and comfy, I bounded off onto our planned path. While I was phased I was able to check in with the Pack and get updates on the  
impending vamp visit.

"Morning Jared, hey Emb, Paul. What's happening down home?"

"Hey Jake. All's quiet so far. Embry and Paul are currently stationed inside the treeline behind the leeches' mansion. Doesn't look like anyone's made any  
moves yet. They can hear normal conversations inside. How are you and Ren getting along?"

"Like a house afire bud. She's not worried about what's going on back home, yet. I explained it to her, sort of, but I'm not sure she has a grip on how serious  
it is. We made it as far as Snoqualmie last night and we're moving northeast as fast as I can now."

"Damn Jake, you covered some serious ground yesterday! Good on ya, bro! How about the accommodations? And how'd you do getting back in the pack?"

"We both slept like babies in the tent. We were both pretty exhausted. And I'm running so you know I'm packed up. It worked like a charm Emb. But crawling  
naked on my stomach on the cold ground and wedging myself underneath a heavy pack with big straps is not something I'd want to make a career of, know what  
I'm sayin?"

"Yeah. I hear ya. I think I'm on that page with ya, not on my list of favorite activities either. Makes Jared Junior want to run and hide just thinking about it. Brrr."

"Thaaaat's the story dude. Baby it's cold outside and even colder under that pack squished into the frozen tundra. But hey, anything for this little girl that I'm  
ferrying, ya know?"

"I understand. One hundred percent. We'll be available when you want to check in with us Jake. Be careful and try to relax, maybe have some fun, you know,  
some real R and R. Might as well make the most of the required travel."

"That's my plan Jare. Check you later. Later Emb. Later Paul. I'm down."

"Ten-four Alpha."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the early morning of our third day of traveling, Ren and I had arrived at the outskirts of our final destination, near Ainsworth Hot Springs and Kootenay Lake.  
We were securely hidden in the thickest wilderness, with access to warm water pools that were safe from prying eyes. We set up our tent, had an early lunch  
and headed off to explore the hot springs and caves close to our hiding place. Ren was ready for some swimming and a bath so we made a beeline to the warm  
waters.

It was a strange sensation hanging out with my imprint. She was only a few months old and I had only known her for a portion of that time. She was still a little  
girl, but old enough to hold an intelligent conversation and we were able to entertain each other. I felt a bit like a big brother, but then again, not exactly. Quil  
and I had talked about the emotions rolling around in your heart when your imprint was years younger than you and your wolf. I think he may have been a bit  
envious that my imprint would be grown up long before his. Claire was barely 5 years old and Quil knew he was in it for the long haul. Renesmee was growing so  
fast you could almost watch her get taller in real time. It was eerie and amazing at the same time to see the changes that would take place in her appearance from  
one day to the next.

She was such a pretty little girl, still favoring Bella in a goose bump-inducing way. It seemed like the older, or rather the bigger she got, the more she looked like  
her mother. It was a constant struggle for me to push those memories to the back of my mind. I tried to let go of grief, pain, heartbreak and concentrate on  
following Ren's example of being young, carefree and enjoying life for what it really is, a gift. She had a beautiful outlook on life and you couldn't help but be  
influenced by her cheerful attitude. She saw the bright side of any circumstance and the best side of any person. What a great example and role model she was  
turning out to be for me and the rest of the Pack, too.

When we got our campsite squared away and took the opportunity to get cleaned up in the hot springs, for the first time in three days, what a relief that was, we  
hunkered down in front of the fire. In a move that I hoped none of my Pack mates ever learned about, I brushed Ren's hair next to the warmth of the flames until  
it was dry and then braided it in a thick trail down her back. She said it was just like we were having a girls-only sleepover and all we lacked were chick flicks, popcorn  
and a pillow fight. I felt like I was about 5 years old hanging out with my sisters and doing their bidding no matter what the task might have been. I was thankful  
Alice hadn't packed any nail polish for Ren, or I knew exactly what I would be doing right after the hair braiding activity.

We chowed down on fresh fish for dinner. We had crossed a fast-flowing, cold stream early that morning and I snagged several trout to stuff into an insulated bag  
from our pack. Ren squealed and screamed at the 'squiggly, wiggly things' as I thrust my head, fangs at the ready, into the water and came up with them one at  
a time in my mouth. I spit them out on the ground and poor Ren had to chase them down and pick them up to load into the bag. She was a real trooper though  
and I was proud of her. I cleaned them after we made camp and, cooked over an open-flame, trout can't be beat for a hearty meal.

When the sun had dipped below the horizon, we pulled our sleeping bags up to the opened flap of the tent so we could still feel the campfire warmth. We lay on  
our backs, side by side and I pointed out constellations to my girl.

"What's that one, Jacob?"

"Okay, sight along my arm like this, see that sorta blue one? That's actually a planet. It's Venus. And those 3 in a straight line over there, they make up Orion's  
belt. See, there's the top and bottom points of his bow and that one is the tip of his arrow and that one is his elbow where he's got the bowstring pulled back. And  
see this little bunch over here? They're called the Pleiades, but most people call them The Seven Sisters. And see that line? That's the Big Dipper, that one straight  
out from the outer edge of the cup part, that's the North Star, Polaris. And from Polaris you can draw a line down this way and up and over and that's the Little Dipper.

"How about those two that are so close together over there?"

"Those are the twins, Castor and Pollux. They're the ones that are the Zodiac sign, Gemini. Pollux is the brighter one, but Castor is actually 6 stars mashed up together."

"How do you know all this stuff, Jacob?"

"Well, when I was little, about your age, my Mom used to take me to the beach at night to watch the tide come in. It's always real dark there, if there's no bonfire  
of course, and that makes it easy to see lots of stars. Mom taught me everything she knew about them. We used to have a great time walking on the sand in the  
middle of the night. I thought I was so special cause I was awake and out of the house in the wee hours. Mom could make anybody feel special."

"I wish I could have known her. She sounds really neat."

"She was Ren. She really was."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning we rose with the sun and I stoked up the fire and got some breakfast started. I sat back on my heels from where I had kneeled next to the fire  
to watch my imprint. She was cleaning house. She had folded our sleeping bags into neat squares and placed them in opposite back corners of the tent. She had  
stacked our clothing in orderly piles on one side and our food and water supplies on the other in the locker. Now she was crawling around in the middle of the tent  
on her hands and knees and pushing at the tent floor, adjusting the vegetation padding I had raked up when we first made camp. She smoothed and pushed and  
patted until the floor of the tent was as perfectly even as she could possibly make it. I would give anything that I could admire my special little girl doing this 'chore'  
without thinking of her mother who was a house-cleaning machine when she needed to clear her mind of something stressful in her life.

After breakfast, we cleaned our dishes together and I tried to think of a way to entertain Ren and relax myself at the same time.

"What would you like to do today Rennie?"

"Well, I've been thinking about that. I have a favor to ask you."

If this was even a remotely good idea, I was gonna jump on it with both feet.

"Okay honey, shoot."

"Will you teach me how to carve wood?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I've watched Uncle Billy carving a lot and it looks hard but he says it's not. He also says the best person available to teach me, would be you."

"Oh gosh, Ren. I don't know about Dad's evaluation of my qualifications, but I'll be happy to teach you about carving. We don't have much of a choice for  
tools, just a pocket knife and a hatchet in the camp supplies, but we'll make do with what we've got. Is that okay?"

"That'll be great Jake! What do we need to do first?"

We set off on our first task, finding a piece of wood. That was no problem at all. It took us only a short hike to find a fallen branch under a cedar tree. Cedar  
would be an easy wood for Ren to start with and we'd do something simple at first.

We made our way back to camp with our branch and I used the hatchet to hack off a couple of small chunks, one for each of us. I took the pocket knife and  
carved an ancient-style V shaped fish hook while Ren sat close by watching every move of my hands. I explained each stroke of the blade so she could duplicate  
it on her own piece of wood. When I finished, I placed the knife into her hand carefully and held my own hand around hers to steady her grip. We carved her  
fish hook together with me guiding her fingers holding the wood and holding her other hand with the knife. Once we had two perfectly serviceable fish hooks,  
we threaded each of them with line that I had packed and we headed off hand in hand toward a nearby stream. Ren squealed like a baby when she caught a  
small trout on her very own hook. I caught a couple as well and we had fire-roasted fish for lunch.

While Ren took a nap after lunch, I slipped behind the tent and stripped and phased to check in with the home troops. I had only been linked up with Sam and  
the others for a few minutes when the sound of a car pulling up in front of the Cullen house penetrated through to me. The whole Pack was positioned just inside  
the tree line around the perimeter of the vamp property. Sam's wolf was closest to the house and could easily see through one of the huge dining room windows  
as well as clearly hear all the conversation taking place.

We held our collective breath while the vamp family put on a performance to save all our lives. The little pixie pulled off what I had feared was impossible. She  
actually manipulated her memory of her visions to feed the desired misinformation to the head Italian leech. Some of what they told them was true. Bella and  
Edward were both dead. The trick was if she had been able to prevent them from learning that Bella and Edward's child was not dead and that Edward had been  
alone when he killed himself. The whole episode gave me a cold chill down my spine even though I could see my imprint sleeping peacefully, safe and sound in  
our tent.

The Italians didn't stay long after the head bloodsucker was convinced there was nothing there for them to capture and take home. A short while after they left,  
Alice and Carlisle came out to the edge of the surrounding forest to report to Sam, and me. They assured us that we were probably safe and it would be unlikely  
that the Volturi would return to America. I tried to breathe a sigh of relief, but a small group of nerves and brain cells right in the back continued to quiver and I  
resolved to stay in Canada for another week before returning with my imprint to our hopefully safe home. I wondered if I would ever feel completely at ease about  
protecting Ren and my people from the threat of creatures that should never exist.

That night, snow began to fall after a front had moved through the mountains. We were tucked into our sleeping bags but once the fire had begun to die down I  
heard Ren's teeth begin to chatter and her little shivers snagged my nerves and pierced my heart.

"Ren? Honey are you still too cold?"

"Y-y-yes, I think s-s-so J-J-Jacob. M-m-maybe I c-could just p-put on some more c-clothes."

"No baby, that's not gonna help. Don't be scared. I'll be right back."

What an idiot I was. More layers and pounds of down filling wouldn't produce any heat for my little girl. I quickly moved outside and behind the tent. I stripped  
and phased and walked back around, crouching down to my belly and scooting through the flap into the tent. Ren reached up and pulled down the flap zipper and  
when she settled back down and snuggled into her bag, I curled my big, furry self all the way around her. Even with her bundled up and wrapped in the down-filled  
bag she still presented a small enough ball that I could easily encircle her, draping my tail over my nose to complete the enclosure. She soon let me know that she  
could feel the heat radiating from me and she was very comfortable. She was asleep within a few minutes and I released a deep breath of my own and settled down  
to rest. This, I thought, is what protecting is all about. This, I could do.


	18. Chapter 18

Shadows of Love

Chapter Fourteen

A Grande Finale

JPOV

Once Bells had revealed the truth to me our relationship kicked into high gear. We began planning a wedding that would go down in history.  
When we had the chance to be alone, which was not near often enough, I pelted her with questions about how she came to be with me. I was  
amazed that this beautiful, loving and compassionate girl, upon whom I had imprinted, and with whom I had fallen in love, was the same best  
friend I had lost all those years ago. I had always had goose bumps when I looked at Ren and thought of Bells. It unnerved me how much Ren  
looked like her mother, especially as she began to look like a teenager, like Bella had been when we lost her. I thought I was betraying Ren  
because I couldn't shake the picture of Bella out of my head or heart. I felt like such a failure as a boyfriend and future lover and husband. The  
relief that washed over me when I learned the truth cleansed my soul. It was some sort of affirmation that I was not insane to have persistent  
thoughts of Bells running around in my mind.

Ren was so understanding and perceptive of that and it finally hit me, because she **is** Bella. I asked her often how in the hell she managed to keep  
from telling me. She explained that at first she was forbidden by my mom and her grandmother to say anything to anybody. The idea that she  
had seen and spoken to my mom rattled my cage to no end, but I totally could see why when a Heavenly Spirit tells you to do, or not to do, something,  
you comply. There's kind of an unspoken 'or else' in there Ren told me. Then she explained her recent silence with her grandmother's advice and  
admonishment. If she had tried to tell just anyone that she was Bella Swan, she would have been fitted for one of those jackets with the extra-long  
sleeves that buckle in the back. She was right. The men in white coats would have carted her off in a heartbeat. Nobody, and I mean nobody, would  
have believed her. Hell, I wouldn't have believed her if she hadn't come up with that clue.

That song was more than 38 years old. Bells and I had been listening to a classic rock radio station. Someone Ren's age, which was actually only 5  
and 1/2, had definitely never heard of Steely Dan and certainly wouldn't know anything about Rikki Don't Lose That Number. That, my friends, was  
a stroke of genius. It had long been a favorite song of mine and I think it had once been a favorite of Bella's. It was just that at the time, music only  
caused pain and sorrow in her shattered heart. I would come to understand that feeling only too well soon after that day in my garage.

The one thing that Ren did after that night on the beach that really blew me away was come up with irrefutable proof of who she really was. It was  
something that Bella had done that absolutely no one had known about. It was an even greater stroke of genius. The song's lyrics came into play  
in her decision. This was something Bella had done even before she married the leech and the thought of dying in childbirth, *shudder* had never  
crossed her mind. The song told the girl, Rikki, to send off the guy's phone number in a letter to herself. That way she would have it if she ever  
changed her mind about the guy. Well, Bella did it. God, I couldn't believe it and hell I loved her even more when she handed that crumpled envelope  
to me. I was sitting on the sofa in my living room watching TV when she came in the front door and approached me, her hand held out gripping the  
paper item.

"What's this, Honey?"

"Something that might make you smile."

The envelope was wrinkled and dirty and obviously several years old. I turned it over to look at the front and suddenly I couldn't move or speak. The  
envelope was addressed to Bella Swan with Charlie's street address on it. The postmark identified the time it was mailed, 2006, March 2006. That was  
before she had fetched the leech back from Italy, ripping my heart out of my chest in the process. I looked up into Ren's smiling face with tears in my  
eyes.

"Honey, where did this come from? Where'd you get this?"

"I slipped upstairs to my old room the last time I was at Grandpa Charlie's house. He hasn't yet done anything in there, nothing's been disturbed. This  
was under a loose floorboard next to the bed. That's where I hid it when it arrived in our mailbox in 2006. I thought you might like to open it."

"But it's addressed to Bella."

"Yeah, that's what the song instructed me to do."

"Instructed you to do?"

"Yeah, so I wouldn't lose the number, you know? 'Send it off in a letter to yourself.' Go ahead Jacob, open it. It's okay, I promise."

"Bells, I..."

"Really Jake, it's okay."

With hands that were trembling so hard I could barely hold onto it, I pulled open the flap of the envelope. I looked up at Ren again and she just smiled  
back at me encouragingly and nodded toward what I held in my shaky hands. I looked back down and slowly opened the envelope and looked inside.  
There wasn't a letter in there, just a small slip of paper that didn't come near filling the space. I turned the envelope upside down and the slip fluttered  
out and down, landing on my thigh. It landed with the side up that contained some faded writing and I sucked in a breath so deeply that it made me  
woozy. My eyes didn't want to focus at first and I shook my head to clear my vision and get some sense going on up there. I shouldn't be afraid of a  
little slip of paper. This was crazy.

I stared down at the paper on my leg and the writing suddenly just jumped out at me. It was my cellphone number from 7 years ago and it was in my  
handwriting. I'd torn a piece off the back page of an old maintenance manual I had in the Taj and put my number on it. I'd folded it and sneaked it into  
Bella's pocket on one of the last days that we were together riding the bikes. I didn't have that phone anymore. I had crushed it and flung it into the  
wall of the garage when I had gotten word that Bella and the bloodsucker were back from their 'honeymoon' and she was 'sick'. I had changed the  
number when I finally got a new phone several weeks later.

As if Ren's mention of the song on the radio wasn't enough (it totally was) this clenched it. I looked at my old phone number. I thought of the song lyrics,  
'And you could have a change of heart'. I turned my gaze up to the beaming face of my fiancé. What a stunningly beautiful and intelligent woman she was.  
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am one lucky bastard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six Months Later

Ren and I married on the beach at sunset in September just before her sixth birthday. God that sounds weird! My bride appeared to be about 20 years old,  
plenty old enough to marry. And she was more mature than most adults I knew. In her soul, her spirit was 24, which was good enough for me. And I loved  
her deep in my soul. I loved her as Renesmee. I loved her as Bella. I called her 'Honey' a lot.

So far, nobody but me knew the truth. Ren hadn't yet figured out how to tell Charlie, much less if she should. She wasn't sure about telling anybody else and  
to be honest, I didn't have a clue how to advise her. I don't know what I would have done in the same situation. It was a quicksand pit for sure. Charlie and  
Renee and even my Father and the Pack had all been doing so much better coping. They all loved Ren so deeply and it was as if they trusted her to ease their  
minds about the loss of Bella. That's what she had done for everyone who had known and loved Bella. She had kept her memory alive but salved the deep  
wounds we had all suffered. But we had some time still to decide whether or not to reveal her secret. Tonight we had a reception to attend and a wedding  
night to get underway. We were both so excited I think we could have jumped over the roof of our hotel.

I carried Ren over the threshold of the honeymoon suite at the hotel in Port Angeles. The parents had splurged on a honeymoon trip for us, to England. Bella  
was beside herself. Our flight was scheduled to leave tomorrow afternoon so we booked this suite for one night of wedded bliss before we left the country.

Once inside, I set Ren on her feet and pulled her close for one more passionate, hungry kiss like the ones we'd been sharing most of the afternoon and evening.  
The suite was huge. There was a sunken living room area with floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the water where sailboats rocked at anchor and every  
little light twinkled as a reflection. There was a bottle of champagne iced down in a bucket, compliments of the hotel management the card read. Ren headed  
to the bedroom to change and I began peeling back the foil to pop the cork on that bottle. My cork was about ready to pop all by itself when Ren returned to  
the living room. I was just pouring the champagne into the two glasses that were sitting next to the bucket on the tray on the coffee table. I barely had the  
wits to lift the bottle and not pour the champagne all over the table and the carpet.

She was a vision. Her hair was down and fell in soft waves around her shoulders. She was wearing something made out of a cloud. It was wispy and white  
and barely there. She looked angelic. Her skin was luminous and rosy and I could see more of it than I had ever seen before. My mouth went dry and my  
ability to speak left me. Her eyes were shining and glittery. She floated toward me and got all the way across the room standing right in front of me before  
I was able to move a muscle. She had been beautiful as a bride this afternoon. She was simply stunning now. The blush on her cheeks reminded me that I  
had just married my best friend. She just had a new name.

Black.

I handed her one of the glasses and picked up the other and took her other hand in mine. I kissed the back of it and then her palm and then placed it over my  
heart.

"Ren, Bells, Honey I love you. Thank you for coming back for me."

"I love you too, Jacob. With all my heart. Always."

"You've made me the happiest man in the world and here's to the next hundred years that I'll spend trying to make you the happiest woman."

"Already done, Jacob. Already done."

We wrapped our wrists and sipped the champagne together. Our eyes never parted. Once we had tasted the golden liquid, I set my glass back down on the tray  
and took Ren's and did the same with it. At first there was a puzzled look on her face, until I reached down and lifted her once again into my arms, cuddled her  
close and carried her into the bedroom.

When I reached the side of the bed, I set her down once again. I cupped her sweet face in my hands and pressed my lips to her mouth. Her lips were warm and  
soft and silky and she rose up on her tiptoes and moved her mouth against mine. She had wrapped her arms around my neck but I pulled away and reached back  
to pull her arms back down to her sides. I pulled on the ribbon that would release the gossamer robe that covered the gown she wore.

"I want to see my new wife."

With the ribbon untied, I pushed the robe off of her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. The tiny straps of the gown were also ribbons, tied in bows at the tops of  
her shoulders. I slowly pulled each bow undone, one at a time, with just my thumb and index finger. When her gown floated down to land on top of the robe, she  
stood before me in all her naked beauty, blushing furiously and looking up at me through her lashes. How adorable could one woman be? My skin began to overheat  
and my whole body reacted to her loveliness and her alluring scent. She was drawing me in and setting me alight.

I reached down again and lifted her into my embrace and gently laid her onto the bed. I took only one step back and began to pull off my tie as I shoved off my shoes.  
I held her gaze with my own as I unhooked my cuff links and unbuttoned my shirt. I quickly dropped them to the carpet and went for my belt and the button and  
zipper of my pants, lowering them together with my boxer briefs and pushing off my socks as I knelt down next to the bed to look at my angel. She reached for me  
and all thoughts of a slow, romantic seduction went out the window.

I crawled up onto the bed and stalked up her body like the predator I am. She scrunched herself up against the pillows with a soft giggle when I started at her belly  
button with my tongue and licked my way up to her luscious mouth. I devoured her as a starving man would consume his first meal. Sliding my hands up underneath  
her I smoothed my way up past her soft ass cheeks, over the swell of her hips and up her back until I gently clasped the back of her head, my fingers threading through  
her luxurious hair. I kissed her eyelids, her nose, her chin and then nipped my way up her jawline until I nuzzled my face into her neck just below her earlobe. I let out  
a slow, hot breath against her ear and raked my lips around the shell of it.

"You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I want you Ren."

"I want you Jacob. I need you. Now."

Propping myself on one elbow, I reached for the nightstand where I had placed the condoms I'd packed for our trip. Ren reached out her hand and stopped me,  
placing her fingertips on my chin, pulling my face back to see her glowing cheeks. She spoke in the tiniest of whispers.

"I got my first depo shot right after you proposed Jacob. The third one was last week. You don't need those, Baby."

My mouth dropped open at her revelation.

"Have I mentioned how much I love you, honey?"

I gazed down at my angel with what must have been a goofy teenage grin but she looked back with a sultry fire burning in her eyes. Our lips met again as she  
reached her arms around my shoulders and wrapped her legs around my hips. Moving my mouth down her neck, I pulled my tongue down the valley between  
her creamy breasts. I gently grasped each soft mound in one hand and stroked her rosy buds, suckling as they pebbled between my lips. She let out a soft  
whimper when I left them behind to move lower. Easing down until my chin rested in the patch of soft curls above her tender folds, I glanced back to her face  
that was flushed and languid. Slowly, I pushed her thighs apart and buried my lips in the middle of the heavenly-scented moisture that was calling to my body,  
pulling my tongue up through the heat of her arousal. She tasted like morning dew and honey and I would never be able to get enough of it if I lived to be a  
thousand. Flattening my tongue, I began licking her from bottom to top guiding my lips to her swollen bundle of nerves over and over. She gasped a quick  
breath at the touch of one finger and I added a second and soon a third to gradually stretch her passage. Before long, moving my fingers in and out, her walls  
clenched around them and she cried out my name, arching her back as I lapped up her sweet nectar.

Turning my hand palm up, I curled my digits and sucked her clit harder and begged her.

"Please, baby, come for me again. I want to feel you."

Making contact with the spot I sought caused a low moan to come from my bride's throat as her body gave in to me again and again. After some moments for  
her to calm while I held her placing many kisses on her belly and her breasts, she pulled my face to hers and kissed me deeply.

"I want to taste myself on you, Jake, and then I need to taste you."

My blood began pumping in overdrive at her sexy declaration and then skittered into the stratosphere when she reached between us and stroked her hands  
around either side of my rock hard erection. She lifted against me and pushed me over onto my back as she knelt between my thighs and glided her thumb  
across the glistening clear drop on my slit while her other hand delicately cupped my balls and softly squeezed. My muscles began to twitch and tremble and  
I had to lie back on the pillows, keeping my eyes closed while she worked her magic. My eyes rolled back to the front and the lids flew open when she gently  
closed her lips around the head. Her tongue slowly moved around my tip, making my stomach muscles seize up and my hand plunge into her hair. More  
slowly than continental drift, she moved her lips down my shaft until her nose nestled into the hair at the base and the head of my cock pressed into the back  
of her throat. She was killing me. And I loved it.

She continued to slide her lips up and down, swirling her tongue around and around with each trip. Her hands were still caressing and fondling my balls and  
I knew she could feel them tightening as she relaxed her neck muscles and took the head of my cock down into her throat. Fireworks burst behind my eyelids  
and I cried out what I think was a couple of curse words along with her name; I couldn't tell you which one. She drank every drop down and when she pulled  
it from her mouth, she placed a tender kiss on the head.

I reached down and took her gently by the arms and pulled her up to me to place a fiery kiss on those magical lips. She moaned softly and my cock twitched  
back to life as I rolled us over and she lifted her legs and placed her heels on the backs of my thighs. She held tightly onto my shoulders, digging her fingers  
into my skin as I lined up my re-awakened erection with her smoldering, wet center.

"Try to relax honey. I'll be as gentle as I can. I love you, Bells."

She looked a little surprised that I would call her by that name at a moment like this.

"I know who you are; and I love all of you. But I know who I've dreamed of being with like this my whole life. I can't pass up this chance, Bells."

She smiled at me once more and pulled my face to hers to kiss me softly. Then she whispered into my ear, "do it quick, okay?" I looked into her eyes and saw  
that she was certain. I nodded slightly.

I firmly pushed the head in just an inch. Bells sucked in a little breath and I stilled and waited. After a few moments, she gave her head the tiniest of nods.  
I placed my lips to hers, pushed my tongue deeply in to tangle with hers and snapped my hips forward fast. She screamed into my mouth and dug her nails  
into my shoulders as she lowered her chin to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut. I went stone still and watched a single tear trickle from the corner of one  
of those beautiful eyes. I kissed it away and went back to her lips with my mine. As slowly as I could manage with my own trembling muscles, I pulled back  
until just the tip remained inside her.

She opened her eyes, watery and overflowing with love and passion. I held her gaze as I began to move back into her, rocking my hips with a steady and deep  
rhythm. She lifted her legs further and locked her ankles at the small of my back pulling me deeper into her body. At first I kept it slow and as she began to  
flex her legs to meet my thrusts, I added a little more to my pace and a little twist to my hips. She sucked in another hissing breath but never broke eye contact.  
We had already talked before how we wanted our first time to be with eyes open the whole time, so we wouldn't miss a moment.

It didn't last as long as I would have liked, but she probably couldn't have taken much more for this time. I sped up and, propping my weight on one arm,  
reached under her hips with my other arm and lifted her body off the bed, holding her tightly against my chest and abdomen, my arm spread up the center  
of her back and my face buried in the crook of her neck. I whispered in her ear.

"God, Bells, you feel so good, like a glove made just for me. I love you so much baby."

I moved to look again into her eyes that were glowing in ecstasy and leaned in for one more kiss when I felt her velvet walls begin to clench around me. My sack  
tightened and tingled and as she clamped down on my cock with the force of a vise, I exploded into the deepest recesses of her body, hot and long. We each  
shouted out the other's name as we watched each other come undone and fall over the edge.

We were drenched and slick and wasted and I couldn't have been any happier. When we caught our breath, I eased out of her and scooted off the bed, reaching  
down to pull her into my arms once again and heading for the bathroom. In the deep warmth of the tub with a steamy waterfall cascading over us, I bathed my  
girl and soothed her body, washing her hair and luscious skin with scented soaps and conditioners. She turned and snuggled against my chest and between my  
legs as she rubbed me down with a lathered sponge. It wasn't long before I reached around her, grasped her by the waist and lifted her up until she was poised  
over the tip of my straining shaft. I had to have her again and I had to have her right now. I knew I would have her for the rest of our lives but at that moment,  
all I knew was that this beautiful angel was warm and ready in my arms, waiting for me to love her and she was mine.

BPOV

I closed my eyes and ran my hands over Jacob's shoulders as he held my hips. He pressed forward and stroked his lips across both of my breasts, his tongue  
darting in and out for little tastes. He moved his mouth up until his nose was nuzzled into my neck and he raked his teeth around my earlobe. As I drew in a  
sharp breath, I lowered myself fully onto his steel hard shaft grasping handfuls of the hair at the nape of his neck. Our groans of pleasure mingled and I rested  
my forehead on his as his dark eyes opened to meet my hungry gaze.

"Oh God, Jacob. You feel so good. I want...I need..."

He lifted one large, warm hand to my cheek, pushing my wet hair back from my face, placing soft kisses to my lips and then turning slightly to breathe into my  
ear.

"Tell me Bells. Tell me what you need, what you want. Tell me how to love you, Baby."

At first I couldn't find the words. This was the very definition of all my dreams coming true. I was Jacob's wife, he was my husband. Husband. What a solid and  
comforting word. And he loved me from the depths of his soul. He knew who I was and he had waited for me and he loved me. He moved his hands to my back  
and pulled my body flush against his chest, wrapping one arm around my waist and threading the fingers of his other hand underneath my hair, cradling the back  
of my head and pulling my cheek to his shoulder. When he spoke, his voice rumbled up through his chest and pierced straight through my bones and into my heart.

"I'll hold you right here, Honey. I'll keep you safe and warm and I'll wait for you. I'm yours and you're mine."

He slowly flexed the muscles in his back, hips and legs and lifted himself into my body more deeply than I thought possible. Oh so slowly, he lowered back down  
into the steamy water while gently pulling up on my hips with the arm wrapped around me. Releasing the pressure on my body, he pushed up again with his hips  
and met my descent onto his cock halfway, pulling another moan from his own lips as well as mine.

"Talk to me, Honey. Tell me what you want me to do."

I turned my head on his shoulder until my lips were pressed to his ear where I managed to mumble through my foggy, hazy thoughts.

"I need you, Jake. Make me feel you all the way through. I need you inside me to love me so hard I never forget how it feels in this moment."

He held his breath for just one more second and then leaned his head back to look at me, his eyes grown dark and fiery with lust. Almost before I could blink,  
he tightened his arm back around my waist and his other hand suddenly left the back of my head even as his strong thighs moved up under my bottom. Bracing  
on the side of the tub with his free hand and never budging our tight connection, Jacob stood as he held me close turning and pushing my back into the tiles of  
the wall. He pinned me there with just his hips and his hot thickness impaling me, reaching under me to push my legs further around him urging me to lock my  
ankles behind him.

The warm waterfall was behind him now and flowed heavily over his broad shoulders warming both of us in its cascade. With my arms wrapped around his neck  
and his arms securing my hips, Jacob began to thrust into me with such force I thought my mind might just let go of its tenuous grip on consciousness. He pounded  
deeper than ever watching me with those dark eyes as if he half expected me to beg him to stop. I never wanted him to stop.

When he felt my walls begin to flutter and grip down on him, he lifted one foot to the ledge of the shower and angled his shaft into my sweetest spot. My stomach  
clenched as my core convulsed around him and I screamed his name into the mist-filled air. With one more wild push my untamed beast joined me in our journey  
to blissful oblivion.

"Bells! That's it. Take me Baby, take all of me. Give me all of you."

With the muscles in my arms and legs screaming, I held myself wrapped around Jake tightly as his body jerked and twitched with his final bursts within me. He had  
braced his hands on the wall behind me once he was sure I wouldn't falter in my grip on him. The only sounds with the softly flowing waterfall was our gradually  
slowing harsh breathing and my quiet whimpers that answered Jacob's rough murmurs of love.

"Jacob. My Jacob."

"My sweet Bella. Ren, my angel."


	19. Chapter 19

Shadows Of Love

Epilogue

Two Years Later

JPOV

"Honey, did you get that last box?"

"Yeah, babe, it's in the car. Did you text Leah that we're done here?"

"Uh huh. She's bringing them over in about an hour."

"Okie doke. I'll lock up and be right out."

It was moving day. Ren and I had finished building our dream home on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific and Second Beach in La Push.  
They were not the same cliffs that Bella took her ill-fated jump from all those years ago, but they were close by. We had gradually  
purchased the surrounding property piece at a time and that particular spot now was a park with gazebos and picnic tables open  
year-round for the Pack and their families. Ren and I often took the kids up there on late afternoon walks and weekend outings with  
munchies and drinks.

Our children were still small though we had gotten a fairly fast start on our family. Our first child, our son Ephraim Charles, Effy, would  
be one in two weeks. Our daughter, the apple of my eye and just 1 month old, was Sarah Marie. Sarah's little finger was where my heart  
had anchored itself, and there it would stay I was quite certain. Both our babies had dark auburn hair and hazel green eyes. Ren said that  
was her Gran's eye color and we both thought that was entirely appropriate.

I still called my lovely bride Ren most of the time. Sometimes, when we were alone and feeling frisky, I would call her Bells for old time's  
sake. Two months after we married, Ren went before a judge and had her name legally changed to Belle Rennie Black. If I ever called her  
Bells in front of anyone, no flags went up and our secret was safe. She never has told Charlie or anyone else who she really is. Bella's father  
had finally come to grips with what had happened to his daughter and he was coping as was her mother, Renee. We decided together that  
a satisfactory explanation of what had really happened would have just been too much. Charlie had fallen in love with Sue Clearwater and  
finally made an honest woman of her and he had a relationship with his granddaughter that was filled with joy.

Ren continued her matchmaking campaign throughout the years. My father and Tiffany Call were an item in La Push at all public as well as  
private functions. Leah and Embry had married just 6 months after Ren and me and their daughter, Lily Anne was just 2 months younger than  
Effy. Paul and my sister Rachel married just 8 months ago, but she was already pregnant and expecting their first in about 4 months. Ren's  
financial status had strongly affected life all over La Push. Things were definitely looking up on the Rez. Our school had doubled in size and  
the drop-out rate had dropped to near nothing. I couldn't have been prouder of my beautiful girl.

The Cullen coven did indeed move to Europe where they kept a vigilant eye trained on Volterra, Italy. Apparently, nothing could have been  
further from their attention than La Push and its residents. This was comforting news all round. Alice or Esme or Carlisle often emailed Ren  
to ask after her health and development and the general status of the Pack and Forks. Ren's aging slowed down to way less than a normal  
human and seemed to have aligned itself with mine. She looked about 22 and I looked about 25. It was working out.

Ren was teaching English Literature at the Tribal School and had weekend ballet classes full of teeny tiny ballerinas, all in pink of course. She  
still studied ballet herself with an accomplished dancer who taught in Port Angeles. She also had the occasional performance that drew a variety  
in the audience that consisted of arts patrons, auto mechanics and everyone and anyone in between. Her appeal was quite universal and her  
beauty on the stage was unrivaled. At least it was in my eyes.

Her relationship with the Pack was as tight as it could be. Quil still called her Mee Mee most of the time, unless he was calling her to sub for his  
beach football team. She took on the role of den mother to our Pack and kept us all up to our necks in brownies, cookies and pies. We all had a  
sweet tooth for Ren. It was a weakness we all cherished.

My days were busy and happy. I ran the garage with Embry, Quil and Paul. I taught shop at the Tribal School two days a week and I had been  
Alpha of the Pack for a little over two years. Sam still phased, but he and Emily were semi-retired and running a catering business out of their  
home as well as self-publishing cookbooks and selling them online.

Our status as Vampire Central for the Northwestern United States fell by the wayside after the departure of the Cullens. A very infrequent visit  
from a random nomad was never much of a problem and yet we all continued to phase. Sometimes I think it was for the brotherhood (and sisterhood)  
we had established, other times I was sure it was just for the hell of it and to keep our metabolisms and physiques. When you can be in great shape  
physically without any effort at all while you're packing in enough food daily to feed three normal humans, it's hard to let that go. The slowed down  
aging was a perk that was tough to part with too.

Ren and I drove up to our new home with the last bits of our belongings from the apartment we had occupied for the last two years. Leah and Ren  
had decorated the house and left chunks of the interior empty of furniture so it could be filled gradually with pieces that we loved and acquired together.  
I was currently in the middle of carving a four poster bedstead for my wife's comfort and my 'ecstatic exercise', as she called it. As I came out to the  
car to get the last box, Leah and Embry drove up in their van with three car seats lined up across the second row behind them. As Leah released Lily  
and gathered her to her hip, Embry reached in and unbuckled Effy, setting his feet on the ground already digging in running gear to get to me. I  
scooped my son up and settled him on my shoulders as he wrapped his little arms around my head. Leah called out to the house for Ren.

"Belle Rennie Black, get out here and get your youngun'! She's about to pop her top to see Mommie."

Ren came out the front door and down the steps at hyper-speed, skidding to a stop in front of Embry as he lifted our tiny girl from her seat. Ren cradled  
Sarah and stuffed her nose into the blanket to take a big reacquainting sniff of our daughter. Over the years, Ren had adopted quite a few mannerisms  
that were part and parcel of Pack relationships. 'Welcome Home' and 'I've Missed You' snuffles were what we called the scenting demonstrations. We  
all did it subtly and subconsciously with each other, but with our children it was completely in the open and obviously filled with affection and love. I  
walked over to my wife and buried my face in our little girl's tummy, drawing in a deep breath of her sweet babyness.

"There's my wee lass. Did you have a nice time with Auntie Leah and Uncle Emby? Were they good for you, Lea?"

"You know they were. All our littluns are perfect angels all the time. Just ask us."

"I like the way you think Lea. You're so profound."

"Why thank you B.R. I try."

"You guys are staying for supper. I won't take no."

"I guess that's cool. Emb?"

"Are you kidding? Supper at Jake's Bar and Grill with custom desserts by Belle Rennie? Umm, let me check my calendar. Nope, nothing more important  
anywhere on the list."

"Good deal. Lea, pass Lily Anne to her daddy and come upstairs with me to put Sarah down, then we'll adjourn to the back veranda to watch the rest of  
the sunset while Jacob plays grillmeister. I've kept it simple, hot dogs and burgers and chips. I've already got the fixins ready in the fridge. Oh, and Emb,  
if you don't mind, as y'all pass through the kitchen, take the pan of brownies out of the oven and turn it off, please? Just set them on top to cool. And no  
testing while they're still molten. Jake that goes for you, too. I'll be watching."

"Aww, I love you baby, even if you are a spoilsport."

"I love you, too, babe, but no messing up the brownies until they've had a chance to stop crackling. You got me?"

"Okay, okay. Come on Emb, you heard the lady."

"Yeah, I heard the lady talkin' to her whipped hubby. Hey! Watch it now, I'm holdin' a kid."

"Yeah, I see her. You see this thing on my head dontcha? This isn't a coonskin cap ya know. Come on little man, let's go check on Momma's brownies."

"You know there's gonna be a whole corner gone out of that pan of brownies by the time you get back to it, right?"

"Of course I know that, Lea. That's why there's another pan in the fridge ready to toss into the oven. I'm highly experienced by now in the 'ways of the  
wolf'. I expect you to dig into it when we head out back too, ya know. It'll still be pretty warm. And there's an extra 2 gallons of cold milk in the fridge."

"I swear B.R. you're one of the most brilliant ex-hybrids I've ever met."

"Gee, thanks Lea. I'm the ONLY one, right? Just like Tigger?"

"You know it. And you can call me Piglet."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. and Mrs. Call and Lily Ann lounged on Mr. and Mrs. Black's back patio until the stars came out and twinkled down on the happy family gathering. They  
talked of happy times, sad times, the future. They talked of the blinding joy of children and how cuteness warred with intelligence for top billing. They  
talked of how focused and prejudiced parents could be. Then they grew quiet, cuddled their mates and their little ones and relaxed into the comfort of  
the evening.

Leah, Embry and Lily Anne headed home after helping to clear the cook-out mess and tidy the kitchen. Everyone was stuffed with love and brownies by  
then and so were fat and happy. Ren and Jacob moved up the stairs together, Daddy cuddling a sleeping bundle of Effy to his strong chest. Their baby  
boy snuggled against the heartbeat that set the rhythm for his whole world.

Once Effy was tucked in and Sarah Marie had been checked by both Mom and Dad, the Blacks settled into their first night in their new master suite, wrapping  
themselves in soft linen and each other's bodies. Ren's recovery from childbirth was rapid, but not rapid enough for her sweet but horny husband. He'd been  
chomping at the bit to ravish her to prove that she was still as beautiful as the day they'd wed. After a long, satisfying round of passionate love, they settled  
into the pillows and each other. Jacob pulled her back to his chest, wrapped her in his arms and murmured words of love into her ear. They were both soon  
sound asleep.

_And then they were walking along together, hand in hand, each holding a child. Jacob had a sleeping Effy cradled in one arm, Ren had Sarah clasped to her  
shoulder with her arm under her soft, diapered bottom. The place where they strolled was not quite featureless but not quite real either. There were blurry  
hints of forest and moss-covered ground in front of them, fuzzy muted sounds of surf and seagulls over a pebbly beach behind them. Everything seemed  
shrouded in an unearthly mist that their sight could not at first penetrate. They looked at each other, questions in their minds, unspoken and unanswered  
until two figures approached.  
_

_Sarah Black and Gran stopped directly in front of Ren and Jacob. Smiling broadly, they each lifted a hand to a sleeping babe and gently stroked the feather-soft  
hair. They glanced at each other, then back to the parents, who stood silent, stunned and expectant. There were simply too many questions flowing through  
their minds to just choose one and dive in. Sarah touched the petal-soft cheek of her namesake and looked at Ren.  
_

"_Well, Bella, you made it through your education didn't you? You faced your trials, your penance and your challenges with grace, passion and honor. We're both  
so proud of you. We thought maybe you and Jacob would be interested to know about the influence of the imprint on your combined destinies."  
_

_Ren and Jacob each gasped as the implications rang through them.  
_

"_My imprint on Renesmee was a gift from Taha Aki. She's my other half. It's as simple as that...isn't it?"  
_

"_Not exactly, my dear boy. Don't forget, this is Bella. You imprinted on the person inside, not the body outside."  
_

"_Oh Mom! Are you telling me I imprinted on her BECAUSE she's Bella?"  
_

"_That's what she's saying Jacob. My granddaughter was, is and ever will be your soulmate. Your imprint wasn't formed during her first lifetime because she  
had chosen to move down the wrong path. She made the mistake of loving the wrong...'being'...and it moved her out of your reach. Once her situation had  
run that course and the correct path was again accessible to her, she moved into your world again. She was where she was meant to be, within reach of your  
heart. The natural path was then available again for the two of you to travel together."  
_

_Jacob looked down at his beautiful imprint. He looked at his son, sleeping in the crook of his strong arm, and his daughter, safe and content on her mother's  
shoulder. He looked up to the two women standing in front of them and moved forward to wrap his mother in a hug that he had longed for since he was a  
little boy. The warmth and brightness that seeped from her into his heart brought peace to his soul. He released her and turned to Bella's Gran and embraced  
her as well. Each woman then came to Ren with open arms and held her close for a few joyous moments. As the mist began to grow thicker, obscuring their  
vision, Sarah and Gran addressed the Black family one last time.  
_

"_You have both made us proud. You have done well and started your lives together with your future wide open with possibilities. Be happy and safe and revel  
in the love you hold in your arms as well as the love you hold for each other. We will always be with you, watching. Let your hearts guide you forward."  
_

Ren and Jacob each startled awake at the same moment, tightening their grasp on one another. At first they each thought the other had awakened them by  
moving in their sleep. When their eyes met, they immediately understood, they had shared the dream and had come home together. The baby monitors on  
the bedside table both crackled to life at that moment. Within minutes, Effy's blanket had been untangled and Sarah's diaper had been changed and she was  
contentedly suckling from Momma's bounty. For some reason, they brought both children into the master bedroom with them. With no words of agreement  
necessary, the two babies were nestled between them for the remainder of the night. Jacob caressed his wife's cheek and kissed her lips softly.

"Sometimes, the shadows cover up important things in their darkness. But sometimes, the love shines through them and reveals what our hearts most desire."

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as I have. Until next time...love, mama.


	20. Chapter 20 Outtake 2 Jacob Likes To

A/N: Please forgive me for the gap in posting this second outtake. I'm suffering from Partsheimers I think. Hope you enjoy.

Shadows Of Love

Outtake #2

Jacob Likes To Hold Me

I opened my eyes. And there he was. My Jacob. I was looking directly into his beautiful brown eyes. They were soft and gentle and

full of...love? He was holding me in his arms braced on his lap. He leaned in close, so close, and kissed my nose. A shiver ran through

me. I could feel the warmth flowing from his arms and his hands into my body. It was delicious.

Jacob was the man who had been singing to me. I'd never heard him sing before except deliberately off-key trying to be silly with Quil to

make me laugh in the Taj. The radio was almost always on when I arrived at Jacob's garage during my dark days. I couldn't tolerate it

at first and would soon tune it out as best I could. More often than not, I had to just ask Jake to turn it off. Music poured into the hole in

my chest like acid and seemed to melt the edges and hollow it out just that much more.

I had finally grown able to listen to music again shortly before I jetted off to Italy. What a fool-hardy action that was. I should have stayed

in La Push and asked Jake to sing to me. That's the kind of music my heart needed, not a contrived piano dirge camouflaged as a lullaby.

Jacob's voice was deep, soulful and velvety. It soothed my frazzled nerves in a way I couldn't describe.

But the thing that calmed me the most? Jacob's arms under my tiny body. God, how I wished I could talk to him! How could I tell him how

wonderful his embrace felt? What could I do to make him understand that my whole world was centered on him now and the warmth of his

arms beneath me was like a balm to my soul? I gazed into his eyes and tried to talk to him. I could only make gurgling sounds and coo at

him and I attempted to gain enough control of my lips to give him a smile. Whatever I managed seemed to please him. He smiled my

favorite sunny smile and made silly noises just like everyone makes at babies. This was maddening, but I wouldn't trade these moments for

anything.

As I observed my surroundings and the people that made up my world now, I realized that crying got results. I used it as the efficient tool

that it was. I always made certain to cry when I knew Jacob was within earshot. That was a fairly wide distance so I found I could summon

him from far away with a simple displeased or pained whimper. When he was close, I would cry with all the gusto I could manage. The

moment he lifted me into his arms, I was silenced. It was like Pavlov's dogs. I cried, Jacob ran to me and picked me up, I stopped, Jacob

smiled and cuddled and snuggled me. This was the answer I had needed my whole life I think.

I even did something I should have regretted. I cried when Rosalie or any of the Cullens would take me from Jacob. I would pitch a fit at the

top of my lungs, especially when Rose would try to snatch me away from him without asking his permission first. I would continue to cry or fuss

as long as I was out of Jacob's grasp. The moment I was returned to him, I quieted. This seemed to build up Jacob's confidence as far as holding

a baby was concerned, build up his ego that didn't need it and discouraged any vampires from holding me for very long. Their embrace was so

brutally cold in contrast to Jacob's heat, there was simply no comparison. It really wasn't much of a stretch for me to be pleased in Jacob's embrace

and displeased out of it. I had made up my mind before Gran ever sent me back that I would belong with Jacob. The imprint was icing on the cake

and I used it to my advantage shamelessly.

As I grew, Jacob's attentions did also. The imprint was always drawing him to me. It really wasn't fair but I couldn't change the circumstances,

and I didn't intend to think about it twice. Whenever Jacob was anywhere near, I wanted to look at him. If I was in a crib, a high chair or a swing,

I trained my eyes on him. We essentially only had eyes for each other. He always wanted to be close so he could see me. I wanted to see him.

It worked. If I woke up from a nap, I learned to keep my eyes closed at first until I had a chance to listen to my surroundings. If I sensed Jacob's

presence, I would wriggle around in the cradle or crib or playpen to attract his attention. As soon as I felt the warmth radiating from his body close

to me, I would open my eyes to him and give him all the positive feedback I could muster. I would lock eyes with him, coo and laugh out. I would

reach for him with chubby and uncoordinated little hands. It worked like a charm.

Jacob would reach down with his big hands and gather me up, cradling me in his heat and love. He would hug and sniff me, always swooning over

what he called my 'babyness'. He often told me how sweet I was because I smelled like honeysuckle. I was thankful to Esme for the baby powder

she used. All that sweetness wasn't me. But if Jacob liked sniffing me, I was ready to be sniffed.

When I began to get close to toddling, taking my first steps, Jacob was right there to encourage me. He would place me on the floor and scoot away

from me several feet with his arms outstretched beckoning to me. I had learned to roll from a seated position to my hands and knees pretty rapidly,

crawling into Jacob's arms after only a month or so. Later, I would wiggle myself onto my knees and stand while holding onto his fingers. That soon

became a more coordinated effort and I would work myself to my knees, then my feet while holding onto a chair or the sofa. Finally, I took a deep

breath, let go of the edge of the cushion, and stumbled my way into my Jacob's waiting embrace. I don't know which one of us was more pleased.

I'd have done most anything for that reward.

Jacob gathered me into his arms and swung me up into the air over his head. I squealed and laughed and wallowed in the sunny grin he was giving

back to me. He soon found that if he would scoop me up that way each time, I would toddle across any distance to get to him. It was good for his

heart, I could tell that and it was great exercise for the development of my rapidly growing body. As I grew taller and my coordination became more

fine-tuned, I could walk or run alongside Jacob and he was always a willing participant with me. I have to admit; sometimes I would feign fatigue

just to get him to pick me up, worrying that I was too tired. It was truly unfair on my part, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I found that I reacted

just like Jacob did. Anything that would put me in his embrace was my favorite thing to do.

One of the sweetest things Jacob did for me was brand new to me. My original childhood had been unorthodox to say the least. I didn't have a parent

at my side for each milestone in my younger years. Jacob taught me how to ride a bicycle. He put me on my first one after I'd graduated from a tricycle,

having assembled it himself, training wheels and all. It didn't take long for me to become adept enough to lose those and Jake removed them himself

and made a big coming-of-age deal of it for me. Running alongside me as I worked to get my new and constantly changing body to cooperate, Jacob

held onto the back edge of the seat until I had myself stabilized. He continued to trot right next to me until I began to freak and lose control at which

point he swooped in and snatched me into his arms just before I put the bike into a tree trunk. My God, he was still saving me at every turn! Usually

from myself, still.

When I reached the size of a Jr. High student, Jacob began pulling away from me physically. I understood his reluctance and uncomfortable feelings, but

I didn't have to like it, and I didn't. I probably gave him many instances of chagrin and embarrassment by hugging him around the waist or taking his

hand as we walked side by side or even sneaking up on him to kiss his cheek. I was literally behaving like I had a teenage crush on him, mainly because

I did. Poor Jacob. He wasn't sure how to take me or what to do with me. He was making valiant attempts to act in what he hoped was a proper fashion

toward a young girl of an age that corresponded to my physical size, but I was making it anything but easy on him. I have to give him credit, he held me

at arm's length while bending over backward to keep from hurting my feelings. I was proud of his efforts, but I couldn't keep my hands off him!

Time was he couldn't stay away from me and wanted to touch me all the time, whether it was a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose, holding my hand, tickling

my feet while he counted my 'ten little piggies' or playing patty cake with my totally uncoordinated hands. I'm fairly certain he still wanted to touch me

but cultural mores being what they were in this day and age, he shied away from virtually all contact. I tried not to throw petulant tantrums when he backed

off to the other side of the room or the other end of the sofa, but I was beyond anxious for my physical growth to reach a point that would make Jacob at

ease with wrapping me up in one of his patented bear hugs. I literally ached to feel his arms around me again. The closest I got for a while there was an

extremely brief piggy-back ride on the beach with everyone watching, and only then because I had ambushed him and jumped on him when he was not

expecting the attack. I'm pretty sure if I had jumped on him like that when we were alone, he'd have had an apoplectic fit, at the very least, a coronary.

He was such a gentleman, dammit!

Finally, toward the second half of my fourth year in this brand new, fit as a fiddle and God bless me, coordinated body, I began to resemble a human girl

in her late teenage years. When I had achieved that senior-in-high-school appearance, Jacob came back to me. I could have cried tears of joyous relief!

In fact I did cry, scaring the bejeezus out of Jake. He was certain either he'd done something that upset me or I was PMS-ing. He was afraid to try to

guess which.

He had picked me up at the Clearwater's house to accompany him to a ceremony at the Tribal Council meeting hall where he would be formally acknowledged

as the Alpha of the Quileute Pack and Chief-in-training of the Tribe. It was such a special and auspicious occasion and I was thrilled he had asked me to share

it with him. Charlie was in attendance as well and Billy and Old Quil officiated over the solemn pronouncements and the rest of the Council and the Pack

demonstrated the long overdue, officially sanctioned respect Jacob deserved.

Afterward, I waited outside the Council Hall for Jacob and Billy to emerge following the document signing that would seal the deal for his Alpha status, and

when Jacob came through the doors and saw me standing there bursting with obvious pride, he strode to me with renewed purpose and wrapped me up in

his warm, strong arms, swinging me in a circle as he had once done regularly, in front of the Taj, in another lifetime. I was so moved and emotionally

over-the-moon at the physical contact that had been so conspicuous in its absence for so long, I simply burst into uncontrollable sobbing, showering tears

over Jacob's shoulder, soaking his shirt immediately.

He tried to put me down at once, thinking he had somehow hurt me or upset me. I refused to release my grip on him, clinging tightly to his neck, unable to

form a coherent sentence to tell him that he'd done nothing wrong. I could feel and hear him asking Charlie and Billy both for clues or advice as to what he'd

done, what he'd not done, what he could do. They were, naturally, amused and no help to him at all. As I said, poor Jacob.

I almost didn't let him off the hook either. I was enjoying being held in his arms so much, my feet dangling a few inches off the ground, I never wanted to be

re-deposited to the earth. I determined to hang on Jacob's shoulders as long as I could possibly get away with it. If that meant squeezing out a few

dozen/hundred extra yet unnecessary tears, then I was certainly not above that. Jacob's long arms were wrapped completely around my body, his fingers

clasping opposite sides of my ribcage as he whispered sweet comfort into my hair, and I couldn't think of any other circumstance I would like better, so I

resolved to camp out in that position. Jacob could go on about his business with me hanging on him, he'd just have to get used to it. I had faith he would

learn to cope.

When I was finally able to persuade myself to turn him loose, Jacob naturally wanted to know what in the Wide World of Sports had gotten into me. I debated

on how to answer his query. Flattery? Wheedling? Begging? Nope...Honesty.

"Jacob, I'm sorry, I could help myself, it's been so long since you hugged me, I mean REALLY hugged me, I was beginning to think you didn't like me anymore

and it felt so good, I couldn't let go right away."

THAT was exactly the right answer.

Jacob decided right then and there that hugging me and holding me, maintaining physical contact with me in some way, ANY way, for as long as possible, was

the number one thing on his bucket list. Whenever we were together, we were TOGETHER.

He held my hand. He put his arm around my shoulder. He put his arm around my waist. When we sat together on the couch watching TV, at the very least he

had one hand wrapped around my ankle or foot. (He was a tickling demon!) (I didn't mind!) If I was within arm's reach of Jacob, I was in Jacob's arms.

What more could a girl in love ask?

Yep, Jacob liked to hold me. He liked it when I was Bella. He liked it when I was Baby Ren. He liked it when I was Young Lady Ren. I liked it too. Always.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: This is long enough to be a One Shot. Please read it anyway. I got carried away imagining the behind the scenes action. Hope you enjoy.

Shadows Of Love

Outtake #1

The Camping Trip

JPOV

"Do you think you have everything you'll need?"

"Yeah, Embry, I think so. Leah and Seth, Alice and Esme all helped me gather stuff and we all had our own checklists.  
If it's not in this pack, I don't think we'll need it. If we do, tough. Thanks for all your help bud. I couldn't have made  
it this far without your support and input, you know that right?"

"Yeah, Jake I know. I just hope you know what you're doing. I hope the 'Addams' family knows what they're doing.  
But hey, if it all goes to hell in a handbasket, you know you can come home to us and you can bring Ren. You understand,  
we love her as much as you do now."

"I get it, Emb. Although I'm not sure anyone loves that little girl as much as I do. It's impossible to explain, and I'm  
not saying that cause you're not imprinted, right?"

"I know that, bro. Don't worry. I know what you're saying. Listen, go ahead and talk to Ren and come back out and  
phase. I'll help you get hitched up. Yah, mule!"

"Very funny, my man. I'll be right back."

I moved toward the cottage where Ren was waiting for me with Alice and Esme. This was to have been Edward and  
Bella's home when they returned from their honeymoon. Nobody had ever lived here. It was a shame, too, because  
Esme and everyone had done a great job fixing it up and decorating it. But now, there were sheets over almost all of  
the furniture and a fine covering of dust on every surface. There was a somber darkness about the place that gave me  
the creeps and I wasn't happy about being here.

In an attempt to contain our scents, the preparations for my escape to the mountains with Renesmee had all been made  
here instead of the Cullen home. The anticipated visit from the Volturi had everyone on edge and the sooner I got out  
of Dodge with my girl, the better I'd feel.

My Pack brothers and sister, Alice and Esme had worked together to gather together all the supplies we could possibly  
need for 2 months in the mountains. I was going to hide in the Canadian Rockies with my imprint, protecting her with  
the distance and my life if that's what it took.

A harness for carrying our supplies and providing a place for Ren to ride on my back was assembled of nylon straps and  
canvas. The straps, tarps, tents and virtually all of our equipment had been obtained from Newton's Outfitters. I wondered  
if anyone else saw the irony in that that I did. Bella would have been there to sell us everything we required, with an  
employee discount even. But if she had not made the choices she had she'd still be working at Newton's more than likely  
and we wouldn't need any of this junk. I wrestled with my own bitterness about the twists and turns life could throw at you.

I walked into the front room of the cottage and joined Alice, Leah and Esme as they busied themselves fussing over Ren's  
clothing. Keeping her safe was one thing, keeping her warm on wolf back at 60 miles an hour was an entirely different  
challenge. The little thing was bundled up to within an inch of her life. She could barely move and would need my help  
extricating herself from this papoose once we reached our destination. Esme knelt in front of her and fastened a final  
snap at her chin. Alice gave her an approving once over and turned to me.

"She's got on enough layers to roast a turkey under there. With your heat underneath her and rising up around her, I  
think she'll be toasty all the way there. All you have to do is get her there in one piece, keep her warm and heed her  
requests for nature breaks. You mustn't delay stopping when she says it's time and she needs to go. If you run fast  
enough, she may be good to go the whole trip. Just keep your ear trained toward her right?"

I looked at the little pixie as she gazed up at me with the stern admonition showing in her features. I managed to resist  
an obscene reply to her since my imprint was standing right there. I had trouble putting a lid on the sarcasm that vampires  
just naturally brought out in me.

"Alice, thank you hon, but you do know I'll be totally focused on Ren throughout the rest of my life, right? I think a request  
for a potty break won't go unnoticed. You can count on me. Relax, Pixie, I got this. If you don't calm down now, you'll be  
struggling later when you really need to have your wits about you. Just sayin'."

I gave her a knowing hard look. Her performance would be crucial to everyone's survival. She had to go for the Oscar.  
The Italians HAD to believe her. There were no other options.

She stared back up at me, her amber eyes wide with acceptance that this was it. The final countdown was about to begin.

I squatted down in front of Ren and gently grasped her petite shoulders. She was still pretty small but the layers of down  
and thermal material had nearly doubled her size. She looked so cute, a little bit like an Oompah Loompah. There was  
another irony, I thought. Ren's favorite color was purple, just like Bella's had been. Of course, Esme and Alice had provided  
her with sleeping bag, tent, mittens, cap, scarf, ski suit, even thermal underwear, virtually all of it purple. I never dreamed  
there were that many different shades of purple. But I didn't worry too much about it. She was adorable and she was warm.  
That was the number one thing on my checklist.

"Hey, Honey. Are you ready to get started on our long hike? We should probably be on our way so we can get where we're  
going before dark."

Her little nose and rosy lips just barely showed through the gap in her scarf and hood. Her eyes were shining with excitement  
as she brought her mittened hands up to my cheeks.

"Oh yes, Jacob. I'm ready. This is going to be so much fun! Let's go!"

"Okay Littlun. I'll go out and phase and then you guys can come out and get me loaded up. I'll be turning into a pack mule  
instead of a wolf."

She giggled and clapped, the sound muffled by the mittens on her tiny hands, and I stood to head out the door. I glanced  
at Esme and she nodded.

"Just give me about a minute. I'll strip and phase first and you guys can come on out and help Embry and Leah get me hitched  
up and get Little Bit in the saddle."

I turned and strode out the door, pulling off my t-shirt as I went. When I got to Embry, I kicked out of my shorts and sneakers  
and allowed the wolf to take the front row pilot's seat. Emb gathered my clothing and shoes, stuffing them into a pocket of the  
backpack, shaking his head. He zipped up the pocket and stepped back regarding me. I cocked my head and looked at him  
with the question in my eyes.

"I don't guess I'll ever get used to how quickly and easily you do that. If anyone of us was ever a natural at being a supernatural,  
it's you Jake."

I gave him an amused chuff and motioned with my head toward the pack harness. Seth and Leah were there to help and the three  
of them and Esme each took a corner and lifted the whole affair a few feet off the ground. I simply walked under it like pulling a car  
into a carport and they lowered it to my back. Straps were buckled around and under my belly and double checked for a snug fit.  
Then the makeshift saddle for Renesmee was attached toward the front, just ahead of my shoulder blades. It was a heavily padded  
affair with extra straps for safety. The plan was that she would be secured to the pack but not part of the pack. I could run as fast  
as the load would allow, cover as much ground as quickly as possible, and if she needed to get down, she could actually extricate  
herself from the seat without my help. If she only needed to stop for a short break, I could stay wolf and stay loaded. With any  
luck at all, she wouldn't need to get down until we reached our final destination and were ready to make camp.

Once the saddle was secured, everyone gathered around Ren and began the series of goodbyes and instructions for the trip. There  
were plenty of 'be careful' and 'have fun' and kisses and hugs. Finally Leah stepped up and knelt down in front of my girl.

"You ready, Sugar?"

Ren nodded her head vigorously, too excited and choked up to speak, and held up her arms to the tall she wolf. Leah picked her up  
and lifted her into her seat and fastened all the straps, making sure she was secure but steady and comfortable. My girl reached down  
and did her best to grab a handful of fur in her mitten-covered hand, giving it a little tug to tell me she was all tucked in. I slowly  
stood to my full height causing a little shriek of excitement to bubble up from her throat. She looked down at her family members  
making up the going-away party, wolf and vampire alike with concern on their faces.

"I'm okay. That's just a long way up!"

I looked at each one of the group that stood around us. My wolf family almost looked relieved that our departure was imminent. The  
vampires, on the other hand, looked at us with longing and trepidation. They were acutely aware that if their explanation and Alice's  
little ruse were not accepted, this could be the last time any of them would see Renesmee. I turned and looked toward the tree line  
beyond the cottage and saw the remaining Cullens standing just in view, catching what could be a last glimpse of their niece and  
granddaughter. Most of the farewells had been spoken before we came to the little rock house in the woods. Alice and Esme looked  
up at Renesmee with tearless eyes, trying to smile through their anxiety and not convey their fear to my tiny passenger.

"We'll see you soon Rennie. You be a good girl and stay close to Jake and do what he says. Have fun sweetie," Esme murmured.

Alice couldn't speak and only managed to reach up on her tiptoes and give Ren's leg a squeeze before she backed away with her  
hand over her lips. I was beginning to feel sorry for the lot of them and knew if I didn't get moving that Ren would start to get upset  
as well. I gave her a warning yip to let her know I was about to head out and I trotted away from the group. I turned before entering  
the thickest part of the trees in our intended direction and Ren waved madly at our families. I didn't linger and quickly moved beyond  
the underbrush and out of sight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew exactly where I was headed with my imprint. And to get us there in my wolf form would require a circuitous route to stay away  
from civilization. But it would be worth it in the long run. The area in British Columbia where we were going would require many miles  
of running to reach. It would take us at least three days to reach my intended stopping point. We stayed as deep in the forests as possible  
at first heading south to circle widely around Seattle and then into the Mount Baker/Snoqualmie National Forest. This was where we spent  
our first night. Once we were that many miles from Forks and La Push, I began to breathe a little easier and was able to relax. Fortunately,  
Ren seemed to be enjoying the ride, the scenery and I dared to hope, my company, even as a wolf.

When we reached a good spot to camp, next to a sparkling stream, I dropped to my belly and Ren slipped from her harness and slid to the  
ground. Two buckles and only two, as Embry had planned it, released our pack from my back. Ren popped the quick-release buckles and  
jumped back as all of our belongings plunged to the ground. As we'd planned ahead of time, Ren stayed put close to the pack while I trotted  
deeper into the trees to phase and dress. When I came back into sight, my heart swelled when Ren ran to me and jumped into my arms.

"Oh Jacob, that was so much fun! I love riding on your wolf!"

"It doesn't scare you, or make you uncomfortable?"

"Oh no, it doesn't scare me at all! And the seat and harness is comfy and feels so...solid! I feel so safe with you Jacob."

"I'm glad Ren. You know you'll always be safe when I'm around. I promise you that."

"I know Jacob. I trust you. And I love you."

"Aw, I love you too little one. Come on, let's get this tent thrown up and get some food in our bellies. I'm starving!"

"Jacob! You're always starving!"

"So feed me already!"

I pulled the tent out of its bag and popped it up. It was easy, packable, lightweight and most importantly, big. It would actually hold 4  
adults so I knew there'd be plenty of room for Ren and me. We each had sleeping bags and I raked up a wide pad of leaves, moss and  
pine needles and anchored the tent on top of it. I unrolled the sleeping bags and set up the small light stand we'd packed. Ren dove into  
the bag with our rations and water and I started gathering up sticks, pine cones and fallen branches to get a fire started.

We ate sandwiches and cookies, sipped our water, and listened to a small radio I brought along. We talked about everything and nothing.  
Ren wanted to know what I could tell her about the reason we were here, why we were running away. I explained gently but as honestly  
as I could that some really unfriendly vampires were coming to visit the Cullens and we didn't want them to know about her existence and  
who her parents were. We also didn't want them to know of the existence of the Pack and we were all doing everything we could to make  
sure they didn't find out any of those things. She seemed to take all I said with a grain of salt but accepted it quietly. I knew she was  
worried about her other family and I resolved to distract her as much as I could.

After the first day traveling, Ren was pretty wiped out and I tucked her into her little purple sleeping bag before the stars had finished making  
their appearance. I was tired too but for different reasons. I was simply exhausted with stress and worry. I unzipped my king size bag and  
hunkered down intending to try and at least relax my muscles a bit. My dear little imprint somehow knew exactly what I needed. After just  
a few minutes of silence she whispered to me in the sweetest, tiny voice.

"Hey Jacob?"

"Yeah Ren?"

"It's really dark here, and there's funny noises out there, would you please hold my hand?"

I smiled at her through the gloom in the tent.

"Of course honey. Don't be afraid. I'm right here."

I held my hand over close to her face and she pushed her delicate palm into mine, clutching it tightly. I wrapped it up in my fingers placing  
my other hand over the top of hers. We were both asleep within minutes, hands clasped snugly together. My mind was at peace for the  
first time in days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, we awakened to brilliant sunshine struggling against the chilly temperatures. We ate some breakfast and I helped Ren  
get bundled up in her snowsuit and boots again. She helped me repack the rations, sleeping bags and tent and I got them squared away  
in the travel pack. Then came our first real obstacle, well MY first one anyway. Ren turned around and I made my first attempt to get into  
the pack on my own. Ren was just too little to really help so I was trying an idea I had by myself. With her back to me, I stripped and  
crawled on my belly on the ground until I was underneath the pack and threaded through the straps. It was do or die, now or never. I  
cleared my mind and phased under the pack and into the straps. Son of gun, it worked!

I chuffed at Ren and she turned and jumped up and down clapping for me.

"Jacob! You did it! It's like magic!"

I gave myself a shake and the pack settled into place. I wiggled a bit here and there until the straps were adjusted in a comfortable but  
stable position. I went back to my belly and Ren used handholds Embry had designed and built into her harness to climb up and snuggle  
herself into her traveling cubby. It was a bit like a short, fat papoose crossed with a big basket of soft cotton-stuffed nylon sides. Even if  
something had happened and God forbid I had stumbled or fallen, Ren would likely not be injured. Her safety was number one on the list  
and that riding harness setup was the first thing Embry and I had set our minds to.

Once she was secured and comfy, I bounded off onto our planned path. While I was phased I was able to check in with the Pack and get  
updates on the impending vamp visit.

"Morning Jared, hey Emb, Paul. What's happening down home?"

"Hey Jake. All's quiet so far. Embry and Paul are currently stationed inside the treeline behind the leeches' mansion. Doesn't look like  
anyone's made any moves yet. They can hear normal conversations inside. How are you and Ren getting along?"

"Like a house afire bud. She's not worried about what's going on back home, yet. I explained it to her, sort of, but I'm not sure she has a  
grip on how serious it is. We made it as far as Snoqualmie last night and we're moving northeast as fast as I can now."

"Damn Jake, you covered some serious ground yesterday! Good on ya, bro! How about the accommodations? And how'd you do getting  
back in the pack?"

"We both slept like babies in the tent. We were both pretty exhausted. And I'm running so you know I'm packed up. It worked like a charm  
Emb. But crawling naked on my stomach on the cold ground and wedging myself underneath a heavy pack with big straps is not something  
I'd want to make a career of, know what I'm sayin?"

"Yeah. I hear ya. I think I'm on that page with ya, not on my list of favorite activities either. Makes Jared Junior want to run and hide just  
thinking about it. Brrr."

"Thaaaat's the story dude. Baby it's cold outside and even colder under that pack squished into the frozen tundra. But hey, anything for this  
little girl that I'm ferrying, ya know?"

"I understand. One hundred percent. We'll be available when you want to check in with us Jake. Be careful and try to relax, maybe have some  
fun, you know, some real R and R. Might as well make the most of the required travel."

"That's my plan Jare. Check you later. Later Emb. Later Paul. I'm down."

"Ten-four Alpha."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the early morning of our third day of traveling, Ren and I had arrived at the outskirts of our final destination, near Ainsworth Hot Springs  
and Kootenay Lake. We were securely hidden in the thickest wilderness, with access to warm water pools that were safe from prying eyes. We  
set up our tent, had an early lunch and headed off to explore the hot springs and caves close to our hiding place. Ren was ready for some  
swimming and a bath so we made a beeline to the warm waters.

It was a strange sensation hanging out with my imprint. She was only a few months old and I had only known her for a portion of that time. She  
was still a little girl, but old enough to hold an intelligent conversation and we were able to entertain each other. I felt a bit like a big brother, but  
then again, not exactly. Quil and I had talked about the emotions rolling around in your heart when your imprint was years younger than you and  
your wolf. I think he may have been a bit envious that my imprint would be grown up long before his. Claire was barely 5 years old and Quil knew  
he was in it for the long haul. Renesmee was growing so fast you could almost watch her get taller in real time. It was eerie and amazing at the  
same time to see the changes that would take place in her appearance from one day to the next.

She was such a pretty little girl, still favoring Bella in a goose bump-inducing way. It seemed like the older, or rather the bigger she got, the more  
she looked like her mother. It was a constant struggle for me to push those memories to the back of my mind. I tried to let go of grief, pain,  
heartbreak and concentrate on following Ren's example of being young, carefree and enjoying life for what it really is, a gift. She had a beautiful  
outlook on life and you couldn't help but be influenced by her cheerful attitude. She saw the bright side of any circumstance and the best side of  
any person. What a great example and role model she was turning out to be for me and the rest of the Pack, too.

When we got our campsite squared away and took the opportunity to get cleaned up in the hot springs, for the first time in three days, what a relief  
that was, we hunkered down in front of the fire. In a move that I hoped none of my Pack mates ever learned about, I brushed Ren's hair next to  
the warmth of the flames until it was dry and then braided it in a thick trail down her back. She said it was just like we were having a girls-only  
sleepover and all we lacked were chick flicks, popcorn and a pillow fight. I felt like I was about 5 years old hanging out with my sisters and doing  
their bidding no matter what the task might have been. I was thankful Alice hadn't packed any nail polish for Ren, or I knew exactly what I would  
be doing right after the hair braiding activity.

We chowed down on fresh fish for dinner. We had crossed a fast-flowing, cold stream early that morning and I snagged several trout to stuff into  
an insulated bag from our pack. Ren squealed and screamed at the 'squiggly, wiggly things' as I thrust my head, fangs at the ready, into the water  
and came up with them one at a time in my mouth. I spit them out on the ground and poor Ren had to chase them down and pick them up to load  
into the bag. She was a real trooper though and I was proud of her. I cleaned them after we made camp and, cooked over an open-flame, trout  
can't be beat for a hearty meal.

When the sun had dipped below the horizon, we pulled our sleeping bags up to the opened flap of the tent so we could still feel the campfire warmth.  
We lay on our backs, side by side and I pointed out constellations to my girl.

"What's that one, Jacob?"

"Okay, sight along my arm like this, see that sorta blue one? That's actually a planet. It's Venus. And those 3 in a straight line over there, they make  
up Orion's belt. See, there's the top and bottom points of his bow and that one is the tip of his arrow and that one is his elbow where he's got the  
bowstring pulled back. And see this little bunch over here? They're called the Pleiades, but most people call them The Seven Sisters. And see that  
line? That's the Big Dipper, that one straight out from the outer edge of the cup part, that's the North Star, Polaris. And from Polaris you can draw a  
line down this way and up and over and that's the Little Dipper.

"How about those two that are so close together over there?"

"Those are the twins, Castor and Pollux. They're the ones that are the Zodiac sign, Gemini. Pollux is the brighter one, but Castor is actually 6 stars  
mashed up together."

"How do you know all this stuff, Jacob?"

"Well, when I was little, about your age, my Mom used to take me to the beach at night to watch the tide come in. It's always real dark there, if  
there's no bonfire of course, and that makes it easy to see lots of stars. Mom taught me everything she knew about them. We used to have a great  
time walking on the sand in the middle of the night. I thought I was so special cause I was awake and out of the house in the wee hours. Mom could  
make anybody feel special."

"I wish I could have known her. She sounds really neat."

"She was Ren. She really was."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning we rose with the sun and I stoked up the fire and got some breakfast started. I sat back on my heels from where I had kneeled next  
to the fire to watch my imprint. She was cleaning house. She had folded our sleeping bags into neat squares and placed them in opposite back corners  
of the tent. She had stacked our clothing in orderly piles on one side and our food and water supplies on the other in the locker. Now she was crawling  
around in the middle of the tent on her hands and knees and pushing at the tent floor, adjusting the vegetation padding I had raked up when we first  
made camp. She smoothed and pushed and patted until the floor of the tent was as perfectly even as she could possibly make it. I would give anything  
that I could admire my special little girl doing this 'chore' without thinking of her mother who was a house-cleaning machine when she needed to clear  
her mind of something stressful in her life.

After breakfast, we cleaned our dishes together and I tried to think of a way to entertain Ren and relax myself at the same time.

"What would you like to do today Rennie?"

"Well, I've been thinking about that. I have a favor to ask you."

If this was even a remotely good idea, I was gonna jump on it with both feet.

"Okay honey, shoot."

"Will you teach me how to carve wood?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I've watched Uncle Billy carving a lot and it looks hard but he says it's not. He also says the best person available to teach me, would  
be you."

"Oh gosh, Ren. I don't know about Dad's evaluation of my qualifications, but I'll be happy to teach you about carving. We don't have much of a  
choice for tools, just a pocket knife and a hatchet in the camp supplies, but we'll make do with what we've got. Is that okay?"

"That'll be great Jake! What do we need to do first?"

We set off on our first task, finding a piece of wood. That was no problem at all. It took us only a short hike to find a fallen branch under a cedar tree.  
Cedar would be an easy wood for Ren to start with and we'd do something simple at first.

We made our way back to camp with our branch and I used the hatchet to hack off a couple of small chunks, one for each of us. I took the pocket knife  
and carved an ancient-style V shaped fish hook while Ren sat close by watching every move of my hands. I explained each stroke of the blade so she  
could duplicate it on her own piece of wood. When I finished, I placed the knife into her hand carefully and held my own hand around hers to steady  
her grip. We carved her fish hook together with me guiding her fingers holding the wood and holding her other hand with the knife. Once we had two  
perfectly serviceable fish hooks, we threaded each of them with line that I had packed and we headed off hand in hand toward a nearby stream. Ren  
squealed like a baby when she caught a small trout on her very own hook. I caught a couple as well and we had fire-roasted fish for lunch.

While Ren took a nap after lunch, I slipped behind the tent and stripped and phased to check in with the home troops. I had only been linked up with  
Sam and the others for a few minutes when the sound of a car pulling up in front of the Cullen house penetrated through to me. The whole Pack was  
positioned just inside the tree line around the perimeter of the vamp property. Sam's wolf was closest to the house and could easily see through one  
of the huge dining room windows as well as clearly hear all the conversation taking place.

We held our collective breath while the vamp family put on a performance to save all our lives. The little pixie pulled off what I had feared was impossible.  
She actually manipulated her memory of her visions to feed the desired misinformation to the head Italian leech. Some of what they told them was true.  
Bella and Edward were both dead. The trick was if she had been able to prevent them from learning that Bella and Edward's child was not dead and that  
Edward had been alone when he killed himself. The whole episode gave me a cold chill down my spine even though I could see my imprint sleeping  
peacefully, safe and sound in our tent.

The Italians didn't stay long after the head bloodsucker was convinced there was nothing there for them to capture and take home. A short while after  
they left, Alice and Carlisle came out to the edge of the surrounding forest to report to Sam, and me. They assured us that we were probably safe and  
it would be unlikely that the Volturi would return to America. I tried to breathe a sigh of relief, but a small group of nerves and brain cells right in the  
back continued to quiver and I resolved to stay in Canada for another week before returning with my imprint to our hopefully safe home. I wondered  
if I would ever feel completely at ease about protecting Ren and my people from the threat of creatures that should never exist.

That night, snow began to fall after a front had moved through the mountains. We were tucked into our sleeping bags but once the fire had begun to  
die down I heard Ren's teeth begin to chatter and her little shivers snagged my nerves and pierced my heart.

"Ren? Honey are you still too cold?"

"Y-y-yes, I think s-s-so J-J-Jacob. M-m-maybe I c-could just p-put on some more c-clothes."

"No baby, that's not gonna help. Don't be scared. I'll be right back."

What an idiot I was. More layers and pounds of down filling wouldn't produce any heat for my little girl. I quickly moved outside and behind the tent.  
I stripped and phased and walked back around, crouching down to my belly and scooting through the flap into the tent. Ren reached up and pulled  
down the flap zipper and when she settled back down and snuggled into her bag, I curled my big, furry self all the way around her. Even with her  
bundled up and wrapped in the down-filled bag she still presented a small enough ball that I could easily encircle her, draping my tail over my nose  
to complete the enclosure. She soon let me know that she could feel the heat radiating from me and she was very comfortable. She was asleep  
within a few minutes and I released a deep breath of my own and settled down to rest. This, I thought, is what protecting is all about. This, I could do.


End file.
